Onechanbara Z Kagura With NoNoNo! Promos: Sexy Zombie Killers Are OK Any Year…

Posted on October 31, 2013 by geelw

With all this fuss and bother in the news here about Halloween costumes for ladies getting TOO (and ONLY) sexy this year (yeah, you can buy “sexy” food and other bizarre outfits from any costume shop wanting to make a fast buck), I say the ONLY outfits that should never be criticized are the many sexy zombie killer get-ups worn by the digital dolls in any Onechanbara game. Hell, who’s going to tell a lady in a bikini with two VERY sharp swords she knows how to use that she’s not dressed correctly? That, and these gals have earned their stripes long before this “controversy” kicked into gear. The Onechanbara games have been around for about a decade already and while it’s not a big AAA title, it does have a loyal fan base of male AND female players. Granted, that top video will be seen as intentionally sexist and stupid to some, but it’s not an actual documentary and your sense of humor needs a tune-up if you try and take it too seriously.

I missed posting the second promo video a few weeks back because I’d forgotten to set alerts for D3Publisher’s YouTube page (oops). That’s been rectified and it’s above. Given that the third promo is entirely in English as are some of the game’s menus… my grubby little fingers are indeed crossed tightly (and it’s hard to type this way, mind you!) that D3Publisher of America is perhaps considering a localization of this one at some point. Onechanbara games are pure fluff and bouncy bits, but the over the top gore quotient combined with the ridiculous amount of hours of gameplay, costumes and characters to unlock make them strangely addictive once you get past the jiggle factor. I’ve always found it amusing that nearly all of the males in this series of games are either zombies, other hideous monsters or rescue bait, so in a weird way, this is a sort of Otaku version of “girl power” complete with cosplayers popping up in some places.

Anyway, D3PUS? What’s up with Onechanbara Z Kagura with NoNoNo!? Any plans to bring this sexy slashy thing over to the PS3 sometime soon? I sure hope so, as I’d hate to import another game I won’t have the chance to play otherwise…

Dracula on NBC: Great or Awful, There’s Still a Lot of Sucking Bound to Happen…

Posted on October 25, 2013 by geelw

Hmmmm… The words “Dracula on NBC” should already scare some of you away from this one like it’s covered in maggots with a crazed Renfield chasing after it with a very rusted butter knife, but here we go, another attempt at getting the vampire on the telly. Vampires in general have suffered the indignities of modern romanticizing for quite some time and it’s been a downhill slide for the true fanged few since the preteens got their stupidly stripped down versions on them that rake in profits for their re-creators by the billions. I won’t name any names here, but for many true fans of the myth it’s been a hell of the purest form seeing print, film and other new media vampires eat away at the legend to the point where it’s now “cool” and yet played out because every time you spin your head, some would be Stoker-lite is shifting a new piece of overblown fan-fiction from their hard drive out into the world as a professional work in some form of media and yes, the kids love them some fancy fang to face action on a regular basis. Blech… Continue reading →

Lars Von Trier’s NYMPH()MANIAC: Five Hour Erections Guaranteed, No Pills Required.

Posted on October 10, 2013 by geelw

“Side effects may include…”

Soooo, Lars Von Treir’s new film is called Nymph()maniac (or, Nymphomaniac for those of you who don’t get the spelling or the obvious imagery from that simple teaser poster to the left. Two films. Five hours. Lots of sex. Not for kids (unless you want those freshly traumatized kids who want to strangle you in your sleep for taking them to a Lars Von Trier film). Coming in explicit and non-explicit versions. Probably won’t make its cost back in theaters, but on home video where folks can see it in private. Guaranteed to be controversial on certain “news” channels. And so forth and so on. I was going to run some of the many posters of the cast in solo poses, but they’re probably a bit too NSFW for some tastes. That said, you can check them out (and yes, download them if you like. You KNOW you want to) on the official movie site (they’re HUGE) and go mark your calendar or whatever it is you do when a Von Trier film comes out. Let’s see now… I wonder how many discs these two flick will get when it does get released on Blu-Ray? And if it’ll come in a plain brown wrapper (ha, ha).

