Sony May or May Not Reveal a New Console This Month. No One Is (Too) Surprised…

Posted on February 2, 2013 by geelw

Yay! But also *Yawn…* Look, Sony. Every gamer with an internet connection of any speed or two tin cans and a long enough string KNOWS you’re working on a fancy new console. So all this going to extremes to run possible teasers that may or may not be official reveals for more reveals as 2013 spools out is a bit silly. Well, at least I think it is. On the other hand, E3 is such a waste of time and money and has degenerated into less of a trade show and more of a fan convention with people lining up for free crap. It’s all long lines and loud, noisy bunch of annoying kids running around posing as game journalists and breaking any embargo or NDA they can sign, a few too many demos made by developers who hate making them in such a short time for the show, too many big, expensive parties, some of which are basically early funerals for developers who don’t make the Metacritic average once their expensive to produce and promote games are released to a too jaded audience that doesn’t really know what it wants because all they demand are more sequels… Continue reading →

Humor: Top Hand Rodeo Trailer: “If That Kinect Works Right For 8 Seconds…”

Posted on February 2, 2013 by geelw

“… then maybe this MIGHT be cool.” was the first joke I heard from a friend who saw this trailer and pointed it my way. Ouch and ha – ha. Well, it might be cool indeed… unless you’re a die-hard ro-dey-o fanatic who takes this Xbox 360 game way too seriously and start flopping around your living room like Elizabeth Berkeley in that infamous pool scene from Showgirls. Well, I’m a glass half-full guy, sooooo… at least when you fly off that invisible bull and bust you ass and/or any other important bits, once you wake up from that coma, you can end up riding a Rascal scooter with a fake bull tail stapled to the back of the seat. It HAS to be a fake tail, as who wants to be chased down the street (slowly) by some pissed off PETA members?

Those scooters only do what, 1/4 a mile an hour or something like that and if they went faster, you’d just go off a curb or bump in the sidewalk or street like Evel Knievel and land just like he did on some of his more unsuccessful motorcycle jump attempts. Hmmm… I wonder if Rascal makes a street-worthy riding bed? That way, when you come out of that second coma, you can get fake bull horns for the front to go with the replacement tail you ordered from that Cabela’s catalog.

Hmmm… perhaps there’s something to this “video games causing violence” thing after all… Yee haw.

Jack The Giant Slayer TV Spot 2: Land of the CGI Giants Still Leaves Me Chilly…

Posted on January 28, 2013 by geelw

OK, OK, I’m trying hard to give this one a chance and yes, as I noted a while back, it’s definitely better looking that the awful 1962 original that tried to fool viewers with some piss-poor stop motion ( as in: Hey, we can’t get Harryhausen, but those stoopid kids won’t EVEN know! Well, I sure did…) and wooden acting. Well, this certainly will beat that old flick to a pulp on a few fronts, but will it be remembered as much as the original is… or will it vanish into the bargain bin and into cable recycle mode like the remake of Clash of the Titans and its sequel, Wrath of the Titans. I finally saw that this past weekend and was not impressed despite some pretty wild effects work. These “epics” NEED to feel epic, not like almost two hours of loud, big and forgettable. Well, let’s hope Jack is actually something that works on the right parts of the brains of those who go see it. Me, I’ll hold out for the cable premiere…

These “Creatures” Might Be “Beautiful”… But They’ll Never Be “Heavenly…”

Posted on January 26, 2013 by geelw

Now, I know for a fact and a half that I’m not even interested in seeing this upcoming flick (I’m SO not into the tween fantasy stuff, sorry!), but know ye this: I was fooled for a hot minute a few months back and ALMOST thought this was a remake of Peter Jackson’s outstanding (and much more mature) ‘based on a true story’ film that marked the acting debuts of Kate Winslet and Melanie Lynskey and wondered if I was nuts for getting pissed off that someone went and remade it. Fortunately, I watched that trailer and didn’t post a needlessly incorrect rant I’d have to apologize for later, right? How un-Internet of me! Anyway, it looks good (in a whee, pretty people and too much CG sorta way) go see it if you liked the books. Me, maybe I’ll catch it on cable at some point in about, what, eight months or so (a year, tops)? I can wait.

Or as the trailer above is titled… “Let’s get out of here!”

Industry Noose: R.I.P., THQ, Atari Sinking… Who’s Next?

Posted on January 24, 2013 by geelw

Ugh. I hate being right, but I’ve been around for one big industry crash, the slow death of the popular arcade scene and too many recent studio closures and other big to small bumps that make it somewhat sad to be a gamer for so damn long. If you think this mobile and tablet junk will “save” things, welll…. it won’t if the industry keeps trying to sell a business model and services as “product” and goes on forgetting CONTENT (and quality) is king. Well, as I predicted (but was hoping would never happen despite the writing all over the wall for years), THQ has gone the 3DO and Midway route, with some major IP assets sold off to assorted publishers and others still in some sort of limbo state for the moment. Atari seems to be headed to a third or fourth demise, filing for Chapter 11 and hoping for a split from Infogrames and some savior with deep pockets who can throw money at a problem that may not be able to be solved even with so many classic IP at stake.

