OK, other than clicking on the page on April 1 and entering the Konami Code on my keyboard to blow up all the stuff on the site with clicks, I ignored this “game” because it was pretty obvious that it was an April Fool’s gag gone viral. Hell, NO ONE would make a game like that after Duke Nukem Forever, Bulletstorm and a few other humor-centric shooters didn’t exactly set the world on fire. That and hell, Crytek was too busy working on stuff like Warface, Far Cry 3 and Crysis 3 DLC plus whatever else they’re cooking up, so this HAD to be a big, fat joke. Welllll, to quote Ah-nuld in that gun shop scene from The Terminator… WRONG.
Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon is not only real, it’s a standalone game that doesn’t require owning the original version of Far Cry 3 to play, looks completely nuts and sorry to say, isn’t going COMPLETELY old school because it’s a DIGITAL-ONLY release. Hell, if Ubisoft were smarter about this retro thing, they’d get this out in a LIMITED edition for PC, PS3 and Xbox 360 and sell it on that fake online shop they’ve set up on the Blood Dragon site. Do one run and that’s it for physical copies. They’d certainly get the attention of core gamers, collectors and those who just want more options in how they play their games, that’s for sure.
Hopefully Ubisoft and their PR will pay attention to my non-negotiable demands and make this happen as a retail product – I can see a bunch of people snapping this up if it’s packing the heat they expect.
“Ruh-Roh”. Welllll, this COULD go three ways for FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York… and call him a cab, as he’s going to need one if he makes a clean getaway from that Red Seeds Killer). He could try and engage the mad killer he’s been seeking for a while in a physical altercation (not a good thing if it’s suit-wearing fisticuffs against ratty robe wearing axe-swinging). He could try to put him down with a couple of well-placed shots from that gun he’s hopefully carrying (since he IS a FBI agent, he SHOULD be carrying his gun when exploring such a freaky location, right?)… OR he could remember that old comedy movie classic that was on TV late last night and attempt to confuse the killer completely before getting away in that cab you called.
And just how will YOU get away from that axe-wielding maniac when you’re playing 
Meanwhile, back at the ranch… Game Director Swery 65 is certainly feeling quite cool these days, as fans of his work have been whipping up some very nice artwork about his game and there have even been cosplay sightings at some recent conventions of certain characters from Greenvale. If you get REALLY lucky, you may even see Swery doing a bit of his own unique impression of York at one of these events, but pretend you’re thinking he’s adjusting his glasses because he’s not wearing a nice suit and tie like York has…
Occasional slow work days and long nights aside, everyone I’ve spoken to in Greenvale during this extended project has nothing but high praise for Game Director Swery 65. They say he’s always willing to listen to input about a scene and even lets the actors do a bit of ad-libbing, which really pays off in certain portions of the game. Like I said above, you’ll see…
You know, you can keep York a bit safer when he rides around Greenvale with George (or without him) once you pick up a copy of 
But don’t bug Game Director Swery 65 about this. Based on my poking around, some other outlets have been hounding him day and night with questions and even sending out paparazzi to catch him in some sort of compromising situations. Usually, he’s quite a nice guy, but as you can see here, all of these unnecessary attention and hounding has made him a tad cranky. Hell, I know I’d be ticked off if I was taking out my garbage and found seven guys poking through it looking for who knows what. I think I’ll talk to him later about sticking a few rat traps in his garbage can and listening for that snapping sound and cursing when a few fingers get caught. Hey, you’d do it too if that crap was going on…
It just hit me a few days ago that Francis York Morgan (just call him York!) looks a little like the late film actor Montgomery Clift. Now, I haven’t mentioned this to him just yet, as he’s been out and very busy on this Red Seeds Killer case, but it’s a striking near-resemblance, don’t you think? Well, OK, the hair is different, but it’s raining in that screenshot. Here’s something tragically hip, though. Just as Monty had a terrible auto accident in 1956 that left scars and forever changed his life, York arrives in Greenvale thanks to a car wreck of his own. He’s unhurt, however… but like this real-life Hollywood actor, he’s got some demons to deal with both inside and out on his strange journey in and around that sleepy little town plagued by a vicious killer. Hmmm. I wonder if there’s a movie being made about this particular incident and who’s going to be cast as the handsome, troubled profiler with an unusual past? I’d bet it would be Monty Clift if times were shifted and he was around today looking like he did in this photograph… “There I go again shaking, but I ain’t got the chills…”
Hmmm… One of these days I’ll need to ask Game Director Swery 65 about his cinematic influences when creating this game. I know it started life as an homage of sorts to David Lynch’s amazingly weird and wonderful Twin Peaks, but once you play the game, you’ll see other elements pop up. Hmmm… how does the man find the time to watch movies when he’s got all of Greenvale to watch over to make sure only the strange stuff that HAS to happen there happens when it needs to happen? Oh well – I’ll let him finish that beer before I bug him about this. I don’t want to interrupt anyone enjoying an adult beverage with any silly questions…
Oh, when you do stop by the A&G on a slow Sunday, keep an eye peeled for Game Director Swery 65, as he tends to drop in from time to time when he’s close by the town. I think Greenvale has no “blue laws” in place, as you’ll probably spot him having a cold beverage or two that ISN’T a Sundae. Hint, it happens to go REALLY well with more afterward and is even better with a good burger and side of really awesome hot hand-cut fries. Hmm… now I’m REALLY starving all of a sudden. Off to get some dinner that’s not as much of a “guilty” pleasure (but it WILL be a miracle if I can whip it up before Game of Thrones starts up – back in a bit.)..
Yeah, yeah, we NORMALLY do our Saturday Evening Post about the swingin’ Swery65 Bar, but I just got an URGENT call followed by an email from Greenvale’s own Sheriff George Woodman, who’s a bit pissed off at me. OK, he’s REALLY pissed off at me and he’s probably got a good reason for that. Hey, I’m just trying to make these updates as entertaining as possible, so I tend to stretch the truth a little. Anyway, he’s mad because I’ve been portraying him as a bad-ass apple practical joker who’s mean, cranky and always going after FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York!) in some not so good ways. Anyway, George wants you to know that he’s a really nice guy and has a VERY sensitive side few get to see because he’s SUPPOSED to be a tough no-nonsense sheriff and isn’t supposed to be a super “nice” guy when he’s ON the job. Anyway, a few more things about George you should know (according to him):
Still, I guess it was fine working for a famous big shot Game Director like Swery 65 (shown here with another famous big shot game director, Suda 51), as I can’t recall ANY reports of on-set problems while the game was being made. Sure, a few makeup and catering people went missing (and have never been found), but you know how it is in this business with a high turnover rate among certain types of low-level employees, right? Hmmm… maybe I should do some more digging on this Woodman character, as York seems like he’s a bit tied up with that Red Seeds Killer case and I think he could use some assurance that ol’ George isn’t a suspect…
"DESTROY ALL FANBOYS!" 