Random Film of the Week(end): The Baby

Posted on January 19, 2013 by geelw

As far as commercial horror flicks of the 1970’s go they don’t get more disturbing than The Baby, a completely bizarre 1973 gem you have to see to believe. And even after you’ve seen it, you’ll probably want to watch it again just to make sure you weren’t having a really wild nightmare. Granted, the film has a few major flaws, some of which come from the writing and pacing. But chances are you’ll be so thrown off by some of the surreal acting and completely insane scenes that you’ll forgive this one for its faults.

It’ll definitely stick in your head for a while afterward, especially if you don’t see the surprise ending winding up to knock you right off the couch. Anajette Comer plays Ann, a social worker who is given the case of Baby, a 21-year old man kept in diapers and an oversize crib by his overbearing mother played by the gorgeous Ruth Roman (channeling Joan Crawford, Joan Collins and Liz Taylor) and two very pretty, very sexy yet verrrrrry peculiar sisters (Marianna Hill and Susanne Zenor). For sheer squirm in your seat value, the film scores big by tossing assorted mental and physical abuses into your lap and letting you figure out where the hell it’s going before taking a big U-turn into WTF territory… Continue reading →

Random Film of the Week Quickie: From Hell It Came

Posted on January 18, 2013 by geelw

(Thanks, Blazing Trailers!)

Oh, I should have done this one a while back as a RFoTW, but I kept hoping SOME smart cable station would show it again because I haven’t seen it in ages. That hasn’t happened, but there was a DVD release back in 2009 from Warner Bros., meaning you too can snap this up and check it out legally at some point. Sure, this 1957 flick has a hilarious looking tree monster (once you see that Tobanga, you’ll have it stuck in your head for a few days), a plot chock full of wormy holes and you can’t say those natives are anything resembling realistic.

Nevertheless, the film works in it’s own weird way as a sort of remake of Universal’s classic The Mummy, only in a quasi-Polynesian setting with an unstoppable wooden fiend as the monster to be feared. As for actual scares, there are a few here and there and as a kid, I think I laughed a lot at/with it only after I saw the film once or twice and realized it just wasn’t that frightening. Of course, most modern folks will be doubled over laughing at all that’s on display, but I guess it’s better than beating oneself on the head with a real tree branch after one too many hits off a pipe full of funny smelling dried leaves, right?

Anyway, I’m not sure if this flick helped inspire the Swamp Thing or Man-Thing at all, but it’s not hard to see that stiff tree thing being accepted into the Parliament of Trees based on his looks and mythology, getting piss drunk off his wooden ass at the bar there and getting kicked out later for peeing in the bushes. Anyway, someone REALLY on the ball needs to start preserving/restoring these old horror and sci-fi gems so they can be aired on a rotating basis. As in on a REAL horror/sci-fi channel run by genre fans, not a corporation that shoves out the same old crap reruns and lousy made for TV movies that are intentionally awful because they “think” they know what fans want.

If only they knew…

Warm Bodies: Undead, Rise Up And Take Back Your Lives! Er, Wait…

Posted on January 13, 2013 by geelw

Yeah, yeah, it’s based on a reeeeaaaaalllly popular book or whatever and yep, it’s geared to that teen crowd who needs their latest faux horror entertainment fix or whatever. But, bleh. Trailer above, first four minutes below. OK, I’m not THAT much of a cranky jerk – I’m just disappointed at what passes for a decent mainstream horror flick these days. I’ll admit it IS funny, but when I see zombies, I usually see ZERO laughs. Or at least laughs that are dark and completely cringe-worthy because you know it’s funny but you shouldn’t be laughing when you look at the big picture. Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland, anyone?

