Review: CATS (2019)

CATS_MPSo I did something out of the ordinary (for me, as least). I went and saw a film I didn’t like the first time with hopes that the second time would me somewhat more enjoyable. It wasn’t, but at least what I saw was a bit more polished and I kind of got it a tad more. Yeah, I saw CATS again. Granted, the first time was a freebie, as a friend had planned to take his wife when the film opened. They went to see the last Star Wars film together and CATS was her pick for the next film they were to see, but she got sick, so I got called up as a last minute substitute player. I still haven’t seen that Star Wars movie yet, by the way.

Anyway, I was astounded by how very well-made but very off-putting this expensive film was and started writing a review in response, the opening paragraph which is below:

I was planning to save this one for when my writer’s block was slamming a book down on my fingers, but this review is practically writing itself for me as we speak. CATS is so very memorably atrocious that if we ever get visited by alien life in the future, I think those aliens will somehow unearth a print that’s been buried somewhere and may think we were ruled by a feline race that we made extinct because we got to see them as they really were.

There was more, but after looking at the finished review, I ended up trashing it it because it wasn’t constructive at all and even though I managed to make it a tidy 501 words, not too many of them were positive. So, I decided to chalk it up to the unfinished quality of the first run print’s unacceptable CG and yesterday afternoon, I flipped a coin and went to see it again, as the fixed version was out making the rounds. Mistake, meet blessing in disguise, as there was a blind person in front of me using a folding cane buying a pair of tickets to the showing.

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Catlateral Damage Gets The Best Press Release of 2015 (So Far)

catlateral damage logo (Custom)

CD paw slap iconYeah, yeah. Posting press releases verbatim is LAZY and should be avoided at all costs (even though it costs no sense to do). But once in a while you get one that cracks you up and requires sharing because the product being shilled was fun enough to inspire a PR person to just do something so obvious that it works despite being awfully corny.

Of course, if you call a cat “corny” it will either ignore you and go take a nap or climb your leg like a lumberjack escaping from a starving bear up a very tall and sturdy tree. Anyway, video to roll and press release to read below, meow.


 

For Immediate Release

 

Catbridge, MA, May, 18, 2015 – Mew meow CATLATERAL DAMAGE meow meow-ow Steam mew OUYA! Meow-ow mew mrow meow mew meow mew meow mew mew meow-ow, mew mew meow mrow mew mew meow meow-ow meow mew mrow meow meow! Mew mew meow meow-ow meow mew meow mrow mrow meow-ow mew mew mew. Meow-ow mew, meow meow mew meow mew mrow mew mew meow-ow mew mew meow.

 

Meow-ow mew meow meow Wed May 27th mew meow mew meow mew mew meow-ow, mew mew mrow mrow mew meow meow-ow meow mew meow meow! Mew mew meow meow-ow meow mew meow meow-ow mew mew mew mrow. Meow-ow mew, meow meow mew meow mew meow mew mew meow-ow mew mew meow. Purrrr… Meow raaarowwww meow.

 

Me-meow mew mew meow meow-ow meow mew catlateraldamage.com!

And yes indeed you need this game just because your cat will knock you out of bed if you don’t buy it and let it play or watch you play while it naps. Cats can see in their sleep. Or so I’ve heard. On the other paw, If you own a dog you know it could care less about this game because it’s trying to figure out how to start up the car, drive to the store and buy some steaks with your credit card. Like that old Talking Heads song goes “Animals think… they’re pretty smart…”

Best of Toy Fair 2015, Newbies Edition: Life Is Wabi-Sabi

WS Cat@ToyFairNY'15Note to new trade show exhibitioners: Outside of appointments where I walk away with something to review on the site or someone promises to shoot over samples later, the best way to get me to stop at your booth is to jump out in front of me and say “Hi!”. If that fails (and it usually doesn’t), feel free to use a tripwire or other handy item that gets me to stop, look and smile. Whenever that’s happened at Toy Fair, I’ve always seen stuff that makes me want to write cool things about. Here are a few of this year’s products and people that reached out at the right moment:

Meeting the Life is Wabi-Sabi crew was a highlight of the show because Aaron Castillo Jr. and Marilyn bought that Big Island spirit from Hawaii all the way to NYC, braving the record-breaking cold weather to introduce their SUPER cute line of buttons, magnets and plush kitties. Seeing that big-eyed imperfect cat stopped me in my tracks and made me smile for a few reasons. There’s just something wonderfully zen about that cat that makes you want to pick it up and stare back for a spell.
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Huh? Who Said Hello Kitty Was A Cat, Anyway?

No, it's not MINE - Image swiped from kittyhell.com

No, it’s not MINE – Image swiped from kittyhell.com

Ermagawwwwwd! Yeesh, it MUST be a slow news day, as the internet has come up with some more fake outrage over a nonsense subject no one needs to read about*. So, it turns out that people are just figuring out Hello Kitty is (*gasp*) NOT A CAT. Yaaaaaaaah. *Yawn*. Nope, she never was and never will be, if you’ve ever been to the official Sanrio site and read her bio. I did this years ago and satisfied my curiosity about that, but it seems the latest generation of know-lessings and some people who should know better are giving this much ink for no other reason than there must be no celebrity news they can scrape over jagged rocks before they gnaw on the bones left over from that process.

yeah, so she’s a little English girl, height five apples, weight three apples and yeah, it looks like she’s giving you the finger in that image on the site. Probably because she’s TIRED OF PEOPLE CALLING HER A DAMN CAT ALL THE TIME. Hell, she HAS a pet cat (see below on that bio page) AND a hamster who’s a friend of that cat, for crying out loud. You should be more concerned about why she doesn’t have a mouth, I’d say. But even then, Sanrio has a mighty good excuse for that at the bottom of that bio page. So there. Now go find something else to get upset about. I’m sure you can look out a window and see plenty of things to make you flip your wig.

*(He said, ironically giving this story some MORE traction. Well, shoot me later for being a hypocrite, but it made me laugh when I saw this…)