Xbox One: $499, Always Connected, HUGE Cloud Focus, New Xbox 360 Model in Stores Now…

Xbox One

Hmmmm… so it’s officially priced (429 Pounds in the UK, 499 Euros in Europe), there’s still NO explanation about the license policies (awful PR there), most of the games look really impressive and if you have no online at home… welp, you need to buy another console. Also, the major focus on Xbox Live GOLD memberships across the board, while not enforced at the press conference, means it’s probably a given that it’s going to be the sole way to go. Well, at least Microsoft Points are now in REAL currency. Finally.

Back in a bit with more…

Humor: Old Goats Butting Heads – Coming to a Theater Near You!

hoo boy...

Hoo boy. Other than the obvious joke “One or both of these movies will be subtitled”… well, I’m at a loss for words here other than wondering how fast both of these will pop up on cable so I can see them back to back and fall off my couch laughing in the comfort of my own home. Hey, those theater floors can be sticky sometimes, you know?

Yeesh. Well, thank Dionysus and The Muses they’re still kicking around and able to collect those paychecks, I suppose…

VGA 101: Xbox One – Making Plug In & Play Obsolete Since Never…

Ah, NeoGAF… what would we do without you? Well, when your fast-typing opinion-driven crowd gets it right, that is. One clever user there named Cheesemeister has put together a fun to pore over little flowchart that, based on all currently available info more or less describes the “simple” act of playing a game on Microsoft’s upcoming Xbox One console.

Well, it’s “simple” if you can meet a few important requirements… enjoy!

Xbox One Flowchart

E3 2013: NMA World Takes On Microsoft & EA

Ouch. This first video is actually from May 30, but leave it to the awesome Taiwanese animators toiling away mercilessly over at NMA to poke some of there incredibly mighty pointed stick in the eye fun at some recent gaming news. The Dragon Age 3: Inquisition video is also a total hoot and even funnier because I’d bet the folks doing the animation have gamers among them who probably wish the game would be as awesomely hilarious as they make it look here.

Off to dig up some lunch now – back in a bit. This stupid storm rolling through here is keeping me from a better connection, so updates will be less than I’d like by a lot today, grrr…

E3 2013: Microsoft, Meet The Real World…

no_dataSo, according to Microsoft, their new Xbox One wonder-box of miracles ABSOLUTELY requires an always online connection, restricts sharing of physical or digital games and does a few other things so terribly wrong for the sake of the “future” that it all means if you live in an area with no, crappy or “borrowed” internet access… you’re screwed.

Actually, you’re not really screwed… you just need to find another console to play your games on. Boo. To paraphrase the original Star Trek’s good Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy: “It’s a console, NOT a cellphone!”

Yeah, well… someone’s going to be in for a big, fat Greek surprise this holiday season and it’s not the consumer who’s decided to move on and spend their money elsewhere. It will be any Microsoft executive expecting a gigantic bonus check for implementing possibly the worst enforced evolution scheme in the relatively brief history of video gaming.  Want to hand a used game down to the kids in another home? Good luck with that. Want to lend someone you recently became acquainted with a game you bought and beat a few days back? Nope – they need to be on your Friends List for at LEAST 30 days. Not 29, 20, 14 or 4, folks. 30 or up. There’s a lot more, but it’s all downhill and garbage gibberish that sounds as if it was randomly generated PR nonsenseContinue reading

White House Down Trailer: Here, Forced Dumb.

Blech… I just completely do not like these new dopey, expensive action flicks that throw presidents into danger. Yeah, yeah, there have been some well-made ones, but this year’s two blockbusters have just gotten my goat out of its pen and knocking its head into a wall. Well, if anything Roland Emmerich certainly knows about blowing the hell out of well-known real estate. That said, Independence Day was entertaining in a “Yeah, you KNOW that’s not going to ever happen” manner and despite the figurative earth-crushing moments where stuff blows up really good, you could at least walk out of the theater and feel somewhat entertained by what you just saw.

Anyway… this Die Hard meets Air Force One meets domestic terror on steroids stuff is really not necessary, but I guess it’ll have a “happy” ending and a lot of people complaining about it either way. Wait, that’s what I’M doing? Crap. Er, “Free Speech!” “Free Speech!” Now, where did I park that TARDIS? I want to go back and pitch this idea to George Washington and see what he thinks…

Fantasia: Music Evolved: Harmonix Has A Hit Here (But I Bet The Real Yen Sid Is Rolling In His Freezer…)

Ho-kay. I’m so behind the times in the modern music thing that I initially thought this was going to be a game featuring that former American Idol winner who fell on hard times (pay your taxes, people!) getting a second chance in a new IP where players got to sing in front of their KINECT-enabled TV’s. Boy was I wrong. Look, I’ll give Harmonix every benefit of the doubt because they’ve made some great and innovative music and dance-themed games for a number of consoles, but this trailer is pretty lousy because it doesn’t say “Disney” to me at all – it says “desperation” for whomever got behind this and forgot all about the original movie and that still impressive classic animation/classical music combination.

