THE CAR | "DESTROY ALL FANBOYS!"

OK, since the great burnout I had from this show a while ago, I haven’t watched an entire episode of The Simpsons in a few years. However, I’ve always made time to catch a bunch of the Treehouse of Horror shows over the years just to see haw far they go on that one night the Fox censors get tossed in the closet (or sent a bit further back than they usually get thrown). This year’s show is a must watch just for these awesome Del Toro-designed and directed titles, but now that I’ve seen them, it probably means I’ll be disappointed by the show that won’t live up to the eyeball riot on display above. I was playing “pick out the references” and yes, even got (and LOVED) Maggie driving THE CAR from that goofy 1977 film. From what I’ve read on a few fan sites, Del Toro has a custom built replica of that rolling purple/black bathtub, which also cracks me up as I’d rather him have that replica and drive it around any time he feels like it than go remake that stellar turd of a “horror” flick.

But of course, if he DOES go there at some point in the not too distant future… I bet it’ll scare the crap out of too many folks (me included)…

Since it’s hot as HELL outside, I figured I may as well throw you readers a bone in the form of a film with a lot of heat under its hood that won’t burn you (unless you’re expecting it to blow you away with stellar acting and a memorable plot.) If you take it at all seriously (and it’s VERY hard to do so, mind you), 1977’s THE CAR isn’t a great film by any stretch of the imagination, but it sure as hell is a really and unintentionally hilarious one.

It’s more or less a nasty-tasting cake made up of equal parts of single-word title films (JAWS, DUEL), a dash of devil possession from some other popular 70’s flicks, a custom George Barris ride that looks like a tricked out rolling bathtub and some (as in too many) scenery chewing lead and character actors having at the jumbled script and its crazy plot diversions.

This is a “Yours is not to question why…” flick, plain and simple. Small run down desert town gets visited and its citizenry terrified (and run down) by a mysterious driver-less evil car from hell (more or less). Sheriff and crew take on car with mixed and amusing results until they realize that good old fashioned explosives and a few tons of boulders solve many problems. Crash, Bang, Boom… The End? Yeah, it’s that simple enough to be a thirty minute episode of some sort of horror anthology on TV (or as part of a much better film anthology), but THE CAR is padded with a number of dopey subplots that don’t really go anywhere because after too many minutes of greasy buildup someone usually gets killed (and taken out of the picture as a result), leaving that screen door swinging in the breeze until the next victim shows up…

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