Expect half-full theaters on uncomfortable people giggling nervously and looking at the walls or ceiling in spots and the usual fearless hipsters bringing their dates when this one reaches theaters. Well, it hits Europe on Christmas Day 2013 (which is pretty amazing if you think about it), but there’s no North American release date just yet. Hmmmm… I wonder what the US ads and TV commercials will look like once the Puritans get to them?

Retro Summer Heat: Bad Girls Go to Hell Trailer

Posted on July 19, 2013 by geelw

This post is for the smiling guy I saw out walking today wearing a suit and tie all buttoned up and saying to his baking lady friend (trying to keep up in her high heels and about to melt makeup) “This heat is NOTHING to me! HAHAHAHAHA!”

Yeah, you suck and the planet you come from sucks as well.

Note: SOME would say this trailer is NSFW, but given that I’m posting this after work hours, YOU can watch it and not feel guilty or cheap. Unless you’re watching this at work and get creeped on by your boss. Oops – now he’s going to think a lot less (or more) of you and you’ll get a raise or a demotion or something. Whatever it is, even if it’s “good”, it’s not good, as now he’ll be sliding by with a grin on his mug, a mug in his claw and a “Whatcha watchin’?” leer to really freak you out. OK, other than clips on some ancient HBO show and stills from a book a friend lent me many years ago, I’ve actually never seen a Doris Wishman-directed film. The trailer makes me want to. It’s the title, silly. Well, OK… the sheer camp value is also the kicker here. Anyway, yeah… some of you need another shower, the rest of you want to chase me around the room with a spiked baseball bat. It’s too hot for the latter, so just stick your head and feet into a nice bucket of ice (or ice cream) and cool off. You can hate me in the winter or something…

Or you can hate the fine folks at Sleaze-O-Rama for twisting your arm and “making” you click that link… and yeah, Bad Girls go to Hell 365 days a year – they just wear less in this weather.

E3 2013: Oh, Valhalla Knights 3… What Are We Going to Do With You?

Posted on June 18, 2013 by geelw

Hoo boy. Sometimes, I’ll see an article that criticizes certain types of genres of Japanese games for being too sexist or exploitative or out of touch with or whatever and I usually chuckle because often the game or games in question have zero chance of arriving here because of that content. Of course, of the games that do make it over with saucy scenes or imagery that may offend, some of the content is altered or snipped out completely so as to appeal to more puritanical American tastes. Granted, this sort of censorship offends fans of imports arriving unsullied and over time, some game companies has slowly allowed much of the silliness to slip in in various states. Well, Yakuza 4 and its in-context Geisha club antics and the Ar tonelico series’ eyebrow-raising “Dive Station” mind dating elements (trust me, it’s weirder than it sounds) have nothing (and I mean no-thing) on what’s going on in Xseed Games’ upcoming Vita exclusive, Valhalla Knights 3.

That trailer above doesn’t show anything outrageous – it’s below the jump, you pervs (and a link at that!)…
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Random Film of the Week(end): The Baby

Posted on January 19, 2013 by geelw

(Thank you, NoMoreHeroes!)

As far as commercial horror flicks of the 1970’s go they don’t get more disturbing than The Baby, a completely bizarre 1973 gem you have to see to believe. And even after you’ve seen it, you’ll probably want to watch it again just to make sure you weren’t having a really wild nightmare. Granted, the film has a few major flaws, some of which come from the writing and pacing. But chances are you’ll be so thrown off by some of the surreal acting and completely insane scenes that you’ll forgive this one for its faults.

It’ll definitely stick in your head for a while afterward, especially if you don’t see the surprise ending winding up to knock you right off the couch. Anajette Comer plays Ann, a social worker who is given the case of Baby, a 21-year old man kept in diapers and an oversize crib by his overbearing mother played by the gorgeous Ruth Roman (channeling Joan Crawford, Joan Collins and Liz Taylor) and two very pretty, very sexy yet verrrrrry peculiar sisters (Marianna Hill and Susanne Zenor). For sheer squirm in your seat value, the film scores big by tossing assorted mental and physical abuses into your lap and letting you figure out where the hell it’s going before taking a big U-turn into WTF territory… Continue reading →