Random Film of the Week: Private Lessons

Posted on January 20, 2014 by geelw

Hollywood just did not know what to do with Sylvia Kristel. By the time the Dutch actress made it to America a few years after becoming a worldwide star (well, everywhere except here in the US) from her appearance in and as Emmanuelle and two sequels, she ended up working in a few American movies that ranged from passable to flat out wretched. 1981’s Private Lessons is one of those flat out wretched ones, a “sex comedy” that’s not erotic or amusing at all, but pretty unsettling and when seen in light of modern views of its subject matter, just plain wrong.

Of course, I have to confess that I saw this way back when it was released with some like-minded friends and we though it was going to be the thrill of the late summer only to end up crawling out of the theater in need of a shower and a Men In Black style memory wipe. There’s just a layer of head-shaking offensiveness here that only those with low to no morals would find “thrilling” or even remotely “sexy”. Then again, I don’t want to make poke at someone’s particular proclivities ’til they pop. If this dreck does it for your own tastes, more power to you then. On the other hand, given that real people have gone to real jails for doing what happens here in real life, that fine line between movie fantasy and stark reality is stomped on and wiped away long before this trash-fest is over…

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Bundle Stars’ New Math Gets You Too Much For Too Little (Again!)…

Posted on January 20, 2014 by geelw

These charity game bundles are driving me nuts, but it’s all good. Paying a mere three dollars for all these games is a super steal (if bought individually elsewhere you’d pay $65) , but as always the drawback is finding time to PLAY them. My own newly adjusted backlog of completing all the games I’ve paid so little for from Steam, gog.com, Desura, Indie Gala, Humble Indie Bundle and yes, Bundle Stars is currently hovering somewhere around 2015, but that doesn’t include other games, movies and important stuff like breathing, so methinks I’ll need to re-crunch those numbers at some point soon.

Anyway, the latest BS deal (The Kingdoms Bundle) is no BS at all, offering you 95% off of six games with four of those six being deep historical and military simulations and the other pair a fantasy action/RPG hybrid and a streamlined yet complex space strategy game. Not everyone’s cup of tea, I’ll admit. But for those with the time and patience or those who want to try something different, these come recommended.

300: Rise of an Empire TV Spot #1/Trailer #3: It’s Like Black Friday… With Swords and Shields!

Posted on January 20, 2014 by geelw

See men run. Run, men run. *Chop! *Stab!* *Splash!*… Ouch. Stupid men! Next time. I’ll stay off the battlefield when coming up with a post (Ouch!) Yeah, this slow-mo comic panel stuff has been done to death since the first film made it a wee bit too commonplace, but Warner Bros. is hoping those folks who dug the first film to death will do the same plus tax with this follow up. Given the fate of that poor Hercules film that just came out and got Julius Caesar-ed by critics and some moviegoers, this one better do a mighty great job of making people forget about all those pretenders to the throne.

If the film succeeds, it’s that header above in terms of people storming theaters to check it out. If it tanks, the screams will only be on screen in theaters playing to half-empty houses (or worse) and somewhere in WB headquarters that the film hasn’t even made its projected targets. As usual (repeat after me, class)… we shall see. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to find a medic. And a few missing body parts. Ouch!

It’s A Dog’s Life: All Bark and No Bite (With Wheels, Yet!)…

Posted on January 20, 2014 by geelw

So, I’m walking home last week from the library and about a block from my place, I hear what sounds like a small commotion and a bark followed by the sound of a supermarket shopping cart rolling towards where I’m about to stroll. I stop and take a step back figuring it’s one of the delivery guys from the nearby grocery store running into some dog trouble and the last thing yours truly needs to do is get plowed over by some guy with a big metal cart who may or may not be outrunning a pissed-off pooch.

As I stood there out of harm’s way (I hoped), the rolling cart sound gets closer and closer until it slows down and I see the cart slowly come into view from my right… with a pit bull sitting in it looking as if it’s smiling. What. The. What? As my brain is filing this bizarre scene under “Now I’ve Seen It All”, the cart comes to a stop about a foot from the big green relay mailbox on the corner. I look at the dog, who looks at me, then behind it. From my right I hear “Come on man, one more, one more!” as two young guys step into view.

Yeah, it was time to get nosy… Continue reading →

Random Film of the Week(end): Death By Invitation

Posted on January 19, 2014 by geelw

(Thanks, Vinegar Syndrome Films!)

I’ve sat through no fewer than four films featuring witches and demons as a central theme over the past week and not all of them were good times, no siree, ma’am. Granted, 1971’s slow-moving sort of creepy Death By Invitation isn’t the best of the bunch and for modern horror fans with short attention spans or those looking for non-stop scares and CG blood gushing everywhere (blech!) this one may be Death By A Thousand Cuts.

