“Spotted dogs have appeared throughout history in Europe, Asia, and Africa, credited with a dozen nationalities and as many native names. The dog we know today as the Dalmatian has been a dog of war, a draft dog, shepherd, ratter, fire-apparatus follower, firehouse mascot, bird dog, trail hound and retriever. Most importantly, he is the original and only coaching dog. His affinity for horses remains a basic instinct to this day and the breed is a natural follower and guardian of the horse-drawn vehicle.”

Source: American Kennel Club

So, now that you know you don’t need 101 (or 102) Dalmatians at all to keep a child safe, ladies and gents… just one really well-trained one. The again, I’d bet a forest full of those spotted dogs would be keeping that creepy Red Seeds Killer a bit more at bay (pun intended) and FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York!) a lot less busy…

Anyway, make sure you don’t go howling at the moon yourself because you missed out on picking up a copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, headed exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013 from Rising Star Games. Featuring over 100 improvements over the original game, refined HD graphics, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, all-new DLC and MORE. You’ll only find out what a dog and small child are doing mixed up in all this only if you play the game (no, the ghost of W.C. Fields isn’t in the game at all, but it would be funny to those who remember his work), so now that you’re curious, you can get on board the same train to Greenville a lot of us are already riding.

Off topic (woof!), Yesterday was Game Director Swery 65’s birthday! For real! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!  OK, because I didn;t know about this until after the fact, I didn’t get him a gift at all. Er, except that post I wrote for that day, so I feel a bit bad about that. The again, he really liked the post, so it’s all good in the end. I suppose it WOULD be bad form to let him know what MY birthday is (it’s coming up next month), but if he asks me, I’ll let him know right away…

“Ruh-Roh”. Welllll, this COULD go three ways for FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York… and call him a cab, as he’s going to need one if he makes a clean getaway from that Red Seeds Killer). He could try and engage the mad killer he’s been seeking for a while in a physical altercation (not a good thing if it’s suit-wearing fisticuffs against ratty robe wearing axe-swinging). He could try to put him down with a couple of well-placed shots from that gun he’s hopefully carrying (since he IS a FBI agent, he SHOULD be carrying his gun when exploring such a freaky location, right?)… OR he could remember that old comedy movie classic that was on TV late last night and attempt to confuse the killer completely before getting away in that cab you called.

“What old movie?” You ask, dear reader? Well, like I said… it’s a CLASSIC:

I think that Red Seeds Killer is in for quite a surprise. He’ll never see this coming, that’s for damn sure…

And just how will YOU get away from that axe-wielding maniac when you’re playing Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013? While you’re trying to decide that, make sure to take note of the updated HD visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, over 100 improvements over the original version and much more. Well, don’t spend TOO much time ogling those tweaks and letting that axe swinger get too close. Losing your head while checking out the scenery is only supposed to happen when you’re on vacation. Well, this long trip to Greenvale I’m taking IS sort of a vacation… but it’s certainly not what I’d call ANYTHING resembling a paradise. PROTIP: try running away, actually. I don’t think that killer has much of a sense of humor (or knows who the hell The Marx Brothers are, for that matter)…

Meanwhile, back at the ranch… Game Director Swery 65 is certainly feeling quite cool these days, as fans of his work have been whipping up some very nice artwork about his game and there have even been cosplay sightings at some recent conventions of certain characters from Greenvale. If you get REALLY lucky, you may even see Swery doing a bit of his own unique impression of York at one of these events, but pretend you’re thinking he’s adjusting his glasses because he’s not wearing a nice suit and tie like York has…

For the record, it’s always been a hard job being in a video game, folks. Even In the old days, standing outside stamping your feet up and down as a flat sprite was a total pain in the ass (but your feet hurt more) and as you can imagine, BORING as hell. Better tech meant that in some games, you couldn’t just stand and/or stamp around in the same spot at all. “Routines” became the new thing and now, you HAD to walk around and look as if you were busy. Of course, in the virtual open world of Greenvale, even if you’re NOT in the game that day, you’ll need to be on call just in case there’s a random event or sudden call sent out for some sort of scary moment to rattle the player. Of course, if you end up missing that call thanks to your cab not arriving on time or some other stupid thing, you end up going home annoyed, disappointed and tired. Well, at least there’s always a fresh pot of boiling water on the stove for tea and the A&G Diner has a secret delivery service for town residents (and its creepier denizens) only. I hear the fried chicken is great today…

Anyway, keep this Shadow employed and scaring YOU half (or more) to death, I say! Pre-order a copy of Rising Star Games PlayStation 3 exclusive Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, headed to retail on April 30, 2013. Featuring updated HD visuals, over 100 improvements from the original release, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support and MORE, this game is guaranteed to make all those Shadows happy overtime collecting guys and gals. And it’s all about the overtime for these guys, as they LOVE doing what they do so well. FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York!) may not feel the same way, as the more of them that get work that day he’s on the set, the more running like hell he needs to do. Sometimes, you can’t “kill” them all fast enough… or at all. You’ll see.