That said, the original 1968 version of Night of the Living Dead? That’s the gold standard for my old ass (and it should be for yours if you’ve never seen it). If it’s on cable and I’m awake and not watching anything important, I’ll catch that flick again and again because it works on a ton of levels these teen films miss entirely. That goes for today’s “vampire” flicks too, which need a SERIOUS revamping (no pun intended) OK, save for a few minutes and that ending, I liked that Fright Night remake a lot because it was actually funny, had a few good scares and an excellent performance from Colin Farrell (who makes a pretty creepy vampire). Let’s not even talk about the curse of Twilight, as billions of dollars in box office or not, those sparkly things aren’t even close to being a Nosferatu, Blacula or even a Count Yorga (yeah, I went there just to get you Googling)…

Random Film of the Week(end): Mars Attacks!

Posted on January 13, 2013 by geelw

As I’m still in full-on Earth Defense 2017 Portable mode this weekend, I figured I’d take a break and catch a movie while charging my Vita. Amusingly enough, Tim Burton’s underrated 1996 sci-fi black comedy was just starting up on one of the Cinemax channels, so I sat and caught one of my favorite end of the world films of the 90’s. Granted, back when it was released, it seems way too many parents were thinking they’d be getting a second Independence Day to take their kids to, so I remember the theater I saw this at on opening day being packed with parents and children (including some on a class trip). Let’s just say that when that flaming herd of cows came running past the camera before the brilliant main title sequence, about a third of the theater emptied out pretty quickly, leaving most of us true Tim Burton fans to our PG-13 rated treat…

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Side Effects May Include Me Wishing This Was A Different Sort of Movie…

Posted on January 11, 2013 by geelw

OK, it may be a great new flick when all is said and done (that trailer is quite tantalizing, that’s for sure), but as soon as I head the title a few months back, I actually thought Hollywood finally caught up to me and my bright ideas. I’d always imagined something called Side Effects being a David Cronenberg or David Fincher film about some pharmaceuticals gone haywire years after they were tested on people not realizing they were part of some massive and illegal field study. Oh well, my idea is safe as long as I don’t do something REALLY stupid like post it on the internet!

Oh, wait… $#!t. Eh, whatever. Not like anyone is going to do ANYTHING like that anytime soon, right? Oh, wait… $#!t.

Random Film of the Week (Double Feature II): The Mysterians & Destroy All Monsters!

Posted on January 7, 2013 by geelw

Yep, two more films that influenced Japanese developer Sandlot in their creation of the fan favorite Earth Defense Force series. The former flick can be seem as the main jumping off point for the series, as the Japanese title, Chikyu Boueigun literally translates as “Earth Defense Force”, although there aren’t any giant insects to be found here. Those came primarily from yesterday’s double feature. The aliens do happen to have plenty of advanced weaponry and a giant mole-like robot called Mogera to shake things up for a bit. The film was actually the first part of a trilogy of sci-fi flicks with Battle in Outer Space and Gorath making up the other two parts. I haven’t seen either of those two in decades, so I’ll have to track them down one of these days to check out.

As for Destroy All Monsters! (or Kaijū Sōshingeki), it was probably every kid of the 60’s or early 70’s favorite sci-fi flick of the pre Star Wars era thanks to plenty of TV airings at assorted times of the day. Packing in nearly every Toho kaiju monster (it’s more than a simple Godzilla picture, that’s for sure), loads of action and an epic plot, the film is memorable for its wall to wall special effects and not a dull moment from start to finish. I need to dig this one up on DVD one of these days as it’s also been quite a while since I’ve seen it. And yes, it’s part of the inspiration for the name of this little site, but that whole story is a longer and funnier one I’ll get around to telling one of these days. Anyway, go check these films out and prepare to take a step back into some incredible (and campy by today’s standards) sci-fi films that may be ancient, but still pack a punch in terms of being pure nostalgic enjoyment…

Random Film of the Week (Double Feature Edition): THEM! & Tarantula

Posted on January 6, 2013 by geelw

(thanks, Tobar!)

