Actually, Detective York is a wee bit off in his history, as steam-powered vehicles were around in the 17th and 18th centuries. It’s too bad that the technology never took off as it should have, as the world could probably use less fossil fuel consumption and smarter ways of just getting to the mall for a pint of milk. Of course, trying to cover the entire history of automobiles here is a bad idea, as this is supposed to be a more Greenvale-centric post and I’m sure their City Council doesn’t want me to ramble on about mechanical perambulation or the advent of steam when there are more interesting ways to get tourist dollars out their way. And, wait… just which King George is he referring to anyway? There were a whole bunch of them from a few different countries throughout world history, you know.

Oh, wait a minute… Ah ha ha. My mistake, folks. The detective was being a bit sarcastic and tossing a good one out about Sheriff George Woodman who it turns out isn’t the nicest cop in the neighborhood. Oops. Well, at least I found that out before I had to go poking around Wackypedia for “facts” about cars written by contributors that don’t even know how to drive. Say, did you know that despite needing to drive a few places in the game, YOU don’t need to know how to drive when you’re playing Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming April 30, 2013 exclusively for the PlayStation 3. Featuring upgraded visuals, PlayStation 3 and 3D TV support, trophies and more, this is one vacation you’ll not soon forget. Unlike that information that would have helped you pass that history class you flunked in high school.

OK, so King Sheriff George is a bit of a jerk with his stupid hat and bad attitude (you’d think he’d be a BIT more cooperative what with a mad, possibly supernatural killer on the loose in his town) but thankfully, Sheriff Swery is in the office on those days George is off and he’s a MUCH nicer guy to deal with. When you’re in the area, make sure to drop by and say hello. Hey, you may even get  a free cup of coffee from the A&G Diner out of that greeting – and free is always good. Especially when combined with coffee…

Paying attention to the road while driving may seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised just how easily distracted most people get when behind the wheel. Case in point, this particular road trip in that not so fancy but fast Sheriff’s car, currently driven by one Francis York Morgan. Given that he’s got two passengers with him, he should be concentrating on the road and doing his best to drive safely. However, just LOOK at that speedometer! 73 MPH is not exactly following the Greenvale speed limit, it’s not an emergency (this time), and lack of traffic or not, he should keep an eye out for pedestrians. I’d say something about that “Talk” button onscreen, but I guess it’s OK, as talking while driving is something everyone seems to do. Granted, York will probably Talk to “himself” rather than his passengers (which is distracting enough), so perhaps he’s not too bad behind the wheel after all?

Of course, you’ll get to find this out for yourself and more on April 30, 2013 when Rising Star Games’ Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut hits retail exclusively for the PlayStation 3. Featuring updated visuals, improved controls, all-new content PlayStation Move and 3D TV support and more, this is one of those games guaranteed to get you out driving safely to your favorite game shop and back home even if you’re a block away. Hey, practice makes perfect, right? And if you don’t drive, no worries – that walk will do you good, as you’ll probably be getting a wee bit less exercise once you pick up the game and start playing. Your heart will be racing quite a lot, though…

Another reason you should buy this game is you’ll be keeping Game Director Swery65 a busy man. Getting him back in the office in Japan making more games is a good thing, as if he’s not making games, he’s getting into mischief with people like this other creatively named game-creating reprobate (and all-around nice guy if you get to meet him in person), Suda 51 (both seen here in a local drinking establishment somewhere on Planet Earth. So, yeah – you know what to do, right. Buy at LEAST two copies of this game so Swery gets back to making another one. Or at least thinks about a Vita version, as there’s nothing like being able to be scared out of one’s wits while on the road (er, except when one is behind the wheel – that’s NEVER a good thing)…

In general, people in the U.S. just don’t get enough sleep. Whether it’s due to overwork, too much TV/computer time or doing too many things at night other than sleeping, it’s a national epidemic that can be the root cause of a few bigger problems. As you can see above, York stepping in to Greenvale’s police station SHOULD have that guy at the desk alert and facing the opposite direction. But he didn’t get enough sleep last night and doesn’t drink that strong coffee the A&G Diner sells at all so he’s a bit lax in his attitude. Before you ask, they don’t sell that multi-hour energy drink crap in town because it’s been banned (it makes hooded killers do their job a wee bit too efficiently, I’ve heard). Anyway, if York were a hooded killer, this poor sap would be on the floor with his face missing within a few seconds. But he’s only a detective on the prowl, so Officer Sleepy here will just get a damn good scare (and maybe wet his pants a little) and maybe a stern talking to he won’t soon forget.

Of course, you’ll probably be joining him soon enough if you’ve pre-ordered or plan to pick up Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Those updated HD visuals, quirky humor, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content, Trophies and more will keep you up so late (and yes, half-scared out of your wits) that you’ll need to call in dead to work the next day. Or show up and pay the consequences. Just don’t be that one guy who doesn’t get enough rest and pops in to work at the VERY moment that heavy bottle of water in the water cooler needs changing. You ever drop one of those things on your foot in front of that cute secretary you’ve been secretly ogling? It’s not a good thing when that happens, folks.

I haven’t had the chance to ask him yet, but I’d bet a whole dollar that Game Director Swery65 (arriving a bit tired-looking at GDC 2013) has NEVER had an embarrassing incident like this happen to him. Of course, he’s seemingly always on a plane headed somewhere or working on something you’ll probably want to be playing at some point in the future, but I’ll have to remember not to forget to ask him about this one of these days…