First and foremost, Capcom knows you’re interested in Resident Evil Revelations on the PS3, Wii U and Xbox 360 because you just might not be a Nintendo 3DS owner and may just have been a wee bit curious about this previously exclusive handheld-only game (that somehow skipped the Vita? Whaaaat?). Anyway, they also want you to know that no, you big silly, those aren’t up-rezzed 3DS graphics at all. The entire game has been rebuilt for home consoles and looks great throughout. They also want you to know that even though that trailer you just watched has a ton of spoilers, you still need to play the game because you’re not THAT psychic and you need to spend some more money on their products. How do I know all this? Oh, a little undead bird told me, that’s how… It also told me to not write any more bad RER poetry, so I didn’t (and you’re lucky… this time).

Ouch and double ouch.

Moved-around monsters (with new ones to face),
items and crates now put in new place!
This is no straight port of the 3DS game
so if you die fast, you’re the one to blame.

It’s bound for PS3, 360 and Wii U May 21st
if you’re not prepared, you’ll just be the worst
So take some time off to practice your dodging
so you can spend that day off holed up in your lodging.

A boat full of nasty undead and more lurk
you’re going in alone, but don’t be a jerk
There’s no co-op here to save your nice skins
But Raid Mode is co-op for some sure-fire wins.

Those graphics are all redone in shiny HD
For all the gore, the game actually looks quite pretty
But admire the detail a wee bit too long,
and you’ll see naught but red when poor Jill’s head’s gone!