Sanrio | "DESTROY ALL FANBOYS!"

No, it’s not MINE – Image swiped from kittyhell.com

Ermagawwwwwd! Yeesh, it MUST be a slow news day, as the internet has come up with some more fake outrage over a nonsense subject no one needs to read about*. So, it turns out that people are just figuring out Hello Kitty is (*gasp*) NOT A CAT. Yaaaaaaaah. *Yawn*. Nope, she never was and never will be, if you’ve ever been to the official Sanrio site and read her bio. I did this years ago and satisfied my curiosity about that, but it seems the latest generation of know-lessings and some people who should know better are giving this much ink for no other reason than there must be no celebrity news they can scrape over jagged rocks before they gnaw on the bones left over from that process.

yeah, so she’s a little English girl, height five apples, weight three apples and yeah, it looks like she’s giving you the finger in that image on the site. Probably because she’s TIRED OF PEOPLE CALLING HER A DAMN CAT ALL THE TIME. Hell, she HAS a pet cat (see below on that bio page) AND a hamster who’s a friend of that cat, for crying out loud. You should be more concerned about why she doesn’t have a mouth, I’d say. But even then, Sanrio has a mighty good excuse for that at the bottom of that bio page. So there. Now go find something else to get upset about. I’m sure you can look out a window and see plenty of things to make you flip your wig.

*(He said, ironically giving this story some MORE traction. Well, shoot me later for being a hypocrite, but it made me laugh when I saw this…)

I’ve found that one of the big secrets to enjoying life is smiling more and anything Sanrio is usually quite good for getting a grin going, no matter what your mood is. Austin-based Scarab Entertainment knows this, so they’re cooking up a fun family friendly kart racer for the Wii U and mobile devices (with other platforms TBA) called Hello Kitty Kruisers, set for a Q4 2013 release from publisher Bergsala Lightweight.

Granted, I’m betting the bulk of you fist-pumping, caffeine swigging uber-core gamers are probably cringing from all the bright colors searing your eyeballs and rainbow juice splashing onto your keyboards scaring that mouse you were clicking under your seat. But, hey… I say everyone needs a too cute for words game in their libraries just to break up the monotony of grays, browns, greens and whatever color big explosions are.

Besides, EVERYONE loves Hello Kitty – they just don’t all admit it in public. For those of you immune to the charms of Miss Five Apples Tall (weight, three apples!), you’d better put on those sunglasses now if you dislike bright colors in super shiny HD, folks – things are about to get Kitty up in here: