Random Film of the Week: Bad Santa

Posted on November 18, 2013 by geelw

So, did you hear the one about the people who want to do a sequel to “It’s A Wonderful Life” getting an internet sized hobnailed boot thrown at them for even deigning to think of such an outrage? Neither did I, as that could be disaster flick was only just announced. That’s one reason why Bad Santa and A Christmas Story have long since replaced that well-known and beloved classic as my favorite holiday movies.

Yeah, yeah, there’s also been a sequel announced for the former (but nothing has appeared to date)while the latter has become a “must-see” holiday show for tourists coming here to New York City, but Terry Zwigoff’s mean-spirited, outrageously funny masterpiece grabs your Yuletide wishes by the short hairs, yanks hard and starts punching everywhere so hard that you may find yourself crawling around looking for your eyeballs under the table they rolled under after they pop out a few too many times… Continue reading →

Humor? Oh, More Mister Nice Guy (Or: Let’s NOT Be Frank)…

Posted on November 17, 2013 by geelw

(thanks, tszwedo!)
Ladies and gentlemen, a friendly little reminder. Or not. Being a not so hunk of aged whine and cheese like me has its benefits, provided you’ve learned a few life lessons before old bad habits get set in stone and leave you a friendless freak trapped in a world you never made (or choose to ignore at your peril). It’s important while young to make enough mistakes you can take something from as you limp home, dragging the remains of your dignity behind you (or carrying it if it’s not too heavy) and determining you’ll not steer down that path ever again. Of course, if you’ve lost your dignity already, you know the drill: wake up in a field somewhere, drag yourself home and go sleep it off in a closet somewhere while the parts that can grow back do so…

On the other hand, if you’re a constant thrill-seeking type who has that sort of cheery support from friends and relatives who put up with your daredevil shenanigans, of course you should go for whatever gusto you can, secure in the knowledge that when you fall, that net is coming out to cushion the hard landing you’re about to take (again). Granted, I think I’m being vague here (as usual), but consider this some sort of not so Zen-like advice from me to you that may come in handy at some point in your actual beautiful career (aka: LIFE) when you’re about to jump into something like a strange car with a bunch of oddballs you’d normally avoid in the daytime hours. Now, I’m not saying there’s ANYTHING wrong at all with a little adventure, kids. I just want to make sure you’re smart enough to come back at some point and tell me about it over a pint somewhere…

Hi-Yaaa!! Shout Factory Hits You With TOO Many Bruce Lee Clips!

Posted on November 6, 2013 by geelw

So, my day ends like this: I come home, turn on the computer to check my email and started laughing as soon as I saw the crazy amount of Bruce Lee fight scenes and other fun stuff from the folks at Shout Factory. It would seem that they’ve released Bruce Lee: The Legacy Collection last month (October 22, to be exact) and are now in the process of heavily promoting this nice-looking 11-disc(!) Blu-Ray/DVD set that comes with a great photo-packed book and hours of special features. But yeah, I know you… you’re just here for the fights. OK, then:

Now, should YOU buy this box set? Come on, now… you KNOW I’m going to answer with a big, wet sloppy YES. If those two awesome (and yes, hilarious) fight scenes above aren’t enough to convince you, well… there’s more where that came from. Below the jump with you, NOW! (*boot!*) Continue reading →

Carrie “In Theaters Now” Spot: Thanks For Sharing, As I Sure Wouldn’t Know It Was!

Posted on October 18, 2013 by geelw

Seriously, the last movie theater here is still closed and I’m feeling a bit morose and annoyed about that fact. I’m hoping that asbestos issue is resolved and it gets opened back up soon. The nearest theater is a multiplex a train or bus ride away, but I’ve heard that it’s overpriced and a pain to get to because you need to walk a bit after the public transportation jaunt. That and it’s packed with the most infuriatingly ill-mannered viewers who pay no heed to cell phone turn-off notices, bring bawling toddlers into R-rated movies and commit other low crimes against civil behavior that a normal person would go mad if they went there on a regular basis. From my source who frequent there because he’s hooked on films more than I am (well, he tends to watch more crap movies than I do), he also knows that the staff lets their friends hang out there (once they buy a ticket) and sneak into the other theaters to catch other films unless there’s a supervisor hanging about to keep things in check. Granted, that stuff has been going on since movie tickets have been sold, so it’s no big deal to me. On the other hand, I can see that being annoying to anyone trying to run a legitimate business where profits need to be calculated on a per-seat basis…

Anyway, reviews seem good on this Carrie remake, so that’s at least a good thing to see…

The Four Horsemen Have Been Busy @ The Movies For Ages. You Should Be Very Pleased About That.

Posted on October 18, 2013 by geelw

So, Nick Powell over at The Cinematic Katzenjammer asked for contributors this month to write up a post or do something creative using The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as a starting point and any horror-themed movies that happened to fit one or more of their particular talents. I decided to have a bit of fun picking four films (one for each rider) and pointing to moments in each that to me, define the essence of their namesakes. They’re not all horror films, but if you’re in the right mood you’ll see the horror in parts of them.

Amusingly enough, the devil has gotten his due here as well. ALL of these were done up as Random Film of the Week entries at one point, but three were lost when I misplaced a USB thumb stick with a ton of other fresh content I’d done for the site a few years back when it was on Blogger. One good reason for me doing this post was to kick myself in the butt hard and get on to full rewrites soon of those three.

In addition, I’ll warn you now that the Fifth Horseman (Spoilage!) is on board. So if you haven’t seen any of the four flicks listed here… you’ve been warned in advance. Which is unusual in this day and age, as spoilers usually just spill out and all over you in the oddest of places. Hell, I heard the end of Gravity from a yakky lady babbling like a jerk on her cell phone in a grocery store a few days ago. I wanted to throw a large can of low-sodium black beans at her head, but I’d be typing this from a jail cell, it was the last can of that brand on the shelf and I needed it more than her head needed a two-pound can-sized impression in it.

