But you could really care less about what iNetvideo.com is selling because you’re looking at the picture above they posted earlier this afternoon on their Facebook page and thinking something along the lines of “MAN, THAT’S A BIG FU@#ING BUNNY!” So let me get you back on track here. Yeah, that’s pretty damn massive lagomorph. Like Night of the Lepus massive. Which just so happens to be on sale at the site as we speak. Wait, now you’re hungry? Oh, you’ve seen that picture above, aren’t vegan at all and ran so fast into the kitchen to measure that turkey pan that you ran over one or more kids and the family pet in the process? Oh, they’ll heal up nicely – just let them cry it out. Besides, that smelly old bottle of Bactine is still in the medicine cabinet behind the big pills you take every morning. “It still stings, so it still works!”, as Grandma says.Or USED to say before she went off the The Big Sky all those years back. Ah, Grandma (*sniff*)…
Later on, the kids and pet are all snoozy and healed up, things are quiet and you’re absolutely stuffed full of rabbit photo. All is right in the world… until you realize that it’s NOT Bactine at all you sprayed everyone with, but some of Gammy Gam-Gam’s SPECIAL medicine she made in the bathtub from some old potatoes and onions, eleven garlic bulbs, a can of Sterno and some grain alcohol she gets from the guys down the hall. Yeah, the ones who wear overalls and long johns all summer. Er, a little of that goes a long way and yeah, you’ll end up calling a mere sip The Time Machine because you always wake up afterwards and it’s another day that’s passed you’ve forgotten all about. Horror Express, indeed…
Sure, May 3 isn’t exactly THAT far away… then again, it’s not exactly close, is it? Still, this seems to be the sweet spot for these blockbusters where a month or so in advance, the TV commercials start dropping in many varieties. Of course you can expect 30 and 60-second spots, clips scattered around cable and online, the early screening buzz (where the more fortunate press get to show up and blab about positively or otherwise on their sites) and finally, a few premieres of the star-studded variety.
If you’re still desperate, Dr. Swery’s radio advice show may still be on the air. Hmmmm. If I recall correctly, it used to run from midnight to 7AM daily on that radio station you get in the hotel better than anywhere else in Greenvale, but I haven’t heard a thing since those strange killings started. I hope he’s alright, as that was a really good program. Hmmm… now that you mention it, there’s been a few other odd things going on since he’s been gone. I sure hope he’s OK. Maybe I should call up a detective or something? Oh, wait – there’s one in town, I hear. Now where the hell was he? Probably working a big case or something…
Sure, that title may make it sound a little too much like some overly pompous religious themed film, but director Preston Sturges’ great, outrageous 1944 comedy is still one of the more hilariously subversive Hollywood movies of that era when the Hays Code was clamping down hard on movies and forcing directors to come up with all sorts of means to get around some pretty stupid and strict rules. For some reason, those censors must have been asleep at the wheel as The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek is still one of the funniest movies ever made, period. If your eyebrow is hovering above your head like a skeptical cartoon character, go rent or yank out from your movie collection Judd Apatow’s Knocked Up and watch this afterward. I bet you’re laughing harder at the older film, so pony up five cents now and mail it my way after you lose that bet…
"DESTROY ALL FANBOYS!" 