Crow Pie Chronicles (Or I’m Glad To Be Wrong About): The Lego Movie

Posted on February 7, 2014 by geelw

YUM! I said I’d eat a crow pie if I was wrong about The Lego Movie not sucking and yep, I’m a man of my word, although I had to substitute some of my not yet world famous chicken for “crow” and a few slices of whole grain bread for “pie”. Anyway, it’s good to see this one netting nice notices so now I need to see it at some point and make sure all those critics weren’t sucking in the happy gas WB pumped into those free screenings I didn’t get an invite to (boo!). Since I’ve been ignoring the film for the most part, I’m going in blind other than what I’ve seen on those TV spots popping up all over the place every few seconds. I still think it’ll be well over the heads of anyone over ten years old who won’t get all the references and in-jokes, but that’s probably me underestimating the kids of the hipsters and boomers taking them to see this.

And wait, wha-whaaaat? There’s a video game based on the film as well? I did predict this last year or earlier, but I’m actually surprised that there was one made because that’s just TOO meta at the end of the day. Anyway, you KNOW a movie is going to be worth seeing when Fox News has a shit fit about it for all the wrong reasons. They seem to believe that a movie made to get people to run out and spend money to see it (and the tie in toys AND the game that’s made for the same purpose) is somehow teaching kids to be “anti-capitalist” (wha-whaaaat?)… despite the OBVIOUS hundreds of millions this will rake in for a few big corporations. As the kids say, DERP.

Yeah, they’re quite stupid over there and I wish they’d stop it. But it’s interesting watching them hang themselves by their own rope every day they keep the blood pressure of their viewership headed through the roof over trifling nonsense. Perhaps they all need to chill for a bit and actually go see some of the stuff they bitch and moan about as bad for Amurrrrica? That would be my prescription…

300: Rise of An Empire: On War Pigs And Going Whole Hog…

Posted on February 5, 2014 by geelw

I’m still on the “jury’s out” side when it comes to this not quite sequel coming out. So many movies and TV shows have copied the green screen slo-mo technique and color palette of 300 that this film outdoing the first one in terms up upping the chaos is almost too amusing to see working so well. Granted, those who loved 300 will love this as well, but I don’t expect the pickier historians out there to be so kind to this follow up. I’m in the process of going through the first movie again this week (I haven’t seen it in a few years) and I actually thought it was longer than it actually is. I think I digitally inserted scenes from that Spartacus series randomly in my head as I was watching or something. Eh, whatever – we’ll see what this does at the box office soon enough before it makes the short four to six month trip to Blu-Ray/DVD like everything else does…

300: Rise of an Empire TV Spots 2 and 3: Don’t Know Much About History (But I’m Not As Bad As Some)…

Posted on January 28, 2014 by geelw

Look, as much as I love Frank Miller’s incredible graphic novel 300 and its amazing (and historically inaccurate) take on the 300 Spartans and the Battle of Thermopylae, both it and this sequel (which seems to be based on Miller’s yet to be released follow up, Xerxes) are turning some younger people into ill-informed dopes. I actually overheard a conversation a few weeks back between some kids who tried to use the film and comic to write up a report a history class and yes, they all failed. One kid tried to blame the history teacher because “He’s old and he never even read the comic OR saw the movie!” which made me dash away to laugh myself silly. Ah, you kids… always trying to find the easy way out of some hard work.

That said, has those meddling kids gone and watched 1962’s The 300 Spartans, they might have failed with a higher grade as their teacher was probably around to see that flick. Or maybe they should have cracked the assigned books and checked out this video instead? Hmmmm. Well, lesson learned, I hope. Yeesh – some of these kids better wise the hell up before history forgets all about them one day…

300: Rise of an Empire TV Spot #1/Trailer #3: It’s Like Black Friday… With Swords and Shields!

Posted on January 20, 2014 by geelw

See men run. Run, men run. *Chop! *Stab!* *Splash!*… Ouch. Stupid men! Next time. I’ll stay off the battlefield when coming up with a post (Ouch!) Yeah, this slow-mo comic panel stuff has been done to death since the first film made it a wee bit too commonplace, but Warner Bros. is hoping those folks who dug the first film to death will do the same plus tax with this follow up. Given the fate of that poor Hercules film that just came out and got Julius Caesar-ed by critics and some moviegoers, this one better do a mighty great job of making people forget about all those pretenders to the throne.

If the film succeeds, it’s that header above in terms of people storming theaters to check it out. If it tanks, the screams will only be on screen in theaters playing to half-empty houses (or worse) and somewhere in WB headquarters that the film hasn’t even made its projected targets. As usual (repeat after me, class)… we shall see. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to find a medic. And a few missing body parts. Ouch!

Random Film of the Week: Sharky’s Machine

Posted on January 13, 2014 by geelw

Okay, I’ll admit it. I saw Sharky’s Machine with a few friends back in 1981 just so we could see a massive train-wreck in action. Of course, we were all surprised that the Burt Reynolds-directed film was not only quite good and well made, but actually a lot darker in tone than expected. There are also plenty of scenery-chewing funny bits in here as well, but none of them come at Burt’s expense and very few come from him (another surprise!).

