Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag Trailer: Captain Morgan vs Cap’n Crunch Time…

Posted on March 2, 2013 by geelw

Man, these “leaks” are getting worse, but this video may not be up long. So I’m posting it now for posterity’s sake (if Ubisoft kills it on YouTube, I’ll replace it with an official one in a new post). Well, Ubisoft sure knows how to rock the boat, as this upcoming installment seems to have nothing to do with the last (shocking!) and makes you realize that those naval combat sections in Assassin’s Creed III were only the tip of the iceberg. Yes, I know a LOT of nautically themed puns, ladies and gents, but I’m sparing you all because I want to keep at least PART of my readership.

Retro City Rampage on PC and WiiWare Is Full of Surprises (Well, One More Awesome Surprise)…

Posted on February 28, 2013 by geelw

Not content with a simple port of an already hilarious game, creator Brian Provinciano decided to take it to the next level (or more precisely, back to the roots) by cooking up an “8-bit” version of the game for the WiiWare and PC releases (out now!). Even if you’re terminally rusty at games, if you’ve a brain with a dusty old file cabinet filled with memories of 80’s and 90’s pop culture references, Retro City Rampage is fun and funny enough to get you cracking up within a few seconds of playing it. Anyway, some neck exercises for you to practice, as you look a bit tired and you don’t want to have to pay for that Lifestyle Lift (at least for a few MORE years,right?): Look up and click! Look down and click! Repeat as required until you figure out you need a Wii or PC to get the game (or a PS3, Vita or Xbox 360)…

Sniper Elite Nazi Zombie Army Out Now On Steam – Gore Patrol On Duty!

Posted on February 28, 2013 by geelw

So… how, pray tell do we go from happy-happy cartoon ponies to blowing holes in zombies just like that? Easy- you pretend you’re riding a bus, just move along and enjoy what’s outside the window. Which in this case would be that final teaser trailer and the even MORE naughty official launch trailer (both very NSFW, by the way- you’ve been warned!) and maybe even you picking up this standalone co-op focused expansion from Steam at some point. Yeah, you know you want to… and you’ll probably fool everyone by storing the game on that My Little Pony Friendship is Magic X MIMOBOT USB drive you just purchased. Shhhh… I won’t tell a soul. Maybe…

Sniper Elite Nazi Zombie Army Teasers 2 & 3: We Did It! (or Did We?)…

Posted on February 27, 2013 by geelw

*whipcrack!* See what happens when fans put their collective feet down? Rebellion drops two more Sniper Elite Nazi Zombie Army teasers in one day instead of keeping us all in suspense as they drip them out when they feel like it. VICTORY for the internets! Champagne for everybody! Wheeee!! We won!!! *whipcrack!!*

Wait, what’s that? The game comes out tomorrow? They had this all planned anyway? Oh crap… Well, there goes my champagne allowance for next month. Damn internet moves fast when there’s free booze…

Remember Me Release Date Trailer: That We Shall, Nilin, That We Shall…

Posted on February 27, 2013 by geelw

Dontnod’s action/adventure game now has a release date: June 4, 2013. and Capcom certainly has a new IP work checking out. Welcome to Neo-Paris (which is going to be a pretty but not-so nice place, as sticking the word “Neo” in front of a city also spells “futuristic dystopian nightmare” or something like that) – hope you’ve got some comfortable running shoes and a good antiperspirant (no French bathing jokes, please! I’ve been there and people seem to be reasonably clean) – you’re going to be doing a LOT of rooftop running and jumping in and out of trouble…

99 Levels to Hell Trailer: Every Day, and With a Cup of Coffee in My Hand…

Posted on February 26, 2013 by geelw

Hey, now! That’s EXACTLY what I USED to say when I woke up most mornings, but thanks to gog.com, I need to change my favorite saying to something else. Gee, thanks guys! It took long enough to think it up (something like 666 levels!), but oh well. Anyway, the game looks pretty cool and yeah, I do wonder that happens after that 99th level? Elvis? The Pope? A Diet Kook factory? Hmmm… maybe I should drop a few bucks on this and find the hell out? Well, once I get this pile of other work done, I most likely will take a trip to hell. As seen in the trailer, it’s got shops and casinos, so it can’t be ALL bad, right? Hmmm…

