Burning Questions: Is It Even Worth Going to Some Movies Anymore?

Posted on August 8, 2013 by geelw

So, if you paid good money to see the not so hot Oblivion back in April when it came out, I’m betting you were surprised as hell to see a TV or internet commercial about two months later advertising the home video version coming… on August 2, 2013, less than FOUR MONTHS after the theatrical release. Wow. Granted, this is the day and age of some minor films getting a direct to download/view option at the same time as their theatrical launches or a direct to video as well as a theatrical release. But I believe that Oblivion is the fastest “A” budget title to land on video (feel free to correct me, movie guys). I didn’t see it in a theater and don’t plan to buy it on a disc (yup, I’m not a Cruise fan these days, sorry), but I have to almost feel bad for the guy (almost… but not really) having to see his big, big “blockbuster” go the “please bump up my take on the gross” route or whatever in less than the usual time it takes for a film so expensive to make show up at retail… and at a “special price” at that.

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Random Film of the Week: THE CAR

Posted on July 17, 2013 by geelw

Since it’s hot as HELL outside, I figured I may as well throw you readers a bone in the form of a film with a lot of heat under its hood that won’t burn you (unless you’re expecting it to blow you away with stellar acting and a memorable plot.) If you take it at all seriously (and it’s VERY hard to do so, mind you), 1977’s THE CAR isn’t a great film by any stretch of the imagination, but it sure as hell is a really and unintentionally hilarious one.

It’s more or less a nasty-tasting cake made up of equal parts of single-word title films (JAWS, DUEL), a dash of devil possession from some other popular 70’s flicks, a custom George Barris ride that looks like a tricked out rolling bathtub and some (as in too many) scenery chewing lead and character actors having at the jumbled script and its crazy plot diversions.

This is a “Yours is not to question why…” flick, plain and simple. Small run down desert town gets visited and its citizenry terrified (and run down) by a mysterious driver-less evil car from hell (more or less). Sheriff and crew take on car with mixed and amusing results until they realize that good old fashioned explosives and a few tons of boulders solve many problems. Crash, Bang, Boom… The End? Yeah, it’s that simple enough to be a thirty minute episode of some sort of horror anthology on TV (or as part of a much better film anthology), but THE CAR is padded with a number of dopey subplots that don’t really go anywhere because after too many minutes of greasy buildup someone usually gets killed (and taken out of the picture as a result), leaving that screen door swinging in the breeze until the next victim shows up…

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Curse of Chucky Trailer: That New CG Dolly Doesn’t Scare Me One Bit…

Posted on July 11, 2013 by geelw

Bleh. No wonder this is direct to Blu-Ray & DVD, although I won’t stop you from buying or renting it. Some folks are creeped out by this new digital Chucky, but I couldn’t stop laughing once his eyeballs bulged when that gal leans in closer. Maybe I’ll catch this on cable in a few months and change my mind, but probably not. For my money, 1945’s Dead of Night still has the scariest single “animated” doll on film, but I’ll give it up for Trilogy of Terror’s “Amelia” chapter for putting me under a couch. This new film might put me under a couch if I’m rolling on the floor laughing… we shall see…

It’s Hump Day and Conan Still Hates Camels.

Posted on July 10, 2013 by geelw

OK, this camel-socking joke has a (VERY) short lifespan, but I’d forgotten about the cinema from Cauldron’s 2004 game Conan (or Conan: The Dark Axe), which never got a US release. It’s not bad for what it is (I own the PC, PAL format Xbox and GameCube versions), clocks in at about 8 or 9 hours the first time through and has versus and survival modes that strangely enough don’t allow you to play as Conan(!). Anyway, yeah… more digital animal abuse (again!) just means I get put on that camel hit list again (which is why I avoid zoos, deserts and anything else where there’s a chance I’ll be set upon by pissed off humpbacked four-legged creatures. Well, I’ve had dreams with camels in them, but I’ve never punched one and they’ve pretty much left me alone…

Wednesday Is BUMP Day For Camels on Conan’s Calendar…

Posted on July 3, 2013 by geelw

(from ptyalisme)

Well, now. I guess I can take it this also means Mr. Conan doesn’t need any car insurance either? Well, he doesn’t even have a car in those movies, so… Hmmm, I just realized that this joke only works if you live in the US and watch TV commercials, so anyone reading this outside the states is probably very baffled (or even more so than usual). Anyway, poor camel! Well, I guess it’s better to take a lump to the dome than cough up a lung or two smoking those nasty cigarettes he’s been peddling on the side. I guess that’s another American joke too, huh? Karma is a bitch, folks. Of course, all this means is Arnold is coming back as a camel in his next life and that camel? He’s probably coming back as Bruce Lee and he’ll have Camel Arnold’s address very well memorized. If I’m around that long, I’ll be sure to post the results of that match here…

New Riddick: RTD Trailer: Cheer Up, Vin – Looks Like Lots Will Sit In the Pitch Black to See This Sequel.

