The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug TV Spots 1 & 2: Only A Year (Or Less) ‘Til Cable!

OK, don’t shoot me, movie people. I’ve decided to wait until this one pops up on cable TV, as the first film is (not so surprisingly) premiering later this month (on HBO, I think). So much for the normal waiting time that used to be at least a year or so after a major film hit theaters. At this point, it’ll seem to some as if the only reason to go to the movies is just to get out of the house and see a flick on something larger than that already too large HDTV you may own (or the big wall you project movies on). OK, widescreen is also a good reason, but most new films are ending up premiering in that theatrical format to the point that I get annoyed when I see a recent or older film that SHOULD be in that aspect ratio run as a crappy pan & scan version. B to the O to the O, cable and movie people who still do that crap. Even an old analog set can play a widescreen movie in letterbox format, so enough with the old versions already, I say. The ONLY films that need to fill up my screen like that are the classics TCM shows that weren’t originally shot that way. OK, old cartoons and classic TV get a pass as well.

Of course, if you’re impatient or just love seeing films on a big screen with hordes of smelly humans around you, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug opens in theaters on December 13, 2013. Everyone else, set your clocks…

Carrie “Get In Your Closet” Clip: Oh, We’ve ALL Been There Before, Right?

Yeah, so… who HASN’T had to “go to the closet” at some point in their lives? Poor Carrie above only has those telekinetic powers and a nutso mommy to worry about. I know us folks in the real world need to toss ourselves in and shut the door for a while when we pull off those major boners and need a time out while the walls fall in. Say, did you know a nice clean closet with a few blankets tossed on the floor and lots of long coats and shirts and such makes a PERFECT nap spot? Bill collectors, pissed off parents and anyone else can look up and down and all around for you but that’s THE last place they’ll ever, ever look. Of course, if you have a pet at home, you’re screwed plus tax, as those cute little bums will always sniff you out. Hell, you could have the most stoned out, never ever fetched a darn thing in its life lazy ass Scooby-Don’t as a pet and as soon as you get into that closet, he’s nosing open the door to lay on top of those blankets you’re under. Bad dog! BAD!

Um, oh yeah… Carrie is in theaters October 18. I can’t see it because I have no movie theater near me now. Maybe I’ll go take a nap in the closet instead…

GRAVITY Is Number 1, So NWA World Has Some Fun…

Of course, when you’re on top of the world (or a few hundred miles above it), your success become ripe for the picking at from a few sources. The folks at NMA World pull no punches here with their take on deleted scenes, but you may need a refresher course on current Chinese news and history in order to get everything here. I still haven’t seen Gravity yet as the movie theater near me is still closed and I’m completely clueless (well, a bit more clueless than usual) as to when it will reopen. If I don’t see any life signs there within a week, I just may need to settle for traveling a bit. I certainly WON’T go for a cheap Chinese bootleg at all (fake outtakes or not), as this is the sort of flick that needs money going where it’s supposed to when all is said and done…

Gravity “Now Playing” Spots 1 & 2: What Are You Doing At Home Reading This?

Yeah, YOU. get out there and go see this one before somebody you know does and blabs out the ending or whatever. Amusingly enough, I can’t even see it if I wanted to in a non-3D version as the movie theater near me closed down (!) with no notice. Which stinks as there used to be three or four within walking distance many years back and they’re all something else now. BOO. If I want to go to the movies now, it’s a few miles walk or a bus trip (but I’m a cheap bastard and I’d probably hoof it on a nice day). So go see this and if you run into me on the way to the movies, don’t tell me a damn thing, grrr…

Gravity “Experience the Third Dimension” Featurette: Your Wallet Will Be Lighter, That’s For Sure…

Ooh, look! it’s future home video commentary (I’ll bet you a whole dollar on that, dear readers). While the film is getting some VERY solid scores across the board so far from early screenings, I still can’t justify paying close to $30 for a movie ticket, transportation and food to see this ONE time. It’s definitely the first 3D film I’ve been interested in seeing, but IMAX seems to be the way to go based on the gushing reviews. I’m not that guy who follows mandates like this, so I’m hoping the upcoming Blu-Ray/DVD looks great projected on the wall in the DAF living room. That or my pal George Clooney spots me some ticket money. Hell, I’ll even chase Sandra Bullock around like a nicer paparazzi without a camera if she’ll get me in to see this. Hmmm. perhaps an IMAX “Lite” theater needs to be created for us cheap bastards that aren’t into “experiences” and more into movies for their stories and acting. Of course, where I live, that Lite theater would be a couple of guys with sledgehammers knocking a hole in the wall of whatever IMAX theater is closer and charging less for a ticket, but MORE for a pair of used 3D specs. Ugh.

