In general, people in the U.S. just don’t get enough sleep. Whether it’s due to overwork, too much TV/computer time or doing too many things at night other than sleeping, it’s a national epidemic that can be the root cause of a few bigger problems. As you can see above, York stepping in to Greenvale’s police station SHOULD have that guy at the desk alert and facing the opposite direction. But he didn’t get enough sleep last night and doesn’t drink that strong coffee the A&G Diner sells at all so he’s a bit lax in his attitude. Before you ask, they don’t sell that multi-hour energy drink crap in town because it’s been banned (it makes hooded killers do their job a wee bit too efficiently, I’ve heard). Anyway, if York were a hooded killer, this poor sap would be on the floor with his face missing within a few seconds. But he’s only a detective on the prowl, so Officer Sleepy here will just get a damn good scare (and maybe wet his pants a little) and maybe a stern talking to he won’t soon forget.

Of course, you’ll probably be joining him soon enough if you’ve pre-ordered or plan to pick up Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Those updated HD visuals, quirky humor, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content, Trophies and more will keep you up so late (and yes, half-scared out of your wits) that you’ll need to call in dead to work the next day. Or show up and pay the consequences. Just don’t be that one guy who doesn’t get enough rest and pops in to work at the VERY moment that heavy bottle of water in the water cooler needs changing. You ever drop one of those things on your foot in front of that cute secretary you’ve been secretly ogling? It’s not a good thing when that happens, folks.

I haven’t had the chance to ask him yet, but I’d bet a whole dollar that Game Director Swery65 (arriving a bit tired-looking at GDC 2013) has NEVER had an embarrassing incident like this happen to him. Of course, he’s seemingly always on a plane headed somewhere or working on something you’ll probably want to be playing at some point in the future, but I’ll have to remember not to forget to ask him about this one of these days…

It’s good to get out and get some fresh air in sunny Greenvale, but probably not in the very good (and reasonably priced) suit like York here is wearing in today’s screenshot. Granted, the man has his own style and a certain rugged flair that comes from being kind of crazy, but one has to hope he’s got a very good deodorant protecting him under those clothes. Anyway, there are many places to run to in and around the town, but you kind of need to pay attention to the clock you see in that picture. Why? Well, there’s nothing worse than missing the opportunity to pick up a clue, run into someone needing a bit of assistance only you can provide or even better, making headway in solving a particularly nasty set of murders because Greenvale actually needs as many people in town as possible who are kind of alive. I hear that tourists don’t visit a small town just to stumble across mutilated corpses… unless they actually LIKE stuff like that.

Anyway, enjoy that run and don’t forget to hydrate!

Speaking of running, if you don’t pre-order a copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut for the PS3 (set to arrive in stores on April 30, 2013), you may find yourself emulating York and running to that game emporium only to find that they’ve completely run out of copies. Which in turn forces you to pull more York-like running all over YOUR town looking for the game. Of course, what with you not running all winter and storing up all that extra fat, you’ll be out of shape and pull a hammy while you’re huffing and puffing it around.

So, before you do anything else (well, as you’re reading this post, actually) ask yourself (or the snarky voice in your head): do you REALLY want to miss out on those updated HD visuals, quirky humor, plenty of gore, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content, Trophies and more?  Besides, you can even carry your copy around with you everywhere, as you may one fine day run into Swery65, who just might sign it for you and really make your day. Well, it COULD happen if you’re REALLY lucky… you never know, right?

So, it’s Monday in Greenvale and here’s Emily Wyatt, still waiting patiently from last week. Uh oh. She doesn’t look very happy at all for a few important reasons. One: you’re late. Never keep a lady waiting, PERIOD. Especially on a Monday. Two: you forgot to being her a hot cup of coffee after keeping her waiting. I mean, you came from the A&G Diner, right? ALWAYS buy a lady you’ve kept waiting a hot cup of coffee. Three, her hand still hurts from that punch she threw at you on Saturday night. YOU may have forgotten all about that incident, but she didn’t. And even if she did, her hand would still hurt. Anyway, your moral for today is the following. Never keep a lady waiting, always buy her a hot cup off coffee if you do keep her waiting and ABSOLUTELY do not mention what happened on the weekend at any point. Unless she brings it up, whereupon you’re to shift nervously in your seat and mumble an apology (which should probably e a sincere one).  Emily might not be in the best of moods today, but she’s a good kid and can forgive one or two mistakes like that.

Just don’t let it happen again. In fact, you can probably be a bit more proactive in the future if you simply pre-order and play Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, exclusively for the PS3 and landing in stores on April 30, 2013. Groove on the improved visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content, Trophies and more and if you play your cards right, you’ll be able to have a better Monday at some point down the road. You may even get a nod, a smile and a sunny “Hi!” from Emily, but remember, that doesn’t mean she’s anything but a professional.

If you’re still desperate, Dr. Swery’s radio advice show may still be on the air. Hmmmm. If I recall correctly, it used to run from midnight to 7AM daily on that radio station you get in the hotel better than anywhere else in Greenvale, but I haven’t heard a thing since those strange killings started. I hope he’s alright, as that was a really good program. Hmmm… now that you mention it, there’s been a few other odd things going on since he’s been gone. I sure hope he’s OK. Maybe I should call up a detective or something? Oh, wait – there’s one in town, I hear. Now where the hell was he? Probably working a big case or something…

(to be continued…)

“Hey, Not so loud!”, you sputter out
It’s been a long, long night.
You spent a good part drinking too much
(I think there was a fight.)

That Swery65 Bar, it’s quite the raucous place
Where too much booze and cheek pinching
got you punched in the face.

It was quite the sight to see you rise
when some blow sent you flying
You sailed into the ladies room
and thought that you were dying!

From what I heard after you left
it was the first time ever
They had toss a tourist out (using that hidden lever!)

So up you rise, your head throbbing
But hey, man – you’re alive
I’d say a decent hot breakfast
is the best way to survive

So put a pair of fresh pants on
(well, after a nice shower)
And tilt yourself on down the street
where you can regain some power.

The A&G Diner is the place you want to be
The food’s good and cheap, the wait staff’s great
And they make damn good coffee!

Well, OK… your first weekend in Greenvale wasn’t a total bust (other than the fat lip you now temporarily own), as now the locals know who you are and know you can sort of hold your liquor (to a point). Still, watch it after that fifth drink, buddy. The ladies don’t like you sizing them up, especially with a killer on the loose and you the new guy in town (suspicious and grabby? Yeah, that’s a good way to get KO’ed). Anyway, after breakfast (don’t forget to tip your waitress!), you may want to relax the rest of the day. You know, keep a low profile and all?

My suggestion: Get a copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming April 30, 2013 exclusively to the PlayStation 3. Even if you’ve never played the Xbox 360 version, the improved visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content, Trophies and more will have you staying indoors for long enough that the residents will forget all about your transgressions (well, until NEXT weekend when you’re back at that bar). Remember, not only is Sheriff Swery watching your every move, he actually EXPECTS you to behave while you’re in his town. Yeah, he owns the bar too, and the diner and everything else, but he likes that cowboy hat the best, I hear…