Contrary to what today’s screenshot shows, even if you’re driving an official Greenvale patrol car, you probably shouldn’t “Get out of car” as prompted here. As you can see, that car is kind of stopped in a REALLY bad spot and just waiting for an accident to happen. Granted, the traffic in this tiny town isn’t anywhere near the chaos of New York City during rush hour, but I’d bet you a dime that someone will crash into that misplaced prowler on a bicycle or other less than three wheeled ride. Of course, it might be that suspicious local sheriff George Woodman at the wheel with FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York!) in the passenger seat with George about to let York out right above an open manhole. Man, is this guy mean or what? Well, I guess as long as it’s all in fun and no one gets hurt, it’s all good. Right? Hmmm… what’s the number for the hospital again?

You know, you can keep York a bit safer when he rides around Greenvale with George (or without him) once you pick up a copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Featuring updated visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content and more, and YES, those driving controls are supposed to be better too! Just as long as it’s York behind the wheel and not George, things will be just peachy. In fact, you may want to avoid the Sheriff completely for a few days, as I hear he’s been acting a bit weird lately…

But don’t bug Game Director Swery 65 about this. Based on my poking around, some other outlets have been hounding him day and night with questions and even sending out paparazzi to catch him in some sort of compromising situations. Usually, he’s quite a nice guy, but as you can see here, all of these unnecessary attention and hounding has made him a tad cranky. Hell, I know I’d be ticked off if I was taking out my garbage and found seven guys poking through it looking for who knows what. I think I’ll talk to him later about sticking a few rat traps in his garbage can and listening for that snapping sound and cursing when a few fingers get caught. Hey, you’d do it too if that crap was going on…

Sundays at the A&G Diner are usually pretty quiet unless it’s about and hour or so before or after church when everyone holy rolls in to have breakfast, lunch or an early dinner. On those days when the sermons are truly soporific, sometimes you’ll spot a someone in their Sunday best along with a few fancy hats a bit earlier than usual popping in for a Sunday Sundae. And by the way, it’s THIS Sundae and not THAT Sundae (the A&G’s cook isn’t that well-versed in many ethnic cuisines). Granted, some of these dashingly dressed deity-fearing diners have heard some of that practiced polished proselytizing plenty of times in the past. Nevertheless, religious or not, everyone loves a tale well told at the end of the day and yep, they’ll be back to routine next week – just you watch. Of course, heathens of all types are more than welcome to stop in at the A&G any day they want to. Money is after all, non-denominational in its own special way.

I’m not sure if FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York) is one of the converted flock, but there’s something really weird about the guy in a strangely spiritual way. I hear he talks to himself in public or something, which isn’t TOO weird (everyone does this at some point, right), but that’s not really my business. If you’re also a happy heathen, you can spend a Sunday with York in Greenvale when you play Rising Star Games’ PlayStation 3 exclusive Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, headed to stores on April 30, 2013. Updated HD visuals, over 100 improvements from the original version, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content and more, all of which will have you singing this game’s praises to the heavens. Don’t be surprised if you actually see some angels at some point during your time with the game – it may not make sense, but they’re in there…

Oh, when you do stop by the A&G on a slow Sunday, keep an eye peeled for Game Director Swery 65, as he tends to drop in from time to time when he’s close by the town. I think Greenvale has no “blue laws” in place, as you’ll probably spot him having a cold beverage or two that ISN’T a Sundae. Hint, it happens to go REALLY well with more afterward and is even better with a good burger and side of really awesome hot hand-cut fries. Hmm… now I’m REALLY starving all of a sudden. Off to get some dinner that’s not as much of a “guilty” pleasure (but it WILL be a miracle if I can whip it up before Game of Thrones starts up – back in a bit.)..

Yeah, yeah, we NORMALLY do our Saturday Evening Post about the swingin’ Swery65 Bar, but I just got an URGENT call followed by an email from Greenvale’s own Sheriff George Woodman, who’s a bit pissed off at me. OK, he’s REALLY pissed off at me and he’s probably got a good reason for that. Hey, I’m just trying to make these updates as entertaining as possible, so I tend to stretch the truth a little. Anyway, he’s mad because I’ve been portraying him as a bad-ass apple practical joker who’s mean, cranky and always going after FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York!) in some not so good ways. Anyway, George wants you to know that he’s a really nice guy and has a VERY sensitive side few get to see because he’s SUPPOSED to be a tough no-nonsense sheriff and isn’t supposed to be a super “nice” guy when he’s ON the job. Anyway, a few more things about George you should know (according to him):

To all the single ladies in the house, he likes long walks on the beach, classical music and fine dining (despite Greenvale not having a beach or wine being served at the A&G Diner where he can be found nearly every day – those home fries are killer!). George also writes the occasional poem or song and, hey… he even sent along an email with some sample lyrics from something he’s done recently to show he’s got a good sense of humor about himself:

Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice
Cause I speak of the pompat…