Gravity TV Spot 6: “And Now I’m Mad About Space Junk”

I actually had a crazy dream the other night that the end credits to Gravity were going to be Devo’s 1978 tune “Space Junk”, but we know that’s not going to happen (although it would be a pretty darn amusing joke… well, to me at least. Can you believe DEVO has been around for 40 years? Well, their first LP was release in 1978, but the group first got together in 1972/73! Of course, if you have to ask “Who’s DEVO?”, you need a proper conversion. No need to do anything, dears… it’s all been arranged. Just step outside during the next full moon and look up to the northwest. Things will happen and you’ll be converted. Um, take a good umbrella or even better, a hardhat and remember to not forget to close those peepers. It may sting a little…

Gravity TV Spots 4 & 5: Heavy Rotation and Airtime Thoughts…

OK, I missed an update thanks to me not watching “normal” TV for a few days last week, but here you go. Everything I’m hearing about this is good, which is kind of rare in that there’s usually at least one or two detractors about any sci-fi film. On the other hand, this is supposed to be a “hard” Sf flick and the buzz on the realism is (so far) also positive. Granted, I can’t think of any time in the past when an event such as this happened, but I’ll let the science geeks have at it once they see the film and decide to pick it apart for things their bigger brains note as incorrect. Although… how would they know unless *gasp!*… they’re frequent space travelers themselves… or aliens.

And yes, that “*gasp!*” was placed in the wrong spot and I’m too tired from gasping (twice!) to move it.

Carrie “Unique” TV Spot: Well, If It Weren’t a Remake… It Sure Would Be.

Har de har. OK, it may be a darn good remake and all, but I still think Brian DePalma’s version will be the go-to version of Carrie I’ll always prefer for a few reasons. Sure, this new version has Chloe Grace Moretz and Julianne Moore in it as leads, but I can’t see Julianne saying “dirtypillows” without a snicker starting (and the fact that we’ve all see her dirtypillows in a few films, hee hee hee! Hooray for indie films!). Oh, rats… now that’s got me going and the Booby Express song is playing in the background (and too LOUD at that!). Argh! This is SUPPOSED to be a “serious” post! Oh well… done in once more. *Sigh*…

Gravity TV Spot 3: Getting Closer… But Still Far Away….

I’m still debating with myself if this fantastic-looking flick is worth dropping $30 on to see in IMAX and 3D and I’m leaning towards a “not quite” simply because I’m a legendary cheapskate (who tips well at restaurants, mind you) that would rather spend that cash on a game or Blu-Ray/DVD I can watch endlessly. I guess I should use something else to help me decide other than that two-headed coin I got from a magic shop ages ago, but the loaded dice, “miracle” card deck and cracked Magic 8-Ball here (that’s keeps reading “Reply Hazy, Please Try Again” over and over) all aren’t helping me make up my mind. Hmmm… perhaps a windfall I can spend and not feel guilty about will be the big decider. Yeah, I’ll go walk around with a big bucket and see what the wide drops in it… back at some point with a financial report of sorts…

Gravity TV Spot 2: Science For Dummies (As A Tease, At Least)…

If you aced that science class in school, you’re probably a little upset that right after the words NO SOUND appear in both the Gravity trailers and TV ads, there is indeed SOUND IN SPAAAAAAACE! there in the form of a big BOOM! and the noise of stuff rattling about. Welp, kids… that’s just wrong, but it’s been confirmed that there is indeed NO sound in the final film. Yes, the trailers and other ads are made for people who need that aural bump to get those thrills. That is all. Go see this – it looks phenomenal.