Yeah, yeah, we NORMALLY do our Saturday Evening Post about the swingin’ Swery65 Bar, but I just got an URGENT call followed by an email from Greenvale’s own Sheriff George Woodman, who’s a bit pissed off at me. OK, he’s REALLY pissed off at me and he’s probably got a good reason for that. Hey, I’m just trying to make these updates as entertaining as possible, so I tend to stretch the truth a little. Anyway, he’s mad because I’ve been portraying him as a bad-ass apple practical joker who’s mean, cranky and always going after FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York!) in some not so good ways. Anyway, George wants you to know that he’s a really nice guy and has a VERY sensitive side few get to see because he’s SUPPOSED to be a tough no-nonsense sheriff and isn’t supposed to be a super “nice” guy when he’s ON the job. Anyway, a few more things about George you should know (according to him):

To all the single ladies in the house, he likes long walks on the beach, classical music and fine dining (despite Greenvale not having a beach or wine being served at the A&G Diner where he can be found nearly every day – those home fries are killer!). George also writes the occasional poem or song and, hey… he even sent along an email with some sample lyrics from something he’s done recently to show he’s got a good sense of humor about himself:

Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice
Cause I speak of the pompat…

HEY, wait a minute there! Those are the opening lines from that classic rock song The Joker by the Steve Miller Band! Damn you George… you almost got me, too. Hmmm. I just got another email from him with a picture – he’s giving me the finger and sticking his tongue out in it. Yeah, he’s a TOTAL jerk after all, folks…

Still, don’t let that stop you one bit from pre-ordering your own copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Featuring updated visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content and more, you’ll absolutely love the game for the stuff outside of Woodman’s little power plays for your undivided attention. I think he’s just ticked off that York is getting more attention than he ever has. Personally, I really do think there’s something wrong with the guy, (but don’t you DARE tell him I said that as I think he’s got quite a mean streak)…

Still, I guess it was fine working for a famous big shot Game Director like Swery 65 (shown here with another famous big shot game director, Suda 51), as I can’t recall ANY reports of on-set problems while the game was being made. Sure, a few makeup and catering people went missing (and have never been found), but you know how it is in this business with a high turnover rate among certain types of low-level employees, right? Hmmm… maybe I should do some more digging on this Woodman character, as York seems like he’s a bit tied up with that Red Seeds Killer case and I think he could use some assurance that ol’ George isn’t a suspect…

It’s Friday in Greenvale and it’s been a long, long week for Emily, York and George as they’ve been dealing with the rather annoying Red Seeds Killer and his murderous ways. You can’t have a successful tourism business if people who show up in town never leave. Granted, you DO get friends and relatives from other areas coming in for funerals or to claim the remains, but that’s not what your otherwise sleepy town needs to be known for, I’d gather. Anyway, in this screen, Emily is looking forward to getting home and out of that uniform into a hot bath with a good book and a glass of wine. York is looking forward to getting to the bottom of this damn case and putting the killer (or killers) behind bars or in a nondescript pine box. And George? Well, he’s looking forward to when York gets back to his hotel room and finds out he’s had a KICK KILL ME sign taped to the back of his jacket all day. If this were a sitcom, that scene would play out something like this:

Interior: YORK’S motel room, Greenvale.
YORK comes in, shuts door and takes of jacket. Hanging it on the door he sees the taped on sign George put there that morning when he slapped him on the back.

YORK (pulls sign off jacket, looks at it, makes a face and shakes his fist at the jacket hanging on the door): “Woodman!” (cue laugh track)…

Oh, that George! What a cut-up…

Of course, you can make sure you keep a good eye on George Woodman and his antics when you pick up a copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Updated HD visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, an all-new scenario and more will all help you make sure Woodman’s less of a pest than he normally is. Then again, I’m betting you won’t care much about what George is trying to put ON your back than you will be about the Red Seeds Killer trying to put IN your back. Paying attention to the big picture means a lot more living to look forward to, I’d say.

And of course, Game Director Swery 65 is DEFINITELY looking forward to all of you enjoying his game or not enjoying it, then debating with DP fans about what makes it so great. I’d say the fans of this one will outnumber the haters, who will be squeaking away like mice about holes in their cheese as everyone else is enjoying the ride. And playing the game all over again once they’re done.  I say we should all make him a happy guy, as happy guys who make games make more good games afterward…

So, FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York) has a keen eye for intriguing and functional architecture, it seems. Given that Greenvale is a pretty scenic little sleepy town (and a bit of a tourist hotspot lately), you’d think he’d fall more in love with the gorgeous landscape including all those big trees and clean air. But, nope – he falls head over heels for a certain official-looking building in town… and you won’t believe which one (even though I gave it away – oops). Granted, it’s probably close to his heart because it’s related to his type of employment, but still, who wants to take their work home with them ALL the time. OK, granted he’s got a lot to take care of in town what with the Red Seeds Killer doing his thing and all, but I’d not even want to know what that special person in his life thinks of his obsession. Hmmm… then again, the special person in York’s life is is imaginary friend, Zach… but we won’t talk about that now. You’ll just need to see that for yourself…

And guess what, folks? You can do exactly that if you grab a copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Updated HD visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, an all-new scenario and more await your own appreciation. You may not know about art at all, but you should know what you like, I say. Even if it scares the hell out you most of the time you’re playing it. But you LOVE being scared, correct? Well, that’s what it says on your social network profiles. I’ve been reading alllllllll about you lately. You should appreciate that, too…

Speaking os appreciation, by the way, you buying this game and telling a friend or three would make Game Director Swery65 REALLY happy. If you ask me, I’d say that he’s sure to make a name for himself here in the US with his hot little interactive horror story and you can most certainly help out by snapping up a copy as soon as you see it at your favorite game emporium. I think he’s really on to something with this scary stuff, folks…