Catlateral Damage Gets The Best Press Release of 2015 (So Far)

catlateral damage logo (Custom)

CD paw slap iconYeah, yeah. Posting press releases verbatim is LAZY and should be avoided at all costs (even though it costs no sense to do). But once in a while you get one that cracks you up and requires sharing because the product being shilled was fun enough to inspire a PR person to just do something so obvious that it works despite being awfully corny.

Of course, if you call a cat “corny” it will either ignore you and go take a nap or climb your leg like a lumberjack escaping from a starving bear up a very tall and sturdy tree. Anyway, video to roll and press release to read below, meow.


 

For Immediate Release

 

Catbridge, MA, May, 18, 2015 – Mew meow CATLATERAL DAMAGE meow meow-ow Steam mew OUYA! Meow-ow mew mrow meow mew meow mew meow mew mew meow-ow, mew mew meow mrow mew mew meow meow-ow meow mew mrow meow meow! Mew mew meow meow-ow meow mew meow mrow mrow meow-ow mew mew mew. Meow-ow mew, meow meow mew meow mew mrow mew mew meow-ow mew mew meow.

 

Meow-ow mew meow meow Wed May 27th mew meow mew meow mew mew meow-ow, mew mew mrow mrow mew meow meow-ow meow mew meow meow! Mew mew meow meow-ow meow mew meow meow-ow mew mew mew mrow. Meow-ow mew, meow meow mew meow mew meow mew mew meow-ow mew mew meow. Purrrr… Meow raaarowwww meow.

 

Me-meow mew mew meow meow-ow meow mew catlateraldamage.com!

And yes indeed you need this game just because your cat will knock you out of bed if you don’t buy it and let it play or watch you play while it naps. Cats can see in their sleep. Or so I’ve heard. On the other paw, If you own a dog you know it could care less about this game because it’s trying to figure out how to start up the car, drive to the store and buy some steaks with your credit card. Like that old Talking Heads song goes “Animals think… they’re pretty smart…”

Huh? Who Said Hello Kitty Was A Cat, Anyway?

No, it's not MINE - Image swiped from kittyhell.com

No, it’s not MINE – Image swiped from kittyhell.com

Ermagawwwwwd! Yeesh, it MUST be a slow news day, as the internet has come up with some more fake outrage over a nonsense subject no one needs to read about*. So, it turns out that people are just figuring out Hello Kitty is (*gasp*) NOT A CAT. Yaaaaaaaah. *Yawn*. Nope, she never was and never will be, if you’ve ever been to the official Sanrio site and read her bio. I did this years ago and satisfied my curiosity about that, but it seems the latest generation of know-lessings and some people who should know better are giving this much ink for no other reason than there must be no celebrity news they can scrape over jagged rocks before they gnaw on the bones left over from that process.

yeah, so she’s a little English girl, height five apples, weight three apples and yeah, it looks like she’s giving you the finger in that image on the site. Probably because she’s TIRED OF PEOPLE CALLING HER A DAMN CAT ALL THE TIME. Hell, she HAS a pet cat (see below on that bio page) AND a hamster who’s a friend of that cat, for crying out loud. You should be more concerned about why she doesn’t have a mouth, I’d say. But even then, Sanrio has a mighty good excuse for that at the bottom of that bio page. So there. Now go find something else to get upset about. I’m sure you can look out a window and see plenty of things to make you flip your wig.

*(He said, ironically giving this story some MORE traction. Well, shoot me later for being a hypocrite, but it made me laugh when I saw this…)