Anyway, saddle up and get ready to ride (or duck behind something and hope you’re unseen)… we’re off! Continue reading →

More Carrie? OK, Double Jeopardy With A “Telekinetic” Twist!

Posted on October 10, 2013 by geelw

One clip, a quick TV spot and that dopey prank pulled here in NYC on some unsuspecting citizens strolling into a coffee shop. Of course, in that latter gag, my brain saw the holes in this one right off the bat. If that’s a neighborhood place that’s been open a while, wouldn’t any regulars NOTICE that new wall there or be miffed that their favorite spot was replaced by a wall. Okay, maybe the place was shut for construction with a sign on the door or whatever. Also, a few of those people look as if they were bought in by the studio to act surprised at the action. Granted, most look genuinely shocked, but in this damn city, SOMEONE would have called the cops even on the first scare.

Yeah, I’d have been that ONE guy standing there at the cashier laughing and looking for wires on that guy and wall while still trying to get my damn coffee with a hearty “Hey crazy lady! take that shoving tables crap down the block to McDonalds!” Hell, I’d have even offered her a nice, tasty plain aspirin (I keep a bottle in my bag at all times). Yeah, I’m VERY hard to market anything to. I just like what I like and try to get you do like it as well…

Carrie opens nationwide (except the theater where I live that’s closed. Stupid theater!) on October 18, 2013.

Carrie “Get In Your Closet” Clip: Oh, We’ve ALL Been There Before, Right?

Posted on October 7, 2013 by geelw

Yeah, so… who HASN’T had to “go to the closet” at some point in their lives? Poor Carrie above only has those telekinetic powers and a nutso mommy to worry about. I know us folks in the real world need to toss ourselves in and shut the door for a while when we pull off those major boners and need a time out while the walls fall in. Say, did you know a nice clean closet with a few blankets tossed on the floor and lots of long coats and shirts and such makes a PERFECT nap spot? Bill collectors, pissed off parents and anyone else can look up and down and all around for you but that’s THE last place they’ll ever, ever look. Of course, if you have a pet at home, you’re screwed plus tax, as those cute little bums will always sniff you out. Hell, you could have the most stoned out, never ever fetched a darn thing in its life lazy ass Scooby-Don’t as a pet and as soon as you get into that closet, he’s nosing open the door to lay on top of those blankets you’re under. Bad dog! BAD!

Um, oh yeah… Carrie is in theaters October 18. I can’t see it because I have no movie theater near me now. Maybe I’ll go take a nap in the closet instead…

Random Film of the Week(end): MAROONED

Posted on October 6, 2013 by geelw

While Alfonso Cuarón’s GRAVITY is raking in its massive weekend box office bank and garnering all sorts of critical accolades and yes, awards potential, I thought I’d crack open the vaults and take a look at the first major Hollywood hit about a crew of astronauts lost in space. Granted, the doomed crew of 1950’s Rocketship X-M got lost, ended up somewhere scientifically implausible and came back down to Earth in the worst way possible first. And yes, yes… the crew of the Discovery from Kubrick’s epic 2001: A Space Odyssey don’t quite count because they were done in by a very confused computer in such a low-key manner that by the end their deaths are forgotten in that film’s grander cosmic scope.

But John Sturges’ 1969 film (which won an Academy Award for its visual effects) has the benefit of some much better actors performing in lead and supporting roles, although the film’s science and yes, now dated “by today’s standards” visual effects don’t hold up all that well these days. It’s worth a viewing these days when it pops up on TCM just to see how Hollywood was trying hard to make a timely sci-fi film while chasing (and not coming close to) the higher level of quality Kubrick and his team of SFX technicians spent years crafting…

Continue reading →

Thor: The Dark World Clip: Loki Pulls Joker Mode Off Fairly Well…

Posted on October 6, 2013 by geelw

Alright, for some reason I got a Dark Knight vibe from this clip, but that doesn’t mean this Thor sequel will rise to those heights at all. Granted, I’m also not too thrilled that all we seem to be getting out of Hollywood are more sequels, comic book movies, the same romantic comedies and dramas with different casts and overblown “based on/inspired by a true story” films that in most cases pale in comparison to classics and some foreign films. On one hand, I can just say “oh well, that’s showbiz!” as I stay home and wait for the home video and/or cable TV premiere dates to roll in (which are all sooner than later these days). On the other hand, given that people aren’t going to the movies as much in some spots, Hollywood seems to feel that the best way to get people lining up is to overheat that Xerox machine. Oh well, we almost all love beautiful-looking things (or so the suits who run things hope)…

Escape Plan TV Spot #1: No Movie For Old Men… Uh, Oh… Too Late!

Posted on September 23, 2013 by geelw

Or “I’m Getting Too Old For This $#!t!”. Or “Stop, Or My Hip Will Go Out!”. or “Aged Whine and Cheese”… and so forth and so on (I thought up about fifteen other titles). Yeesh, I don’t know who the target audience for this is other than those in on the joke or delusional people close to my age who still think these two aging granite-faced coots are going to be doing stunt work they’ve never done previously AND making a decent movie chewing up the same scenery together. Then again… I bet no one is seeing this for the “acting”, right? RIGHT?!

Yeah, I thought so…

Hmmm. If it were a flick packed with more former action heroes around the same age in that space prison trying to get out, mayyyyyyyyybe it would be good for a chuckle. On the other hand… that’s probably the plot of The Expendables 7, coming to a theater near you in oh, about three years (or two, if it’s straight to video, no chaser)…