Random Film of the Week(end): LIFEFORCE

Posted on January 4, 2014 by geelw

If you were a big sci-fi flick fan around in 1985 and of a certain age, you probably went and saw LIFEFORCE for one of two reasons. You were either a horny guy or gal looking for cheap thrills or you were the girlfriend, husband or wife of that horny guy or gal elbowing your man/woman in the ribs and hissing at him every time Mathilda May appeared on screen, naked as a jaybird or not. Of course, there were most likely couples who saw this and grinned together at her wondrous curves, but let’s not turn this into a more saucy post than it’s intended to be.

Granted, at least a jaybird had feathers and it’s a damn good thing women back in that era weren’t overly obsessed with strategic downstairs depilatory action or this film might not have been as fun to watch as there would need to be some even more strategic editing than what’s here. Based on Colin Wilson’s 1976 novel, The Space Vampires with a screenplay by Dan O’Bannon, directed by Tobe Hooper and chock full of some wild practical effects,lots of blood and some gore, scenery chewing performances from most of the cast and an ending that’s still a bit baffling on a few fronts, this is one of those films that you’ll either love outright for its craziness or hate because after all is said and done, it doesn’t do anything grand with its space vampires at all other than show off how nude they are… Continue reading →

Happy Perihelion! Go Out And Get Some Sun Today (It’s A Lot Closer!)…

Posted on January 4, 2014 by geelw

(Thanks, ClassicMovieTrailers!)

Okay, so it’s not actually THAT hot out today, but yes, today is that day where the sun and earth are closest, which may not be any comfort at all to those of us who dislike the freezing weather and wish that closer hit star would do some rapid melting of what’s on the ground while super-heating the air around so it’s… well, just like that silly film clip above. Hey, silly – actual science doesn’t work that way and besides, things are already disrupted here enough (hotter, stranger summers and colder, stranger winters have been a thing for a while now). Oh, I know Perihelion isn’t a “day” to be celebrated like a traditional holiday – it’s just a term at the end of the day. So don’t go zipping into that big box party store looking for decorations any time soon.

You can however, get a fine start on next year’s Perihelion by going out and getting a few dozen boxes of glow in the dark stars of assorted sizes and a current map of the solar system and make a heroic attempt to recreate what’s on that map on your walls and ceilings. Er,I hope you live in a REALLY big house and don’t mind guests wondering who decorated your entire place like it was a planetarium gift shop. Or you could just do what everyone else here in the US does and wait until Aphelion (which is around July 4th) and get a free fireworks show as a backdrop for that non-holiday. One of those is a lot less maddening to accomplish (in most cases)…

Random Film of the Week: Beyond The Poseidon Adventure

Posted on January 1, 2014 by geelw

Oh, why do I do this to myself? Well, because someone had this flick handy, read my review of the original and offered it up for review, that’s why. That and I’m issuing a shot across the bow to anyone thinking this rusty old clunker will be a good movie because of the list of stars (some of the fading and fallen variety). Anyway, thanks in part to the massive success of blockbusters such as Jaws, Star Wars, Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Alien (among others) to by 1979, the star-studded disaster epic was pretty much dead in the water. However, Hollywood kept them coming for a little bit longer despite poor critical and audience reception.

Sadly, when original ideas started drying up, sequels to older crowd pleasers because one escape route that seemed to fail spectacularly despite stunt casting efforts galore. The great 1970 film Airport devolved into three miserable “look at the law of diminishing returns in action” sequels before crash-landing and for some reason, producer/director Irwin Allen decided to hold out for seven years to make a follow up to his smash hit The Poseidon Adventure. Well, he did get the seriously star-packed and seriously goofy disaster flicks The Towering Inferno and Earthquake made plus some TV projects in the interim, so he was a busy man. However, in the case of Poseidon’s second go, the result is pretty awful as a sequel, so seeing Beyond The Poseidon Adventure only comes recommended if you can mentally separate the two films and pretend this follow-up flick is a bad dream had by one of the survivors of the first movie… Continue reading →

Random Film of the Week: The Poseidon Adventure

Posted on January 1, 2014 by geelw

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

To many movie fans, Die Hard is one of the more unconventional holiday movies they gravitate to around that special time of year, spreading its most popular lines out as if they’re carols or random secret Santa gifts. Although it is a more “modern” classic, I prefer the New Year’s wake up splash that is 1972’s The Poseidon Adventure, still one of the best genre movies ever made in my opinion.

