E3 2013: Microsoft, Meet The Real World…

Posted on June 6, 2013 by geelw

So, according to Microsoft, their new Xbox One wonder-box of miracles ABSOLUTELY requires an always online connection, restricts sharing of physical or digital games and does a few other things so terribly wrong for the sake of the “future” that it all means if you live in an area with no, crappy or “borrowed” internet access… you’re screwed.

Actually, you’re not really screwed… you just need to find another console to play your games on. Boo. To paraphrase the original Star Trek’s good Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy: “It’s a console, NOT a cellphone!”

Yeah, well… someone’s going to be in for a big, fat Greek surprise this holiday season and it’s not the consumer who’s decided to move on and spend their money elsewhere. It will be any Microsoft executive expecting a gigantic bonus check for implementing possibly the worst enforced evolution scheme in the relatively brief history of video gaming. Want to hand a used game down to the kids in another home? Good luck with that. Want to lend someone you recently became acquainted with a game you bought and beat a few days back? Nope – they need to be on your Friends List for at LEAST 30 days. Not 29, 20, 14 or 4, folks. 30 or up. There’s a lot more, but it’s all downhill and garbage gibberish that sounds as if it was randomly generated PR nonsense… Continue reading →

E3 2013: Surprises From DICE? Maybe (If You’re Very Easily Surprised, That Is)…

Posted on June 5, 2013 by geelw

Hmmmm… Let’s see now. As much as I dislike speculation about this sort of stuff (my brain usually has better things to do with its time), I figure I may as well play along for a few minutes and get this out of the way so I can be proven wrong and get back to other, more important issues. I’d guess that we’ll see a big Battlefield 4 reveal, something very Star Wars related (and perhaps exclusive to a certain upcoming console/cable box hybrid), a lot of DLC news and maybe, just maybe something portable gamers may want to get their paws on (maybe). That is all. If I’m right, I’m pleased with this three minute forecasting exercise. If I’m wrong, well… what else is new?

Bethesda Gets You Cultured (Sort of): Welcome to Uppsala, Sweden!

Posted on June 5, 2013 by geelw

While Machine Games toils away on its new game, Wolfenstein: The New Order, Bethesda (and YOU) get a little more cultured in this latest update that actually features no game footage at all (whee!). OK, OK… stop panicking, people. You see soon enough that the game is definitely in good hands (I’ll post a gallery after E3 is over and done). Think of it this way: the lighthearted travelogue and studio tour going on above and below is just fluff to keep your eyes and ears in shape for the upcoming shooter.

In plain English: giving you too much candy now will just ruin your appetite for dinner, you know… that’s your free lesson of the day.

Dungeons & Dragons: Chronicles of Mystara – Meet The Thief (Your Wallet Will Be Lighter, But You Won’t Mind)

Posted on June 5, 2013 by geelw

Another week, another class from Capcom’s upcoming arcade classic set to hit PC, PSN, XBLA and Nintendo’s eShop later this month. As I noted in my hands-on preview last week or thereabouts (hey, it’s close to E3 and I’m up to my newly clipped nose hairs in press releases and such!), the game is coming along fantastically and will be packed to the gills with content and game modes that should make it highly replayable.

Hopefully, this will do well enough that we also see portable versions hit as well as a new sequel or all-new D&D game starring the same characters plus a few more classes for good measure. All that’s up to you (well… partly, as I’m not sure how “easy” it is to get the license for a new game from whomever owns it these days), so make sure you make yourself happy and Capcom happier by snapping this up.

UPDATE! Release dates from Capcom incoming: Dungeons & Dragons: Chronicles of Mystara is due out this June on PSN (NA: 6/18; EU: 6/19), Xbox LIVE (NA: 6/19; EU: 6/19), Wii U e-Shop (TBC – more info coming soon!), and PC (NA: 6/18; EU: 6/18) for $14.99.

E3 2013: South Park: The Stick of Truth Trailer: They Didn’t Kill Kenny!

Posted on June 5, 2013 by geelw

Nope, THQ’s dying off in slow flames didn’t stop this game from getting snapped up by the highest bidder when the publisher’s assets were sold off, so veteran developer Obsidian Entertainment and new publisher Ubisoft are making sure fans of the TV show will have nothing to worry about. Granted, if you hate South Park, you’re shaking your fist at the screen and screaming “Whyyyyyyy??!!” or something (and if you’re at work or in a public place, you’re just mouthing it so no one gives you a dirty look), but this one looks like it’ll be fun and as pointedly crude as the show.

I’m not a regular viewer myself, but it does make me laugh and cringe at all the proper moments. One thing, though… where the hell is the Wii U version? Ubisoft? Get on that, please. I’ll most likely grab this for the PS3, but I’d say Nintendo’s console could use some more love…

Fantasia: Music Evolved: Harmonix Has A Hit Here (But I Bet The Real Yen Sid Is Rolling In His Freezer…)

Posted on June 4, 2013 by geelw

Ho-kay. I’m so behind the times in the modern music thing that I initially thought this was going to be a game featuring that former American Idol winner who fell on hard times (pay your taxes, people!) getting a second chance in a new IP where players got to sing in front of their KINECT-enabled TV’s. Boy was I wrong. Look, I’ll give Harmonix every benefit of the doubt because they’ve made some great and innovative music and dance-themed games for a number of consoles, but this trailer is pretty lousy because it doesn’t say “Disney” to me at all – it says “desperation” for whomever got behind this and forgot all about the original movie and that still impressive classic animation/classical music combination.

