Hmm. As you can see from the screenshot above, Greenvale’s deadly Red Seeds Killer isn’t exactly handling his axe with respect. This is a bit disappointing for a few reasons, but especially annoying to his future potential victims. ANYONE knows that if you’re going to lose your head (and not from blowing your top, mind you), you certainly don’t want it lopped off with a nasty, dull axe. To avoid future errors (and I do hope you’re reading this post, Mr. Killer), I’ve decided to use the Internet to help you out a bit:
Correct Axe Use
- A tool of the wrong weight or size is dangerous. The axe should be an appropriate type and size (head weight, haft length) for the job and for the user’s body size and skill level
- Warming the axe head before use in very cold weather may prevent blade chips
- Driving the axe into the ground will dull it and chip the bit (sharpened edge) – Use a chopping block
- Avoid glancing blows, overstrikes, and understrikes as these are apt to damage the tool (and the user!)
Proper Axe Storage
- Do not leave an axe laying on the ground
- Keep the axe in a dry place, preferably in a shed where porcupines can’t gnaw the handle
- For the sake of conservation, do not store an axe by driving it into a live tree
- An axe may be stored temporarily by driving it into the chopping block (preferably in such a way that nobody will walk into the handle)
- Keep the head lightly oiled when not in use to prevent rust
- For safety (and to keep the blade sharp!) mask the blade when the axe is not in use
From Suite101: How To Maintain an Axe by Thomas Alan Gray
There, I feel MUCH better. As for YOU dear reader, it’s time to put your How To Get Away From That Killer With The Very Well-Cared For Axe skills to the test in Rising Star Games’ upcoming PlayStation 3 exclusive, Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut. Featuring upgraded HD visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content and more, you’ll hop into the suit and shoes of FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York) as you attempt to solve the messy murder mystery of the aforementioned Red Seeds Killer (and hopefully, his better cared for axe). April 30, 2013 isn’t too far away you know, so I’m recommending a bit of cardio and at LEAST a mile of running a day. And that’s a minimum recommendation, as I’m betting our killer is doing a bit more working out now that I’ve got an eye on how he’s been taking care of his tools.
Granted, Game Director Swery65 SHOULD have been noticing that axe getting dragged about like that would mean it was going to be less effective, but he was going for effect over realism and yes, an axe being dragged on that stone flooring does make for a pretty scary image. Not to mention the nails on a chalkboard sound effect with a few bumps and dings for good measure. Hell, I’d go hide in the closet now, but I’m sitting in the local library typing this, safe from Mr. Killer unless he’s going to beat me to death quietly with an encyclopedia.
Oh, this new trailer for the upcoming WB flick is nice and creepy, but just what is this obsession with revisiting elements from The Ring and other scarier flicks these Hollywood horror directors seem to have? Not that I don’t mind a good horror flick that’s influenced by others from time to time, but here’s another one that gives weird little girls a bad name. And don’t get me started on the whole “inspired by actual events” thing that really means “Oh yeah? PROVE it!” to a super jerk skeptic like myself. 
y of practice gasping and holding your breath when you play 
You’ll also make Game Director and part time eye wear model Swery 65 a VERY happy man. He’ll be able to finally buy those Bootsy Collins sunglasses he’s been eyeballing on eBay or maybe even that cocktail table Ms. Pac-Man he saw at a bar here in the US when he attended this year’s GDC. Of course, he could also buy himself an airplane ticket to come shake the hands of everyone who picked up a copy of this game, but (wait for it…) don’t hold your breath…
And look! York got Sheriff Swery a new hat as well, but at least HE didn’t go pick out the most expensive one in the catalog like stupid George did. Someone ought to teach that guy a lesson like “Be nice to the people you meet on the way up… they’re the SAME people you’re going to meet on the way down…” or something like that. I forgot what he got York, but it’s probably something like an autographed picture or a copy of that game he worked on. Hey, everybody needs a hobby, I say…
Oh yeah, did you know that in addition to some stellar strong coffee and awesome pie (try the apple-pineapple for a REAL treat), the A&G makes a really kick-ass hamburger? All of the ones ON the menu are outstanding, but order the small but absolutely killer Sweryburger (ask for a Number 65) and be prepared to be back for another one when it’s time to think about your dinner plans. The fries are awesome as well – freshly hand cut, thick and tossed in a seasoning mix that makes them oh so yummy.
"DESTROY ALL FANBOYS!" 