Need For Speed Trailer: Put it in “Park”, Pinkman…

Posted on September 25, 2013 by geelw

Oh, this is going to hurt, but here goes. We really do NOT need… a Need for Speed movie. Seriously. Aaron Paul may be a hot star thanks to Breaking Bad, but this soon to tank out effects-filled gasser isn’t going to gain him any fans unless they’re too young to watch him as Jesse but right in the clutches of this upcoming car flick. Not that it’s supposed to be a big thing to see an actor come off such a huge TV show ride as BB and make the leap to Oscar bait right away, mind you. I predict this will do well on opening weekend if there’s no Fast and the Furious flick rolling out at the same time, but anyone lining up looking for character depth may as well play Need for Speed: The Run, which was EA’s attempt at making a racing game play like a movie… and it didn’t work all that well despite the best of intentions. I’d laugh if there were a game tie-in on a console (I can definitely see a cheap app popping up, though) at some point next year. We gamers don’t have THAT short a memory (well, I sure don’t)…

Oh well, I’ll shut up now with my predictions and let this one find its level. If it’s in YOUR wheelhouse, enjoy the show. Me, I’ll hold out for the cable premiere and kick myself later if I was incorrect in my forecasting…

Earth Defense Force 2025 US Cover Art Revealed: The Gang’s All Here (Almost)!

Posted on September 25, 2013 by geelw

Nice. While the game’s Japanese cover art was a relatively simple shot of multiple motherships converging on an about to be invaded Earth, the North American art features all four playable classes and some of the many enemies you’ll face off with in this BIG bug and ‘bot blast fest. I loved that they used in-game character models and not a standard painting, although the import version DID ship with one of two reversible cover images done in a cool manga style. I’ll put in a quick Q to D3PoA’s PR and see if we’ll be blessed with that alternate art choice, but even if we don’t get them, this one’s a fine looking bit of art that will make those non-EDF playing pals of yours automatically ask what’s up with that cast of armored guys and gal and that upside down spider that’s making them nervous. Five new screenshots are below:

EDF 2025 ships out in February 2014. Back with more as info rolls in – stay tuned.

Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet Frankenstein Trailer: Kids Deserve A Better Monster Flick, I Say…

Posted on September 24, 2013 by geelw

“It’s alive… it’s aliiiive!!”

I almost lost it earlier because I saw this in my inbox and thought it was a live-action and CG flick like those other modern films featuring The Chipmunks. Fortunately, it’s only a cartoon, but that doesn’t forgive Universal Studios for this one completely. Look, Frankenstein’s monster has been through animated hell enough already, so you’re not winning any friends among us crankier fans of your classic creations, people. Oh well, I guess it’s “better” than another Scooby Doo rehash (“Zoinks!”) or worse, some indie director trying to make a modern take on the classic book that misses the mark or cheap scares, core effects and a few nude scenes. *Yawn*… Well, this one’s another one I won’t be seeing unless it creeps up on cable and I happen to flip by as it’s beginning. Unless… this is actually an OLDER film and I got suckered by Universal into running it, as their YouTube channel has been running a LOT of trailers for a number of movies from their library recently… if so, oops!

Dracula 3D Trailer: If This One Sucks, The Punsters Won’t Have Far to Look For Work…

Posted on September 24, 2013 by geelw

(thanks, CineFix!)

Hmmm… has adding the term “3D” to ANY film actually made it better? I can say a hearty “nope” and be smugly satisfied with that, but I know some of you will note that animated films get away with this all the time. OK, you may win on that technicality, so let’s narrow it down a wee bit: Has adding the term “3D” to any HORROR film actually made it better? Or are you just sitting there watching stuff fly at your face while wearing silly glasses and not really being scared? I thought so. Okay, maybe that gimmick DOES work in a few flicks, but Dracula shouldn’t be one of them. Oh well, I still think Asia Argento probably deserves much better work these days that being stuck in the upteenth reworking of Bram Stoker’s classic vampire tale, but I’ll hold off putting a stake through this one until I see it for myself… on cable.

TGS 2013: Ah, So… THAT’S What a Lily Bergamo Is… Maybe.

Posted on September 23, 2013 by geelw

Well, OK… I still don’t know what this is other than the first PlayStation 4 game coming from Grasshopper Manufacture and Suda 51 for GungHo Online Entertainment. That one-two punch, by the way, means you’ll be getting a truly wild experience that has to be played to be believed. I think this is only the third game they’ve done with a sole female lead (if you count Sine Mora), so there’s another interesting thing to consider (at least if you’re like me). According to Gematsu, Lily Bergamo is an online action game meant to be played with smartphones and the PS4, but if that is indeed the case, I need to get someone over at GungHo and grasshopper to realize that the VITA needs to be in that mix somewhere, as it’s quite silly to skip something so obvious that even someone as dumb as me has figured out from early on (that the Vita needs MORE cool games like this!). And oh yeah, that gal in the teaser isn’t named Lily or Bergamo. She’s called Tae Ioroi, meaning now I’m all confused again about just what the heck this game is all about (and why it’s not coming to the obvious Vita or slightly less obvious upcoming Vita TV “console”). Eh, it’s still quite early in development and yep, things will change for better or worse (or somewhere in between as a happy middle ground)…

Adventure Time: Explore the Dungeon Because I DON’T KNOW! Hands-On: Knowing Is Half the Battle (But You Still Need To Fight!)