HEY, wait a minute there! Those are the opening lines from that classic rock song The Joker by the Steve Miller Band! Damn you George… you almost got me, too. Hmmm. I just got another email from him with a picture – he’s giving me the finger and sticking his tongue out in it. Yeah, he’s a TOTAL jerk after all, folks…

Still, don’t let that stop you one bit from pre-ordering your own copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Featuring updated visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content and more, you’ll absolutely love the game for the stuff outside of Woodman’s little power plays for your undivided attention. I think he’s just ticked off that York is getting more attention than he ever has. Personally, I really do think there’s something wrong with the guy, (but don’t you DARE tell him I said that as I think he’s got quite a mean streak)…

Still, I guess it was fine working for a famous big shot Game Director like Swery 65 (shown here with another famous big shot game director, Suda 51), as I can’t recall ANY reports of on-set problems while the game was being made. Sure, a few makeup and catering people went missing (and have never been found), but you know how it is in this business with a high turnover rate among certain types of low-level employees, right? Hmmm… maybe I should do some more digging on this Woodman character, as York seems like he’s a bit tied up with that Red Seeds Killer case and I think he could use some assurance that ol’ George isn’t a suspect…

It’s Friday in Greenvale and it’s been a long, long week for Emily, York and George as they’ve been dealing with the rather annoying Red Seeds Killer and his murderous ways. You can’t have a successful tourism business if people who show up in town never leave. Granted, you DO get friends and relatives from other areas coming in for funerals or to claim the remains, but that’s not what your otherwise sleepy town needs to be known for, I’d gather. Anyway, in this screen, Emily is looking forward to getting home and out of that uniform into a hot bath with a good book and a glass of wine. York is looking forward to getting to the bottom of this damn case and putting the killer (or killers) behind bars or in a nondescript pine box. And George? Well, he’s looking forward to when York gets back to his hotel room and finds out he’s had a KICK KILL ME sign taped to the back of his jacket all day. If this were a sitcom, that scene would play out something like this:

Interior: YORK’S motel room, Greenvale.
YORK comes in, shuts door and takes of jacket. Hanging it on the door he sees the taped on sign George put there that morning when he slapped him on the back.

YORK (pulls sign off jacket, looks at it, makes a face and shakes his fist at the jacket hanging on the door): “Woodman!” (cue laugh track)…

Oh, that George! What a cut-up…

Of course, you can make sure you keep a good eye on George Woodman and his antics when you pick up a copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Updated HD visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, an all-new scenario and more will all help you make sure Woodman’s less of a pest than he normally is. Then again, I’m betting you won’t care much about what George is trying to put ON your back than you will be about the Red Seeds Killer trying to put IN your back. Paying attention to the big picture means a lot more living to look forward to, I’d say.

And of course, Game Director Swery 65 is DEFINITELY looking forward to all of you enjoying his game or not enjoying it, then debating with DP fans about what makes it so great. I’d say the fans of this one will outnumber the haters, who will be squeaking away like mice about holes in their cheese as everyone else is enjoying the ride. And playing the game all over again once they’re done.  I say we should all make him a happy guy, as happy guys who make games make more good games afterward…

So, FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York) has a keen eye for intriguing and functional architecture, it seems. Given that Greenvale is a pretty scenic little sleepy town (and a bit of a tourist hotspot lately), you’d think he’d fall more in love with the gorgeous landscape including all those big trees and clean air. But, nope – he falls head over heels for a certain official-looking building in town… and you won’t believe which one (even though I gave it away – oops). Granted, it’s probably close to his heart because it’s related to his type of employment, but still, who wants to take their work home with them ALL the time. OK, granted he’s got a lot to take care of in town what with the Red Seeds Killer doing his thing and all, but I’d not even want to know what that special person in his life thinks of his obsession. Hmmm… then again, the special person in York’s life is is imaginary friend, Zach… but we won’t talk about that now. You’ll just need to see that for yourself…

And guess what, folks? You can do exactly that if you grab a copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Updated HD visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, an all-new scenario and more await your own appreciation. You may not know about art at all, but you should know what you like, I say. Even if it scares the hell out you most of the time you’re playing it. But you LOVE being scared, correct? Well, that’s what it says on your social network profiles. I’ve been reading alllllllll about you lately. You should appreciate that, too…

Speaking os appreciation, by the way, you buying this game and telling a friend or three would make Game Director Swery65 REALLY happy. If you ask me, I’d say that he’s sure to make a name for himself here in the US with his hot little interactive horror story and you can most certainly help out by snapping up a copy as soon as you see it at your favorite game emporium. I think he’s really on to something with this scary stuff, folks…

According to Guinness (no, not THAT other Guinness, silly – we don’t go back to the Swery65 Bar until Saturday’s post), the longest time spent holding one’s breath underwater was 22 minutes flat by Stig Severinsen of Denmark at the London School of Diving (which is in London, of course), on May 3, 2012. While I don’t think FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York) and his young charge are intending to break that record any time soon, YOU can certainly feel free to make that attempt on your own. Just set a timer and stare at this screenshot while holding your breath and see how long you can last. Simple, no? Um, you MAY want to practice for a bit before you go contact the Guinness people (no, not THOSE Guinness people!), but you SHOULD be able to do quite well because you won’t be underwater at all (unless you’re reading this in the bathtub while holding a tablet). That and if you need to give up, gasping for air doesn’t get you two lungs full of water (or dirty soapy water if you’re in the tub). If you do happen to break that record, let me know and/or give me partial credit – I like to know I occasionally inspire people to do great things.