Yes, I get the whole argument about tuning in to modern tastes, and YES, poking about for previews has revealed that the game has a few interesting aspects that make it sort of a cross between Child of Eden and some sort of exploration/collection-fest. That said, as a fan of traditional animation and more types of music than the not yet completely revealed track list that’s seemingly made up of later 20th to more current hits, I have to pull the emergency brake and fall onto the heaving bosom of a tutu-clad cartoon hippo for comedic effect. Come on, Harmonix – there’s a great library of classical tunes that deserve being introduced to folks who have no clue what an orchestra is.

Yeah, this will probably do well and make people like me warm up the oven to pop in another frozen crow pie, but no classic Disney magic means… no classic Disney magic, period. Bruno Mars and classic Queen are for listening to when you’re dancing in the shower (watch that soapy floor!) or driving to the mall with the kids (as they’re screaming at you to change the station because Freddie Mercury’s voice freaks them out). I guess this being an exclusive for the Xbox 360 and Xbox One means the chances of a Wii U game that’s closer to the original film (or hell, even Fantasia 2000) in tone. But, whatever – maybe I’m just old fashioned or something…

Now Playing: Remember Me (and Other Stuff)…

Posted on June 4, 2013 by geelw

Of course, I had to run out early on Friday evening and zoomed past the UPS truck a block away that I SHOULD have hung around a few minutes to bug the driver about any packages that were mine on board, but, oh well. Anyway, Remember Me popped up again yesterday and I’ve been playing it since (which is why there weren’t a load of posts happening, folks). Anyway, it’s quite a blast and yep, a review is incoming probably tomorrow. So far, it’s quite original, somewhat linear, but very gorgeous in a “this is the game you make when your studio is in Paris!” kind of way.

Back in a bit – spoiler: the score will be good unless the game falls apart in what looks like the last few areas I’ll be getting back to soon enough. As for “Other Stuff”, that’s not a game – it’s just my queue stacked up with a bunch of games I’ll try to get to before the E3 crunch steamrolls me…

Memo to Microsoft: You Can’t Rewrite History By Erasing It…

Posted on June 2, 2013 by geelw

I was going to save this (or a variation of this) for after Microsoft’s E3 press conference, but I may as well do some (ugh) speculation based on their current mine cart zooming to the cliff full of baskets of freshly laid rotten egg ideas.

Actually, I’ll lay some new-age Nostradumbass foundation here and follow up after the show (or during if I’m able to recover from whatever “major game announcements” they throw into the pot that either make or break their new console as a purchase around these parts.

Anyway, for some insane reason, Microsoft keeps wanting to ignore, avoid or otherwise stamp out its gaming history in favor of shipping out a new console that does even more to be less of a gaming system and more of a cable box with a gaming “service” added in, an always connected all-seeing eye that some are already seeing as having serious privacy rights issues and what’s looking like a near complete focus on North American entertainment tastes, well… sure, go right on ahead. I still have three working Xboxes, two dead Xbox 360’s (and when your first console is better made than your second… that’s a bit of an issue) and a nice chunk of physical media to fall back on.

Sure, you’ll get sales from those who want to buy into your service plans and monetization schemes, but but at what REAL cost at the end of the day? You can indeed keep those shareholders and non-gaming investors and overpaid analysts happy all you want, but torching the forest and salting the ground behind you means no one will remember that Microsoft once (at least outside the U.S. of A.) was KEY is helping create a more important part of game history at one point in the faraway past.

That would be the MSX and its variants and not the Xbox, by the way.

More sane over-thought processing to come during or after E3…

Ride to Hell: Retribution “Built, Not Bought” Trailer: Hmm, How About A Slice of Iron Pie?

Posted on June 1, 2013 by geelw

Well, OK… you can technically add food to stuff you can “build” and not buy off the shelf, but who’s writing this lame material, hmmm? Anyway, Deep Silver’s and Eutechnyx’ grindhouse biker action game is still on the way and sure, it’s not going to win any Game of the Year awards for visuals, but it just may be a hell of a lot more fun than some expect. Especially because you absolutely CAN’T judge a game by looks alone in this day and age. Hell, that would kill nearly the whole retro/indie games market in one go. As I’ve noted elsewhere, if it’s fun to play and makes you laugh in all the right spots (as in WITH the game, not AT it), it’s a keeper. Sort of like with people, you know…

Batman: Arkham Origins Update: The Riddler Is Back To Drive Bats Nuts…

Posted on June 1, 2013 by geelw

Hoo boy. Those darn Riddler Challenge puzzles were am optional set of very tricky timed action sequences that extended the life of the previous games for anyone up to the task, and WB Montreal isn’t forgetting about them in this next installment. You know the drill, folks. You’re doing your Darkight Detective thing and while on a rooftop or some other otherwise nondescript location, you spy a glowing green “?”, accidentally or intentionally trigger a pressure plate and need to race to hit a few other spots so you can nab something cool before it’s locked away. The first one’s a gimme, but they get harder and harder and the next thing you know, you’re up at 4am consulting an online FAQ or making one yourself. This is actually the ONLY question I had about the game, as I know it’s in mighty fine hands otherwise. Off to look at jumbo-size aspirin, as some of those later puzzles will no doubt require a few…