Posted on September 23, 2013 by geelw

FACT: D3Publisher of America’s new publicist, Edith Yang is a total hoot, sitting there cheerily playing and promoting Adventure Time: Explore the Dungeon Because I DON’T KNOW! clearly knowing it’s got “Sleeper Hit” stamped on it in big red invisible neon ink letters. I have special glasses, so I can see that on the big banner off to one side with the game logo on it. I say nothing about these glasses as I’m not wearing any and don’t want to sound completely insane by stating the opposite. But I digress…

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Earth Defense Force 2025 Hands-On: Bug Blasting 101, On a Few Cool Fronts…

Posted on September 23, 2013 by geelw

D3Publisher of America rolled into NYC last week with its small but awesome holiday games lineup and of course, as Earth Defense Force 2025 was going to be there, I had to make sure I got some quality time with the in-progress US localization. I’ve been playing the Japanese PS3 version since mid-July and had some time with the Xbox 360 import thanks to a friend who owns a Japanese 360, so I was more than ready to hop into the US version with relish.

D3PoA had a 360 set up for split-screen co-op play complete with English menus and plenty of enthusiastic voice acting fans of the series will crack plenty of smiles over. The game also has wide appeal outside that dedicated niche thanks to its addictive pick up and play simplicity, five difficulty levels, some amazingly tough missions that range in length and plenty of visual upgrades from earlier games in the series.

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Escape Plan TV Spot #1: No Movie For Old Men… Uh, Oh… Too Late!

Posted on September 23, 2013 by geelw

Or “I’m Getting Too Old For This $#!t!”. Or “Stop, Or My Hip Will Go Out!”. or “Aged Whine and Cheese”… and so forth and so on (I thought up about fifteen other titles). Yeesh, I don’t know who the target audience for this is other than those in on the joke or delusional people close to my age who still think these two aging granite-faced coots are going to be doing stunt work they’ve never done previously AND making a decent movie chewing up the same scenery together. Then again… I bet no one is seeing this for the “acting”, right? RIGHT?!

Yeah, I thought so…

Hmmm. If it were a flick packed with more former action heroes around the same age in that space prison trying to get out, mayyyyyyyyybe it would be good for a chuckle. On the other hand… that’s probably the plot of The Expendables 7, coming to a theater near you in oh, about three years (or two, if it’s straight to video, no chaser)…

Humor: Oh, I Have Bad Dreams Every Now and Then…

Posted on September 22, 2013 by geelw

(thanks, awesomelybadcrap!)

Well, “bad” being relative. OK, it had Twiki from that awful as hell Buck Rogers in the 25th Century show from the 80’s (and by “awful”, I mean I watched it every freakin’ week hoping to hell it would get better). I stuck around for the effects and hated the acting, cheap costumes and most of all that cross between R2-D2 and Tattoo from Fantasy Island, Twiki. Despite (or because) of the late Mel Blanc voicing the robot as if he was a Borscht Belt Looney Tunes character, that tacky as hell gold paint job and the fact that for some reason, he got a love interest (what, there was an affirmative action program for little people on TV shows back then?). Anyway, I guess it wasn’t that bad a dream as I didn’t drop dead in my sleep…

That only happens if I dream of Jason of Star Command:

(thanks, AgentX35!)

Yaaaaaaah!!!

Yep, Werner Herzog Will ALWAYS Be A Better Loser Than You…

Posted on September 22, 2013 by geelw

(thanks, Acheronitapie!)

The next time you lose a bet for a small or large amount of coin, just pay up and be glad you don’t have to cook as eat your damn shoe like Werner Herzog did back in 1980. Yes, it’s a REAL shoe as you’ll soon see. I was going to do this one as a Random Film of the Week, but as it’s only about 21 or so minutes long, it works better as today’s life lesson. Lose gracefully and if you’re going to cook a shoe, make sure you wash it a few times and maybe boil it afterward BEFORE you stuff and stew it for a mere five hours. I’ve respected the man ever since and that respect even bought him a pass for the great and truly bizarre Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call – New Orleans which isn’t a “bad” film once you get in on the fun bits and stop holding the original up on that pedestal.