By the way, you’ll also get plenty of practice gasping and holding your breath when you play Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. This update to the former Xbox 360 game features updated HD visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content, DLC that extends the game’s lifespan and more. Feel free to pre-order the game now or face the fact that you may not get a copy when you really want one. I predict your breathing practice will get quite a workout because you’re not coming up for air for some time once you fire this game up.

You’ll also make Game Director and part time eye wear model Swery 65 a VERY happy man. He’ll be able to finally buy those Bootsy Collins sunglasses he’s been eyeballing on eBay or maybe even that cocktail table Ms. Pac-Man he saw at a bar here in the US when he attended this year’s GDC. Of course, he could also buy himself an airplane ticket to come shake the hands of everyone who picked up a copy of this game, but (wait for it…) don’t hold your breath…

Hoo, boy. Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York, please) MAY be a paranormal talented investigator extraordinaire with his special invisible friend Zach whispering stuff in his head, but MAN, is he a sucker when it comes to falling for the silliest gags. Get this: he actually BELIEVED that people are supposed to give and received gifts on April 1st and yep, those Hawaiian themed pajamas he’s got on are getting him into some nasty trouble as you can see by his dwindling life bar. For the record, creepy not-quite undead horrors HATE Hawaiian pajamas and in fact, they tend to freak out even more when they smell coffee and GUESS who had three cups of the A&G Diner’s special Kona Blend? OH, yeah, it’s going to be a loooooong day, that’s for sure. And yes, it was Sheriff George Woodman who gave York those PJ’s. York gave him a new expensive hat, but George picked it out (of course), the bum. Well, they DO say “April is the cruelest month”, right?…

Will our hero survive his not a real holiday encounter with these fiends? Or will he be pushing up daisies and headed back to that last save spot to try again? You get the chance to find out yourself if you’re smart enough to pre-order and buy a copy of Rising Star Games’ Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, headed exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Updated HD visuals, all-new content, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, and more, more, more are all in store for you lucky devils out there. Even more important, I think you don’t have to wear those silly PJ’s if you don’t want to. You’ll still have to deal with those evil, smelly killy things coming after you, but they just might be a little nicer. Maybe.

And look! York got Sheriff Swery a new hat as well, but at least HE didn’t go pick out the most expensive one in the catalog like stupid George did. Someone ought to teach that guy a lesson like “Be nice to the people you meet on the way up… they’re the SAME people you’re going to meet on the way down…” or something like that. I forgot what he got York, but it’s probably something like an autographed picture or a copy of that game he worked on. Hey, everybody needs a hobby, I say…

So, you’ve survived another Saturday night in Greenvale and your trip to the Swery65 Bar ended without a fight breaking out. Good for you – lesson learned, correct? Still, you drank just enough to have a touch of a hangover, but it’s all good because you know just how and where to get that all taken care of. Shuffle on into your shoes (well, AFTER a shower, shave and some putting on of pants, please) and make like a hungry dog over to the A&G Diner. That coffee will slap you awake while the breakfast special will beat the hell out of that throbbing head stuff and send it flying out an ear or nostril. Make sure you take the normal street route to the diner, though. There may have been another murder last night and you don’t want to be sneaking around the back way as the police and that weird detective are poking around for clues. That and you DEFINITELY wouldn’t want to run into the killer plaguing the town, would you? That’s the worst way to get rid of a hangover I hear because it might rely on you losing your head (which is NOT a good thing the last time I checked)…

Oh, before you go, make sure to pre-order a copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. When you finally get back home from your extended vacation in Greenvale, you can relive the excitement and freaky thrills by playing as Detective Francis York Morgan as he investigates the case of the Red Seeds Killer. Updated visuals, all-new content, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, as well as more cool stuff awaits you and your lucky friends who won’t have to sit through that boring slideshow you originally planned to show when you got back…

Oh yeah, did you know that in addition to some stellar strong coffee and awesome pie (try the apple-pineapple for a REAL treat), the A&G makes a really kick-ass hamburger? All of the ones ON the menu are outstanding, but order the small but absolutely killer Sweryburger (ask for a Number 65) and be prepared to be back for another one when it’s time to think about your dinner plans. The fries are awesome as well – freshly hand cut, thick and tossed in a seasoning mix that makes them oh so yummy.

Hmmm… now I’m hungry as hell – I’ll see you at the A&G!