While it certainly wasn’t the first star-studded “disaster” movie made by Hollywood, it’s probably the one film fans are most likely to name off the top of their heads if asked. Forget the two lousy remakes from 2005 and 2009 and that completely wretched 1979 sequel, folks. The one works best as a one-off with an all-star cast (most of which buy the farm before the film is over) and an ending that basically says “we don’t need no stinkin’ sequels!” simply because you can’t top all the craziness you’ve just sat through… Continue reading →

Random Film of the Week(end), Too: Suture

Posted on December 29, 2013 by geelw

A few weeks back on an otherwise fine Tuesday while I was at the library typing away on a review or something at the usual table I sit at near the DVD section, a man came in with a friend of his looking for a particular film. However, from listening to their conversation behind me (the gentlemen weren’t whispering), neither could recall the title. As there wasn’t a clerk in earshot at the time, my encyclopedic brain clued into things quickly when one guy said “it’s about this black guy with a twin brother who’s white or something like that…” and without turning around (hey, I was busy and decided to help them out so I didn’t have to hear them gab away), I chimed in with “Suture” and heard both their heads turn around with a cartoon snapping sound. Not looking up, I smiled. I tend to surprise people sometimes with my head full of useless know-it-almost range on certain subjects

One guy leaned in like I was his new best friend and said “YEAH, that’s it! HOW did you know that, man?” His clothes smelled like he just ate at the newly re-opened McDonalds across the street and had a cigarette afterwards. My nose hairs curled up something awful, and I offered up the following nugget of truth: I’d seen it back when it was released and a few times on cable a few years later. To which Mr. Tobacco Burger (who’d turned around so his head was now on correctly) offered up his own nugget of truth. “I’ve been looking for this movie FOREVER, man!” (Edit: Okay, partial truth) – I heard it’s SO strange… I like strange movies like that!” I didn’t want to spoil his mood, but I did inform him that he should either ask at the front desk or see if it was in the database. of course, two or more amusing things happened after that, but I’ll keep you in suspense for a bit… Continue reading →

I’m Still Half-Dead. Here’s A Kung Fury Trailer to Watch (And Keel Over Laughing About)…

Posted on December 27, 2013 by geelw

So, I’m surprisingly alive, but I think I took a five-minute nod earlier. Anyway, this trailer for a Kickstarter funded film project is making the rounds and while it does pack a punch in few places, all that green screen work is a wee bit TOO perfect for an 80’s action flick. Yeah, yeah, it’s cheesy and hilarious, but somehow, the perfect mattes and effects seem more out of a full-motion video game than an intentionally awful movie that would have landed in a theater around 1987 or later. Granted, if this WAS a game project, I’d pony up a sack of pennies in a heartbeat (BOOM!). But as it is, this is going to make its target without a dime from me and make a lot of people smile in the process. Granted, this could end up like the next Snakes on a Plane if the jokes wear too thin, as what’s here is basically an expensive Saturday Night Live short film that’s stretched to what’s seemingly feature length. That said, you have to love the computer effects and Nintendo Power Glove with the finger tips cut off (those things were always too tight for adults unless they has kid-sized mitts) plus a few other things…

Random Films of the Week: Some Unconventional Holiday Movies? Sure, Why Not?

Posted on December 26, 2013 by geelw

So, I was sitting around with a few friends a few weeks back talking about movies and such when the subject of Christmas and holiday-themed movies came up and yes, everyone agreed that It’s A Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, A Christmas Story and a few other classics were all going to be watched at some point during the Season of Greetings. Interestingly enough, a few very unconventional titles got mentioned during this conversation to the point that I decided to toss a few of these films at you in a post and see what you think.