Occasional slow work days and long nights aside, everyone I’ve spoken to in Greenvale during this extended project has nothing but high praise for Game Director Swery 65. They say he’s always willing to listen to input about a scene and even lets the actors do a bit of ad-libbing, which really pays off in certain portions of the game. Like I said above, you’ll see…

Contrary to what today’s screenshot shows, even if you’re driving an official Greenvale patrol car, you probably shouldn’t “Get out of car” as prompted here. As you can see, that car is kind of stopped in a REALLY bad spot and just waiting for an accident to happen. Granted, the traffic in this tiny town isn’t anywhere near the chaos of New York City during rush hour, but I’d bet you a dime that someone will crash into that misplaced prowler on a bicycle or other less than three wheeled ride. Of course, it might be that suspicious local sheriff George Woodman at the wheel with FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York!) in the passenger seat with George about to let York out right above an open manhole. Man, is this guy mean or what? Well, I guess as long as it’s all in fun and no one gets hurt, it’s all good. Right? Hmmm… what’s the number for the hospital again?

You know, you can keep York a bit safer when he rides around Greenvale with George (or without him) once you pick up a copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Featuring updated visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content and more, and YES, those driving controls are supposed to be better too! Just as long as it’s York behind the wheel and not George, things will be just peachy. In fact, you may want to avoid the Sheriff completely for a few days, as I hear he’s been acting a bit weird lately…

But don’t bug Game Director Swery 65 about this. Based on my poking around, some other outlets have been hounding him day and night with questions and even sending out paparazzi to catch him in some sort of compromising situations. Usually, he’s quite a nice guy, but as you can see here, all of these unnecessary attention and hounding has made him a tad cranky. Hell, I know I’d be ticked off if I was taking out my garbage and found seven guys poking through it looking for who knows what. I think I’ll talk to him later about sticking a few rat traps in his garbage can and listening for that snapping sound and cursing when a few fingers get caught. Hey, you’d do it too if that crap was going on…

Sundays at the A&G Diner are usually pretty quiet unless it’s about and hour or so before or after church when everyone holy rolls in to have breakfast, lunch or an early dinner. On those days when the sermons are truly soporific, sometimes you’ll spot a someone in their Sunday best along with a few fancy hats a bit earlier than usual popping in for a Sunday Sundae. And by the way, it’s THIS Sundae and not THAT Sundae (the A&G’s cook isn’t that well-versed in many ethnic cuisines). Granted, some of these dashingly dressed deity-fearing diners have heard some of that practiced polished proselytizing plenty of times in the past. Nevertheless, religious or not, everyone loves a tale well told at the end of the day and yep, they’ll be back to routine next week – just you watch. Of course, heathens of all types are more than welcome to stop in at the A&G any day they want to. Money is after all, non-denominational in its own special way.

I’m not sure if FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York) is one of the converted flock, but there’s something really weird about the guy in a strangely spiritual way. I hear he talks to himself in public or something, which isn’t TOO weird (everyone does this at some point, right), but that’s not really my business. If you’re also a happy heathen, you can spend a Sunday with York in Greenvale when you play Rising Star Games’ PlayStation 3 exclusive Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, headed to stores on April 30, 2013. Updated HD visuals, over 100 improvements from the original version, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content and more, all of which will have you singing this game’s praises to the heavens. Don’t be surprised if you actually see some angels at some point during your time with the game – it may not make sense, but they’re in there…

Oh, when you do stop by the A&G on a slow Sunday, keep an eye peeled for Game Director Swery 65, as he tends to drop in from time to time when he’s close by the town. I think Greenvale has no “blue laws” in place, as you’ll probably spot him having a cold beverage or two that ISN’T a Sundae. Hint, it happens to go REALLY well with more afterward and is even better with a good burger and side of really awesome hot hand-cut fries. Hmm… now I’m REALLY starving all of a sudden. Off to get some dinner that’s not as much of a “guilty” pleasure (but it WILL be a miracle if I can whip it up before Game of Thrones starts up – back in a bit.)..