That said, while it’s going to be more bore than gore to the younger ADD set, those who like slow-burning slightly cryptic fires should check this one out if only for Shelby Leverington, the sassy young thing playing the lead. Director David Friedman drags out this revenge tale that may only interest those who appreciate thinking a bit as they watch a film that pretty much sets up its entire plot during the opening moments and slowly gets to the point as it crawls along to the finish line…

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Random Film of the Week(end): It Should Happen To You!

Posted on January 19, 2014 by geelw

(Thanks, KaninFamily!)

The lovely Judy Holliday soars as a sort of ditzy but shrewd former girdle model who ends up becoming an instant celebrity thanks to a few simple billboards with her name on them George Cukor’s 1954 gem that shows off some fantastic looks at the New York City of the era. This film is also famous for being the movie debut of Jack Lemmon and here, he’s perfectly cast as Pete Sheppard, a documentary maker who shoots Holliday’s Gladys Glover in Central Park and of course, falls in love with her after some amusing assorted ups and down.

There are plenty of laughs in this classic to spare, many at Gladys’ expense as her sudden celebrity goes other head and she thinks her new found fame means all that attention is positive. While some elements are dated, the film does a very good job at foreshadowing today’s fame-crazy celebrities who do a heck of a lot more than simply toss their names up on a billboard to get attention…

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VOD Review: Hide and Seek

Posted on January 19, 2014 by geelw

Jung Huh’s excellent, unsettling thriller Hide and Seek (available now on VOD) is a solid and very well made first film that offers up some surprising twists and turns that sweep the film into a few genres during its tidy 107 minute running time. At first, it seems as if it’s just one more Asian horror flick with an urban legend come to life, an opening murder that seems to go unresolved and some strange hallucinatory moments that will give easily frightened viewers a nice case of the chills. But as the film progresses, things take a turn into the unexpected action thriller genre that may disappoint those looking for another Ring or Grudge-like clone. On the other hand, Huh’s assured direction keeps you on the edge of your seat as the film whips your expectations about on its wild ride to the finish…

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Random Film of the Week(end): North By Northwest

Posted on January 18, 2014 by geelw

(Thanks, moviegoof!)

One of my favorite “perfect” films, North by Northwest is one of those films that stands the test of time thanks to everyone involved being at the top of their game and throwing themselves fully into their work. Everything clicks from the moment Bernard Herrmann’s famous score kicks off into that Saul Bass-designed title sequence (note the booming drums that out-roar Leo, the MGM lion) until the final nod and a wink sex joke the adults will snicker or laugh out loud over (while the kids wonder what they’re snickering or laughing or loud about about) closes things out. I’ve seen this countless times since the 80’s and it’s always entertained me to no end.

This is probably the best “wrong man” film made (yes, it’s even better than The Wrong Man) because it combines dramatic, comedic and action elements in Hitchcock’s inimitable style. Sure, there are some plot holes and silly stuff that don’t hold up to too much scrutiny if you’re the overly picky sort. But if this film doesn’t have you cracking a smile or hanging out near the edge of your seat by the time it’s through, you’re either too jaded or watch films with one or both eyes shut…

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BUY THIS GAME! Unepic Sneaks Onto Nintendo eShop

Posted on January 18, 2014 by geelw

Hey, you beleaguered Nintendo Wii U owners starved for original content, take heart. The indies are coming! The indies are coming! Sure, it’s been edited for content (gone are the profanity and more “adult” references), but Unepic is a wonderful and funny blend of old-school “Metroidvania” style action/RPG gameplay, a very funny story chock full of in-jokes and classic gaming references, and yes indeed, plenty of replay value. New exclusive to Wii U features and some great voice acting are all aboard and even if you have the PC version, this comes very highly recommended. And below (*ahem*), aquí tenéis el trailer oficial en castellano de Unepic para Wii U. Um, so buy it already! Ten years of Spanish waaaay back in school and a bunch of Spanish friends from all over the place and I’ve never used it (*sigh*). So I may as well pretend I can get by. Whee!

Random Film of the Week: THE DARK

Posted on January 17, 2014 by geelw

(Thanks, AussieRoadshow!)

John “Bud” Cardos’ one hundred and ten percent wretched sci-fi horror flick The Dark is one of the best reasons for better movie theater security guards and well-caffeinated ticket booth clerks. I paid to see this R-rated waste of time when I was 15 and it was four bucks I still want back. This is one of those “so bad it’s worse” “cult” films that boggles the mind as to not only how it got made, but how it got into theaters. And this is coming from someone who loves crappy movies to death.

Allegedly, Tobe Hooper was in on this mess as the initial director before being replaced by Cardos, but I’d gather he split or was canned because whatever script was presented to him scared him off. Or he was merely killing time before *not* directing Poltergeist a few years later (*ziiiing!*). This won’t be a long and loving look back at this dopey flick, so don’t get too comfortable. In every way possible, this film reeks of people showing up to work just to collect whatever paycheck was promised them (and probably some drugs as well), and that’s a shame…

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