For some strange (well, not so strange) reasons, there are a lot of very non-holiday films on some people’s Holiday viewing schedules with most set during the winter or with cold weather as a big part of their plots (but not always). Anyway, as I see you’re wearing those dodgy jammies and overly fuzzy slippers you got yesterday as gifts and have that cup of “eggnog “at the ready, let’s get started with three or four for now and pick up some others in a future post…

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Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Trailer: I Thought “Ape Shall Never Kill Ape!” Was A Golden Rule?

Posted on December 18, 2013 by geelw

So, not only will there be a sequel to Rise of the Planet of the Apes, it looks as if this time it’s (even more) war as ape versus ape action will fill theaters next July and get the CG fans screaming. Me? I’ll wait for the cable premiere, as all these computer-made flicks just get on my nerves after anything over five minutes of otherwise hard work that’s failing to keep my interest the more of these effects hit me over the head. I’m NOT getting jaded at all, mind you. I just miss the days of practical work looking better in some respects and not as “perfect” because every motion is animated to a “T” and overemphasized to the point that it looks TOO realistic or worse, you get those “impossible to capture with a real camera” moments piled one atop the other and it’s basically not the director directing any longer. Yeah, we’ll see… we’ll see. It looks interesting and all, but if it’s not as “kinda fun” as Rise was, I’ll be sending a box of rotten banana peels to Fox with a mildly nasty note…

Random Film of the Week: Lizzie

Posted on December 16, 2013 by geelw

Released in the same year The Three Faces of Eve, 1957’s Lizzie covers the same thematic ground, albeit in a bit more unintentionally campy manner. Eleanor Parker plays Elizabeth and well as Beth and Lizzie, her two other personalities in this attempt at the “message” film sub-genre that Hollywood seemed to thrive on back then as writers and directors made more and more films with socially conscious and provocative subjects.

Although based on the novel The Bird’s Nest by Shirley Jackson and ably directed by Hugo Hass (who also has a small part in the film), compared to Eve and Joanne Woodward’s more realistic (and Oscar-winning) performance it’s far from a perfect film, especially when viewed today. For me, it’s the same thing with Otto Preminger’s classic The Man With the Golden Arm where the bulk of its otherwise deadly serious subject matter can be mined for comic gold because of some pointed overkill that may have been “shocking” in the 1950’s, but awesomely funny today. Parker’s role in that film was also well acted, but as her Zosh made me chuckle and cringe there, Lizzie here gets me grinning every time she takes over poor Elizabeth and starts gnawing on the scenery (and some poor man) to great effect… Continue reading →

Not So Random Film of the Week: The Lovely Bones

Posted on December 16, 2013 by geelw

Hey, kids! Happy Christmas (or whatever you celebrate) and all that rot! I had to open one of my presents early in order to tell you what my brain and eyeballs say about it, so here you go. This post is my little contribution to The Cinematic Katzenjammer’s Not-So-Secret Santa Review Swap. It’s definitely not a holiday flick (nor a joyous one), but you never know what you’ll get from Saint Nick when he drops something down your chimney. You just need to review it and hope you do a good job at it… OR ELSE. Anyway, grab some eggnog, pull up a comfy chair, put the pet of choice on your lap and read on!

I have a particular problem with most ghost stories in film thanks to zero continuity or lineage in the mythos from one tale to another across the globe. Yes, I’ve seen dozens of great films from mildly spooky to downright scare me under the furniture freaky in over 46 years of watching movies, but their level of effectiveness is more due to great writing and acting than these tales making any sort of logical sense from one to another. That said, after watching it twice, I can very safely say that The Lovely Bones is a beautiful looking, wonderfully shot and mostly terrifically acted movie that for me, was manipulative, frustrating and not at all satisfying to watch.

Even Brian Eno swiping his own music from tracks on Here Come The Warm Jets (one of my favorite albums) and adding them to his often ethereal score can’t save this film from its weaknesses. Then again, maybe it’s me being cranky here? After all, Peter Jackson and I have some unspoken grief beef ever since 1996’s The Frighteners made me want to strangle myself in my sleep after I saw it and the overkill of way too many CG effects and too much trying to be too funny and too serious simultaneously beat a whole theater of paying saps into a blue-green hued coma. That said, this 2009 film makes that old one look a lot more palatable and enjoyable in comparison… Continue reading →