Posted on June 19, 2013 by geelw

Nice to see Riddick: Rule the Dark isn’t being rolled out into theaters this September with any funky 3D added, as I think it will hold up as is without the gimmick. Personally, I hate wearing glasses over my glasses, although, it’s cool to take the freebie specs home and see if any games look interesting with them. Hey, I’m a firm believer in tech that multi-tasks! OK, I watched too many Good Eats episodes back when the Food Network was kind of still about cooking and not competitive food disposal contests mixed with crap “reality” TV… Oh, I’m not ranting here, folks… just speaking the truth is all…

Random Film of the Week: Play Misty for Me

Posted on May 29, 2013 by geelw

Play Misty for Me With Arrested Development back on the block as a hot TV series (well, if you count not actually being on TV as part of a popular pay-to-stream service that’s 100% useless if your internet goes down), I figured I may as well celebrate the fact that I can’t see it (until someone wises up and gets a physical media collection out) by pointing you to this more than pretty decent 1971 Clint Eastwood-directed thriller that may have kicked off the whole “unhinged stalker hookup” sub-genre. OK, put that jaw up, stop doing that double take and pay attention – there’s a point here being made (I think).

AD’s Jessica Walter is in this one, younger, more attractive and save for the psychotically imbalanced character she’s so good at playing in this flick, she’d probably be a great partner for Eastwood’s late night DJ, Dave Garver. Of course, Dave’s not actually a completely nice, innocent guy here, but that’s another thing the film plays with as it tells the tale of lust gone bad…
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Riddick: Rule the Dark Trailer: This One’s Too Easy To Poke Fun At (Again), But…

Posted on May 28, 2013 by geelw

I’ll be nice and give it a pass because the series is three out of four in my eyes. Yeah, I think I made a “Dim Weasel” joke before (well, I thought it was hilarious), but I watched Pitch Black again a few days ago and it’s not a bad intro to the Riddick character. Even better were the two video games (The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay and The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Athena) that worked thanks to developer Starbreeze Studios NOT basing it on the first film, but on developing the Riddick character and making him an interesting anti-hero. That last Riddick film from a few years back was… entertaining in a biting off more than it could chew in developing more lore for the character, but it holds up if you don’t take it too seriously.

This new flick seems to go back to what made Pitch Black watchable – Riddick up against a deadly threat, but adding in the twist of him needed help from the hunters after him in order to survive. WIll I go and see it on day one? Probably not. But if it turns out better than expected (not that I’m expecting anything other than it has a beginning and ending and something blows up at one point), I’ll be catching this a few months down the road on its cable premiere…

Random Film of the Week(end): Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid

Posted on May 26, 2013 by geelw

dead men don't wear plaid If you want to get your friends into classic movies, there are three ways to do so. Kidnapping them, strapping them to a chair with eye clamps and locking them in a room with a TV locked onto Turner Classic Movies isn’t quite the best idea, nor is lecturing them about how all modern films are terrible compared to everything pre-code or up to say, 1959.

I’d say method three, where you invite them over and pop on Carl Reiner’s 1982 film Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid works the best because you get a film that’s not too old, funny as hell and one that’s going to get copious notes taken as to which classics were used in certain scenes. Of course, you’ll also have to convince some of those friends who don’t like any black and white movies (or Steve Martin) that this is worth a look, but that shouldn’t be too hard if you’re smart…
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R.I.P.D. Trailer: D.O.A., Or Will This Horror-ish Flick Cop A Feel From Fans?

Posted on May 11, 2013 by geelw

Hmmmm. As soon as I saw this trailer, I thought of the great cable series from a few years back Dead Like Me having a baby with Men in Black (with a hefty amount of rewriting so the seams aren’t showing, of course). Well, that could go both ways, as in this will either be really good or really bad. Interestingly enough, I’ve been seeing some negative press about this and a few other summer flicks from overpaid analysts who seem to predict doom a wee bit too much based on some cracked crystal ball and a need to collect a paycheck. I often wonder if any of this “analysis” is paid for by competing studios who don’t mind stabbing another studio and their big-budget projects in the face with these opinions, but let’s keep out of trouble on that front (for now)…