What’s In The Box? (Or: Hello, Slim!)

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Holy hell, my long national nightmare is OVER. I’ actually too damn busy to post the whole story here, but it involved a refund, a quick re-buy and this thing showing up SIX DAYS EARLIER than the expected date. Wow, but YES, I’ll take that over the nonsense I went through for too long last month. Anyway WHEE. Wait, my workload just tripled? WHEEEEE!!

(faint, *THUD!*).

(Thanks, cronocembalo!)

Um, back in a bit. I need to go lie down, have a drink, fry some chicken to celebrate and play a game or three. All at the same damn time. Whee?

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Snow Daze: Be Careful What You Wish For, Folks

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Whee. 20+ inches of snow and counting, but I’m not counting. According to the smiling weather folks on a few channels who seem to be inordinately cheery about all that white stuff outside blowing around and sticking to anything moving or motionless, it’s allegedly supposed to stop around midnight or so. But that also means a more of those dopes who weren’t out today (from my window I saw a few too many people “driving” sideways or walking in the streets while a car or two slid sideways past them) will be out tomorrow because they know no better than to stay indoors with something (or someone) warm and toasty. Oh well.

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I didn’t venture out other than to check the mail only to find out that post office motto really is not true at all, but it seems we may need some more milk after all. So I get to be a dope myself for about ten or twenty minutes, but I do need that cow juice to go into the coffee I’m making that’s required to keep me going though a job I need to plow through that’s due before Sunday is done. Thankfully, the supermarket is less than a block away and the folks who run it live in the area. Then again, I need to step outside for some frozen air anyway, as stir craziness will occur and the dope crashing here who smokes indoors when he shouldn’t (and needs to quit) is going to get a paper hatchet to the head otherwise. Hey, paper cuts can be pretty damn painful, you know…

Misty Non-Mountain Brain Hopping (Winter Version)…

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“What is that?” you ask? Well, that a look outside my window at about 4am or so Monday morning. It was so foggy and misty out that I wanted to snap a picture just for reference. I got this mess instead. So I tried again a few times and pretty much got the same result. Yeah, it’s not art or good photography, but what can I say? I was about to go to sleep and pop up less than two hours later to hit the laundry and get it over with before the cold snap hit. The weather has been getting pretty unusual over the past few years, but I can’t recall so many extremes in such a short time around here.

It was 75 degrees about a week or so ago and in the space of 24 hours here, the drop from the low 50’s to below zero is making news (and news reporters stupid). Granted, this stuff does happen in many places, but usually when it gets cold like this it stays like this for the better part of a week. As it stands, the snap here is just that, as temperatures are zipping up to about 40 in a day or so (it’s a regular heatwave!) and as usual, people are going into winter shopping panic mode, stocking up on things they stocked up on already as a form of exercise and protective paranoia.

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Granted, I’d prefer if some of those running around doing the headless chicken stayed the hell home and stopped coughing and sneezing around me and at least some of them would remember to bathe more regularly (seriously, there’s nothing like the scent of the great unwashed as you’re sitting in a public spot trying to write only to be distracted by a punch in the nose from a smelly person in smellier clothing who’s NOT homeless, mind you). But what can you do but hold your breath and perhaps raise and eyebrow in the general direction of someone offending. There’s no thrill quite like telling a total stranger to cover his nose and mouth as you’re covering your own from the germs and odor wafting your way. Yuck.

A Friendly Reminder (Nightlife Version)…

They Don't Serve Beer in Hell... At some point during your lifespan, you’ve probably (OK, most likely) stayed out late and gotten a bit too full of legal adult beverages to the point that the mere act of walking home becomes a challenging task. As in staying vertical is quite hard because the gravitational pull of concrete doubles per pint consumed. That and/or you just so happened to make the amateur mistake of over-beveraging at a tavern much further than you can stagger and crawl back to that warm bed you left when the sun was happily shining in the sky.

Anyway, at a certain hour when the local transportation system goes from reliable to pumpkin coach with rotted wheels and a dead horse, the night takes a really strange turn. Sure you COULD do the stupid tourist or out of towner thing and take a taxi to your humble abode, but any decent New York tippler KNOWS that’s just MORE money for food and booze the next time you’re out (or that hangover breakfast later that afternoon) you’re throwing away. Besides, that cabbie will circle you to Jersey and through Staten Island (or vice versa) before winding up with the entire contents of your wallet because you’ll be too blasted to know the difference. Or you’ll simply lose your money in that dark cab between the seat cushions when you finally get to your place. Cabbies know this (it’s why they’re always smiling on the weekends, sucker)… Continue reading