With Earth Defense Force 2017 Portable rolling out on the PlayStation Vita on Tuesday, I figured I’d write up a short column about two of the many “They don’t make ’em like they used to!” sci-fi films that most assuredly influenced Japanese developer Sandlot when they created their cult favorite game series that got its start as a pair of budget PlayStation 2 games (The Simple 2000 Vol. 31: The Chikyuu Boueigun and The Simple 2000 Vol. 81: The Chikyuu Boueigun 2) and a more visually polished Xbox 360 sequel which has been nicely expanded and enhanced for Sony’s portable system. Both flicks are “B” movie classics worth watching if you’ve never seen either previously, with the former film being surprisingly tense and well-acted considering the subject matter and the latter film using some pretty well done matte work to convincing effect in a few scenes.

Yeah, yeah, there’s no fancy CGI here and some implausible moments in both flicks can be eyeball-rolling if you start applying any rules of reality to what you’re viewing. Nevertheless, if you’re in the right mood, you’ll be hooked into both films from the memorable beginnings of each one and stick around to their bitter endings…

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Evil Dead Trailers New & Old Bring The Scares (I Guess I’m Sold!)…

Posted on January 5, 2013 by geelw

I’ll have to admit that the original Evil Dead didn’t freak me out that much because the people who’d seen it and told me it was SO scary had built it up based more on their own fears and tried to project that onto me before I went in for my viewing. I liked the film quite a lot (I actually owned it on VHS, DVD and UMD at one point), but I wasn’t put “under the seat” as promised. That said, it’s just an excellent, scary low budget classic worth watching by anyone who loves the genre or wants to eventually make his or her own horror flicks. The sequel, Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn was nothing but an extended Three Stooges episode with gore effects and I laughed more than cringed throughout that one because I got the joke right away. Other than Bruce Campbell’s performance (he’s still one of the more under-appreciated actors out there, I say) I still don’t like Army of Darkness much, but it’s gotten better with age and I’d gather the more mainstream approach also helped Sam Raimi get more work outside the horror genre. This reboot/remake/whatever actually looks more frightening than the first one because it’s being taken more seriously. I may just go and see it to see if it indeed does put me under the seat, but I still I still think someone needs to remake the 1967 – 1970 horror flick Equinox (a big inspiration for Raimi) as the official prequel to he whole series and get it over with just to complete that particular part of the cycle.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters: When Hollywood Says “You Kids Need Better Books!”

Posted on January 1, 2013 by geelw

Am I the only one whose eyeballs roll way back in his head when these ads or trailers run for these films that mangle the hell out of the classics? Sometimes I wonder who keeps forcing all this stuff upon those gullible types who snap up opening day tickets as if they’re going to see something as memorable as the source material. Bleh.

Of course, I’ll be a totally contradictory nutcase here and say I’d make a “Brothers Grimm: Screenplay Slashers” film with the ghosts of the Bros. stalking and getting rid of studio pests using methods from their many stories. Hmmm.. then again, that’s too close to the Dr. Phibes remakes I’ve been HOPING Tim Burton would get around to doing already. Eh, whatever – I’ll probably catch this flick on cable a few months after it tanks in theaters. If I’m lucky, it’ll be back to back with that Abe Lincoln: Vampire Killer film so I can kill two birds with one stone (and wish for that time back afterwards)…

Texas Chainsaw 3D: Nope, Screaming Won’t Help At All…

Posted on December 30, 2012 by geelw

Hey, maybe… just MAYBE, this will actually be good. But I’m an old, old cranky guy about stuff like this, so I doubt it. The fact that they reference the 1974 original in the trailer and TV spot is a bit irksome to an old fart like me because I know that it’s rare that a horror flick gets a well done remake or sequel. Not impossible, mind you – just rare. All (lousy) puns intended there, by the way. Still, I’ll give this a look without the 3D gimmickry at all once it’s cable bound. Hey kids! A good horror film is maybe 90% mood anyway (or more if it’s made before the late 50’s) and this one seems to be doing a wee bit too much plot jiggering and trying to tie in exactly to Tobe Hooper’s classic (still a fairly relentless viewing experience that’s a lot less bloody than you’d think if you’ve never seen it before). Well, good, bad or otherwise forgettable, if you DO get scared during this reboot… “just keep saying to yourself: It’s only a MOVIE, It’s only a MOVIE, It’s only a MOVIE…”