Sniper Elite Nazi Zombie Army Teaser: A Little Atmosphere Before You’re Out of Air…

Posted on February 26, 2013 by geelw

Oh, Rebellion… you sneaky, sneaky little baw-stawds. Tease and tempt us with these bits and pieces of nice-looking in-engine footage while hiding the hordes of scary undead Nazi scum you want us to ventilate before they take over that war-torn Berlin. Too short, guys, TOO short. Ah well, PC gamers get this on the 28th, so I’m sure many will be pleased and playing half under a blanket. That said, I do want this to come to consoles at some point as either a stand alone game or on a disc (preferably with the original Sniper Elite V2 as a bonus at a nice price point). As always, we shall see…

MUD FIM Motocross World Championship Slides Into Stores (It’s Time to Get Dirty!)

Posted on February 26, 2013 by geelw

To wit: Are you ready for plenty of hardcore up in the air and down in the dirt action as you whip it around the track? Well, Namco Bandai Games has done the deed and gotten Milestone’s moto racer into retail and digital on the PS3, Vita, Xbox 360 and PC in North and Latin America, so give it a shot and if it feels right, do it all night. Er, just watch out for blisters on those sensitive thumbs of yours. Hmmm… it’s a good thing I don’t do this site in any foreign languages or Braille, as I’d imaging having a hell of a time explaining half the stuff I write. Hey, it’s not as if I try to offend anyone here – it’s just that I’m good at it (everyone needs a hobby, right?). Er, anyway, if you DO decide to grab this and slide around for a bit in front of your TV or monitor, below are a few helpful tips from pro rider Ryan Villopoto for you to take into consideration. Of course, you can go in cold to this arcade/sim racer, but I’ll bet you could use a little guidance every so often. Five impossible things before breakfast and all that, you know…

Review: Driftmoon

Posted on February 26, 2013 by geelw

Platform: PC

Developer: Instant Kingdom (Ville/Anne Mönkkönen)

Publisher: Instant Kingdom

# of Players: 1

ESRB Rating: N/A

Official Site

Score: A (95%)

Do you own a decent cap or hat, dear reader? If you do, go get it now, put it on and tip that cap or hat in the general direction of Finland (Jyväskylä, to be a bit more precise). If you don’t have a good cap or hat, what’s wrong with you? It’s cold outside! Anyway, what’s with all the polite haberdashery tilting? Well, dear reader, it’s a hats off to Ville and Anne Mönkkönen for the seven years of work that went into one of the best games of this year. Driftmoon is an instant classic you’ll want to dive into and explore at your own pace just to experience great game design in action. Solid writing, great visuals and the excellent hybrid adventure/RPG/puzzle gameplay make a visit to Driftmoon well worth the price. As great as the game is, the included easy to use editor gives this one endless possibilities for users to craft their own potential classics…

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Hey Lukewarm Games! You’re Lucky I Like Dinosaurs…

Posted on February 23, 2013 by geelw

As I noted last week, this whole Harlem Shake thing is SO played out, but toss in a couple of dinosaurs and I get all “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in…” about this dopey fad. Well, it works with THESE dinosaurs. Hell, if it were Barney or any other purple dinosaur out there, I’d be beating my laptop with a baseball bat and suing someone so I can buy a new one. Anyway, OK – I laughed… but this is the last time I’m going to watch one of these videos. Maybe…

Hey, Lukewarm! Maybe think a tiny bit about getting your nifty-looking multiplayer-centric game Primal Carnage onto consoles and the Vita with a solo play campaign so I can finally play this game. It looks like a ton of fun, but I don’t do online gaming much (crap connection and I prefer games with stories to keep me interested more than running around shooting stuff)…