Yes, I get the whole argument about tuning in to modern tastes, and YES, poking about for previews has revealed that the game has a few interesting aspects that make it sort of a cross between Child of Eden and some sort of exploration/collection-fest. That said, as a fan of traditional animation and more types of music than the not yet completely revealed track list that’s seemingly made up of later 20th to more current hits, I have to pull the emergency brake and fall onto the heaving bosom of a tutu-clad cartoon hippo for comedic effect. Come on, Harmonix – there’s a great library of classical tunes that deserve being introduced to folks who have no clue what an orchestra is.

Yeah, this will probably do well and make people like me warm up the oven to pop in another frozen crow pie, but no classic Disney magic means… no classic Disney magic, period. Bruno Mars and classic Queen are for listening to when you’re dancing in the shower (watch that soapy floor!) or driving to the mall with the kids (as they’re screaming at you to change the station because Freddie Mercury’s voice freaks them out). I guess this being an exclusive for the Xbox 360 and Xbox One means the chances of a Wii U game that’s closer to the original film (or hell, even Fantasia 2000) in tone. But, whatever – maybe I’m just old fashioned or something…

Halo: Spartan Assault Announce Trailer: Selling Points (Minus Some Common Sense)

Hey, I happen to like twin stick arcade shooters, so I was happy to see that this upcoming game is going to feed that need… provided I (*urgh!*) buy a twin stick-free Windows 8 PC, phone or other device. Which, by the way… is something I have zero intention of doing. Oh well. Still, I’ll give it up for Microsoft, developer Vanguard Entertainment and 343 Industries, who do have the right idea in trying to get fans to get into a portable Halo experience. Still, skipping the Xbox 360’s huge user base and Windows 7 PC’s (but probably not the upcoming Xbox One where it SHOULD be a free pack-in on the HDD to lure in more early adopters) and effectively enforcing an upgrade to play this one isn’t settling in with some folks who’d prefer the entire Halo series ported over at some point sooner than later… Continue reading

Memo to Microsoft: You Can’t Rewrite History By Erasing It…

Call Me IshmaelI was going to save this (or a variation of this) for after Microsoft’s E3 press conference, but I may as well do some (ugh) speculation based on their current mine cart zooming to the cliff full of baskets of freshly laid rotten egg ideas.

Actually, I’ll lay some new-age Nostradumbass foundation here and follow up after the show (or during if I’m able to recover from whatever “major game announcements” they throw into the pot that either make or break their new console as a purchase around these parts.

Anyway, for some insane reason, Microsoft keeps wanting to ignore, avoid or otherwise stamp out its gaming history in favor of shipping out a new console that does even more to be less of a gaming system and more of a cable box with a gaming “service” added in, an always connected all-seeing eye that some are already seeing as having serious privacy rights issues and what’s looking like a near complete focus on North American entertainment tastes, well… sure, go right on ahead. I still have three working Xboxes, two dead Xbox 360’s (and when your first console is better made than your second… that’s a bit of an issue) and a nice chunk of physical media to fall back on.

Sure, you’ll get sales from those who want to buy into your service plans and monetization schemes, but but at what REAL cost at the end of the day? You can indeed keep those shareholders and non-gaming investors and overpaid analysts happy all you want, but torching the forest and salting the ground behind you means no one will remember that Microsoft once (at least outside the U.S. of A.) was KEY is helping create a more important part of game history at one point in the faraway past.

That would be the MSX and its variants and not the Xbox, by the way.

More sane over-thought processing to come during or after E3…

DESTINY “The Law of the Jungle” Trailer: Bungie’s Jumping Into This Action/MMO Both Feet First…

Well, all in is all good and well if you’re a Bungie fan and yes indeed, this live action and CG trailer looks absolutely gorgeous. However, my only caveat is this is exactly the type of game I’m not interested in as it has no offline single player mode and seems to be a fancier version of a AAA shooter and MMO hybrid. Yes, it will sell incredibly well, but I’m more concerned about longevity and what happens when people burn through content too quickly or grow tired of this sci-fi shooter sub-genre. Granted, it’s going to be a few years before that happens, but I’m glad as hell I don’t have to be the one putting all my eggs into one basket and dropping it into a pack of internet wolves hoping it’ll keep them happy. I’ll keep an eyeball on this one anyway, as anything Bungie does seems to turn out really interesting when all is said and done…