Those bits of comic relief come primarily from the supporting cast made up of some of those “Where do I know HIM from?” actors (Bernie Casey, Brian Keith, John Fielder and Charles Durning among others) while Burt underplays Sharky as a moody and determined cop out to make the best of his earlier demotion who discovers love, death and dismemberment in a few strange places. Only two of those things actually happen TO him during the film, but I’ll keep you in suspense here (for the most part) just because I want you to check this one out at some point…

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Random Film of the Week(end), Too: THE HAND

Posted on January 4, 2014 by geelw

For the record, I hated THE HAND when I first saw it and don’t like it much more today. Not because it’s not scary at all (its one or two jump scare moments and the nutty ending work for me), and not because Michael Caine isn’t “givin’ it ‘is awl” (heh) as a strip cartoonist who loses his drawing hand in a freak accident, gets a prosthetic replacement and soon has a bit of a psychological breakdown afterwards that involves a few dips into murder. Nope, Caine is fine and creepy here as Jon Lansdale and in fact, the other actors do a mostly fine job with Stone’s script (based on the Marc Brandel novel “The Lizard’s Tail”).

My big beef with the movie is how very, very little of Barry Smith’s outstanding comic art (created specifically for the film, mind you) is seen once the main credits have finished rolling. It’s a shame because the films isn’t quite the horror film it needs to be despite trying very hard to bridge the gap between low budget indie and major studio first effort (it was Stone’s first time behind the camera on a feature film). Granted, this isn’t supposed to be a Smith biopic or anything like that and I eventually saw a chunk of the art in an interview Smith did around when the film was released or so (and it’s some beautiful work). But for all the story’s emphasis on Lansdale’s Mandro character being so important (hell, no hand, bro means NO Mandro!), we never see that much of the artwork up close or find out much about Mandro other than the art looks like Marvel’s Conan the Barbarian when Smith’s art really matured near the end of his run on the book… Continue reading →

Interstellar Teaser Trailer: What You Do After You’ve Gone Batty Thrice…

Posted on December 14, 2013 by geelw

So, it’s about a year away (!), but Christopher Nolan’s upcoming Interstellar looks as if it will be one more intensely interesting film from one of the more prolifically creative mainstream directors working today. Granted, this SUPER tease may as well be a trailer for a Salvage One movie or a more serious version of Joe Dante’s EXPLORERS, but I like that vagueness going on here and the fact that we have to wait a whole year to see what’s coming. Naturally, there WILL be updates as more of the plot and cast are revealed, but with any new film, I prefer to stay the hell off the internet and far away from speculation and spoilers because it just makes for a better overall viewing experience. Try it sometime and see, I say…

STL Ocarina Reminds You That Tauriel Is a LOT Cooler Than Zamfir Will EVER Be…

Posted on December 13, 2013 by geelw

So, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug opens in theaters today and yes indeed, STL Ocarina wants to get you in the mood for the film with a lovely little tune played by an actual elf. Okay, so it’s NOT an elf, actually… but hey, that video and tune make you BELIEVE there are and that’s all that counts, correct? And yes, you can still snap up that 6 Hole Lord of the Rings Ocarina you’ve been eyeballing. Did you know that people who play any type of musical instrument over time tend to be sharper when it comes to picking up on mistakes? Well, there’s a University of St. Andrews study that says it’s all due to learning how to play an instrument and sticking with it. Who says you can’t learn anything new these days? Now go get yourself or someone else a nice playable gift this year!

Edge of Tomorrow Trailer 1: Cruise Control, Straight Into The Future…

Posted on December 11, 2013 by geelw

SEVEN months away and they’re running trailers from what looks like a complete film? Well, this isn’t the first sci-fi flick that’s rolled out footage so early, but to me, this is Warner Bros. and Mr. Control making sure action fans get their drool on and line up like good little droogies by the time trailer 19 rolls around in a few weeks or so. Yeah, I’m no big Tom fan these days for a few reasons, but I will say this looks exciting to a point. Then again, he’s not getting any younger, so he’s going to be making with the acrobatics until someone carries him off to that other planet he thinks he’s going to be going to in real life. Eh, as long as it’s better than Elysium was. I was hitting myself in the head with a piece of popcorn that rolled under the coffee table here about an hour into that one. It’s called tough love, people…

Godzilla Teaser Trailer: Get Me A Shot Of Jaeger!

Posted on December 10, 2013 by geelw

And here you go. Not too shabby for a teaser, but we know there’s more to come. And yeah, how insane would a Godzilla/Pacific Rim crossover be? Okay, not possible at all, but it made me laugh when I overheard someone say this a few days ago. We Breaking Bad fans all KNOW Bryan Cranston’s character takes out the big lizard with either a homemade weapon rig popping out of the trunk of a car (or the back of a cargo ship) or a few pounds of freshly made ricin packed into a tasty whale carcass. Or perhaps a very large banana peel from when King Kong was stomping around in that Peter Jackson remake from earlier this century…

Anyway, more to come on this when another (longer or more thrilling) trailer drops.