Review: Hellboy (2019)

The heroic trio

London’s burning with boredom, now: Well, not yet on the burning part, but plot-wise, that’s all she rote. This is a busy flick that can be hell to watch.

hellboy poster

Somewhere around the 10th level of Hell, it’s good.

So, I finally saw Hellboy a few days ago and waited to write this review to see if I still remembered what happened a few days later as it’s quite a busy flick (there’s a LOT going on, let me tell you).  I did remember (mostly), but I also realized for the second time after a second viewing that it would have been better as a short mini-series on cable spread over a few days that the two-hour film that’s here. I mean, go big or go home, right? This film just goes big all the time, but all that effort manages to feel flat and canned.

The main issue here is despite the copious amounts of swearing, R-rated mostly CGI gore and a few decent performances, the film crams so much in its 120 minutes that it feels like three films worth of material. Between the flashbacks, references to the comic (of which there are plenty) and the fact that it’s quite loud most of the time and has a pretty annoying selection of “headbanging” hard rock tunes (if headbanging means bashing one’s own skull in with a Sisyphus-sized boulder), the end result manages to feel too much like a film made by committee. This one’s a push-button film designed to be some sort of forced “cult classic” and both looks and feels like it. At least some of the practical costume monsters look as if they’re perfect for prime time.

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Dark Horse Comics and Sideshow Collectibles Wish You A Happy Hellboy Day (And How)!

HBDAY FB IMAGEHey! It’s Hellboy Day at comics shops all over the place, kids! Well, now. Sideshow Collectibles and Dark Horse Comics are sure in a celebratory mood, it seems. That explains not only the new BUY ME NOW $20 hardcover collection, Hellboy: The First 20 Years and that awesome $50 77-issue Hellboy Digital Megabundle, but also this pretty killer $399 Mike Mignola Hellboy Premium Format Figure, now available for pre-order for August delivery. Check it out:

Sideshow_HellBoy

Nice, huh? That gap in time will YOU time to find a spot for this big guy, as he’s 23″ H (584.2mm) x 12″ W (304.8mm) x 13″ L (330.2mm) and weighs in at a whopping 15 pounds. Yeah, that’s “small” for Hellboy if he actually existed, but for your real-life place with that wobbly coffee table with the matchbook shoved under one leg for “stability”) or shelf of questionable weight load distribution? Yeah, I’d say it’s time for an actual display case or just some new shelves entirely. Although I’m far from the one you want offering advice as far as shelf solutions. I’m just waiting for the day when I’m buried alive under a former Jenga-like tower of games. I’ll survive, though. Unless I decide to PLAY my way out and forget to eat at some point…