Apple Watch | "DESTROY ALL FANBOYS!"

Hey, it’s ONLY $10,000. Not including mandatory iPhone 6 so it actually works (!), service contract and whatever other other Apple charges they hit you with. Hell, if I’m paying that much for a watch (and I’m not), that thing better make me Dick Tracy on his Two-Way Wrist Radio (and later, Two-Way Wrist TV!) AND have a battery I can change myself. AND a damn protective case. The thing the I dislike so much about Apple products is for all the ads touting innovation and creativity and how awesome they make every aspect of your Apple life seem, treating the consumer like a dope who can’t swap out their own dead batteries (or maybe download a new OS on an older phone no longer supported even if it still works PERFECTLY) is just too condescending.

Imagine a car you HAD to drive all the way (or have towed) back to the dealership when you got a flat tire, needed wiper fluid or something else anyone an learn to do if they apply themselves. Sure, some people are total tech wipe-outs when it comes to maintenance. But not all of us who want a battery we can swap out are pirates, hackers, or whatever else Apple seems to be scared of. It’s a damn good thing they don’t make flashlights or toilet paper holders, people. Although, I hear there’s some sort of vehicle in development, so perhaps that flat tire and washer fluid thing WILL happen sooner that later. Damn technology is turning us all into Weebles and we don’t give a rat’s ass about it.

Eh, whatever. This thing will sell out all over from the basic model to this exorbitant golf truffle bar supremo. Perhaps I can go scout out a space in line at an Apple Store in NYC and make a mint selling that space to someone who REALLY wants this or any other Apple Watch? Well, I’d do that if I didn’t have more interesting things to tackle. That and I’m not THAT koo-koo (even thought I’m sure I’d make a nice chunk of change)…

While I did have a (very) brief affair with a Macintosh back in the 90’s, I was never really an Apple fan or fanatic, despite the company’s many innovations and rather, er… obsessed user base. I liked the design of their products and their ad campaigns were amazingly clever and clearly made to grab one’s attention. But for me, most marketing flies in one ear and right out the other because I’m all about the end result of all those billions spent and frankly speaking, prefer products where I as the end user have total control over how I interact with them. When the iPod was released, it baffled me because I knew digital music would never sound as good as vinyl or even the few steps down CD’s did. Nevertheless, people sheeped right on up to the bar and made the player a superb success for Apple, changing the way we bought music probably forever, and for the worse some would say. Why buy an album meant to be heard in its entirety when you could pick and choose songs you like and play them OUT OF ORDER, thus destroying any actual meaning their creators intended? Eh, no big deal, right? It’s ONLY music, right?