Continue reading →

DmC Hits Retail, Kicks Haters In The Groin Area By Actually Being Good

Posted on January 15, 2013 by geelw

See, I told you Ninja Theory could knock this out of the park. The game is getting some decent reviews all around and yes, it’s still not stopping the crazier conspiracy theorists out there who’ve been saying Capcom “paid off” people for those scores. Worse still are the folks picking apart reviews for their negative points about the game and using them as ammunition to claim the game isn’t good at all because there are issues that keep it from the “perfection” they think every game needs to meet their standards or whatever. Of course, neither Capcom nor Ninja Theory are going to pay any of these folks any mind at all because they had total confidence in the end result. That said, I did see a funny in-game cinema that seems to poke the haters in the eye for all that bile they’ve been spewing from the moment the game was announced. Eh, whatever – congratulations to the developer, publisher and any fans who respect both companies and are enjoying the hell out of DmC on the PS3 and Xbox 360. PC owners, you get your chance to dive in and beat the crap out of demons on January 25…

(And… here’s the PS3 trailer just to rub it in a little more…the game is good. Deal with it! Or maybe actually PLAY it and enjoy all the hard work NT has done!)

Warm Bodies: Undead, Rise Up And Take Back Your Lives! Er, Wait…

Posted on January 13, 2013 by geelw

Yeah, yeah, it’s based on a reeeeaaaaalllly popular book or whatever and yep, it’s geared to that teen crowd who needs their latest faux horror entertainment fix or whatever. But, bleh. Trailer above, first four minutes below. OK, I’m not THAT much of a cranky jerk – I’m just disappointed at what passes for a decent mainstream horror flick these days. I’ll admit it IS funny, but when I see zombies, I usually see ZERO laughs. Or at least laughs that are dark and completely cringe-worthy because you know it’s funny but you shouldn’t be laughing when you look at the big picture. Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland, anyone?

That said, the original 1968 version of Night of the Living Dead? That’s the gold standard for my old ass (and it should be for yours if you’ve never seen it). If it’s on cable and I’m awake and not watching anything important, I’ll catch that flick again and again because it works on a ton of levels these teen films miss entirely. That goes for today’s “vampire” flicks too, which need a SERIOUS revamping (no pun intended) OK, save for a few minutes and that ending, I liked that Fright Night remake a lot because it was actually funny, had a few good scares and an excellent performance from Colin Farrell (who makes a pretty creepy vampire). Let’s not even talk about the curse of Twilight, as billions of dollars in box office or not, those sparkly things aren’t even close to being a Nosferatu, Blacula or even a Count Yorga (yeah, I went there just to get you Googling)…

Fools and Your Money Are Soon Parted: Game Industry Heading For Cliff, Crazy Blogger Warns…

Posted on January 13, 2013 by geelw

So, let’s get this straight: There are industry analysts, small to large game studios, publishers and even some casual to core gamers who think the console model is dead or close to death because retail games are too expensive (yes, they are), consoles aren’t as powerful as they should be (that’s a matter of opinion and a more importantly, a developer’s skills), and a few other things I keep hearing over and over online. Yet they almost all seem willing to buy into this new set of Android-based controllers that turn a phone into a handheld system, all-in-one PC-like boxes and other inexpensive to costly under the set tech (which seem to be hated by those who build their own custom gaming rigs) that will play games already running on mobile phones and tablets. No thanks, boys – I’d rather sit on a hot stove while reading Ulysses in its entirety… twice. Continue reading →

CES 2013: iPotty? Really? Argh in the Time of Cholera…

Posted on January 10, 2013 by geelw

Now, I’m not one of those folks who believes dropping a kid in front of a TV playing PBS for an hour or two is a bad thing, but THIS crap? Or more precisely, THIS crapper? No. Hell no. No, No and NO. Sure, I get my best thinking done on the can, but dammit, a freakin’ TODDLER needs to concentrate on learning the basics of taking a good and safe poop, not helping his or her entire family contract a nasty case of whatever they deserve to get from handling an iPad that’s going to be Germ Central Station the minute some dopey hipster parent looks away at their phone (or lawd help them, reaches for that damn phone to snap a picture of the kid using the thing to post on Facebook) and Junior wipes a stinky hand all over the screen. Eww (even if it has a screen protector included). What’s the shelf life on stupid ideas? Bet you a dime this gets recalled at some point or just tanks flat out. Save your $39.99 and thank me later, folks.

And I usually LIKE some of CTA’s goofy but useful peripherals, by the way…

VGA 101 Personals: Hardcore Game Nut Seeking Reliable PS3 Controller For Good Times…

Posted on January 8, 2013 by geelw

Seriously. For some reason, I have NO luck with PlayStation 3 controllers. I’ve gone through no fewer than ten controllers in the past five or six years and it’s not because I’m some hulking ham-fisted beast-man or mean-eating Amazon snapping spines like twigs like Tura Satana in Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (whee, a Russ Meyer reference!). I’ve only gone through two Xbox 360 pads in about six years, but I do tend to gravitate to the PS3 a bit more. That said, I don’t think it’s the controller’s construction at all because that total includes a few third-party pads that have died from a broken analog stick here or a rechargeable battery that wouldn’t charge there (the most common issue). My last controller was an otherwise excellent Power A pad that looked like an Xbox 360 controller and it worked beautifully until a few days ago when it flashed a few read lights around the ring in the center before pooping out completely. Boo. Hiss. Continue reading →