Yeah, yeah, we NORMALLY do our Saturday Evening Post about the swingin’ Swery65 Bar, but I just got an URGENT call followed by an email from Greenvale’s own Sheriff George Woodman, who’s a bit pissed off at me. OK, he’s REALLY pissed off at me and he’s probably got a good reason for that. Hey, I’m just trying to make these updates as entertaining as possible, so I tend to stretch the truth a little. Anyway, he’s mad because I’ve been portraying him as a bad-ass apple practical joker who’s mean, cranky and always going after FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York!) in some not so good ways. Anyway, George wants you to know that he’s a really nice guy and has a VERY sensitive side few get to see because he’s SUPPOSED to be a tough no-nonsense sheriff and isn’t supposed to be a super “nice” guy when he’s ON the job. Anyway, a few more things about George you should know (according to him):

To all the single ladies in the house, he likes long walks on the beach, classical music and fine dining (despite Greenvale not having a beach or wine being served at the A&G Diner where he can be found nearly every day – those home fries are killer!). George also writes the occasional poem or song and, hey… he even sent along an email with some sample lyrics from something he’s done recently to show he’s got a good sense of humor about himself:

Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice
Cause I speak of the pompat…

HEY, wait a minute there! Those are the opening lines from that classic rock song The Joker by the Steve Miller Band! Damn you George… you almost got me, too. Hmmm. I just got another email from him with a picture – he’s giving me the finger and sticking his tongue out in it. Yeah, he’s a TOTAL jerk after all, folks…

Still, don’t let that stop you one bit from pre-ordering your own copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Featuring updated visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content and more, you’ll absolutely love the game for the stuff outside of Woodman’s little power plays for your undivided attention. I think he’s just ticked off that York is getting more attention than he ever has. Personally, I really do think there’s something wrong with the guy, (but don’t you DARE tell him I said that as I think he’s got quite a mean streak)…

Still, I guess it was fine working for a famous big shot Game Director like Swery 65 (shown here with another famous big shot game director, Suda 51), as I can’t recall ANY reports of on-set problems while the game was being made. Sure, a few makeup and catering people went missing (and have never been found), but you know how it is in this business with a high turnover rate among certain types of low-level employees, right? Hmmm… maybe I should do some more digging on this Woodman character, as York seems like he’s a bit tied up with that Red Seeds Killer case and I think he could use some assurance that ol’ George isn’t a suspect…

It’s Friday in Greenvale and it’s been a long, long week for Emily, York and George as they’ve been dealing with the rather annoying Red Seeds Killer and his murderous ways. You can’t have a successful tourism business if people who show up in town never leave. Granted, you DO get friends and relatives from other areas coming in for funerals or to claim the remains, but that’s not what your otherwise sleepy town needs to be known for, I’d gather. Anyway, in this screen, Emily is looking forward to getting home and out of that uniform into a hot bath with a good book and a glass of wine. York is looking forward to getting to the bottom of this damn case and putting the killer (or killers) behind bars or in a nondescript pine box. And George? Well, he’s looking forward to when York gets back to his hotel room and finds out he’s had a KICK KILL ME sign taped to the back of his jacket all day. If this were a sitcom, that scene would play out something like this:

Interior: YORK’S motel room, Greenvale.
YORK comes in, shuts door and takes of jacket. Hanging it on the door he sees the taped on sign George put there that morning when he slapped him on the back.

YORK (pulls sign off jacket, looks at it, makes a face and shakes his fist at the jacket hanging on the door): “Woodman!” (cue laugh track)…

Oh, that George! What a cut-up…

Of course, you can make sure you keep a good eye on George Woodman and his antics when you pick up a copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Updated HD visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, an all-new scenario and more will all help you make sure Woodman’s less of a pest than he normally is. Then again, I’m betting you won’t care much about what George is trying to put ON your back than you will be about the Red Seeds Killer trying to put IN your back. Paying attention to the big picture means a lot more living to look forward to, I’d say.

And of course, Game Director Swery 65 is DEFINITELY looking forward to all of you enjoying his game or not enjoying it, then debating with DP fans about what makes it so great. I’d say the fans of this one will outnumber the haters, who will be squeaking away like mice about holes in their cheese as everyone else is enjoying the ride. And playing the game all over again once they’re done.  I say we should all make him a happy guy, as happy guys who make games make more good games afterward…

So, FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York) has a keen eye for intriguing and functional architecture, it seems. Given that Greenvale is a pretty scenic little sleepy town (and a bit of a tourist hotspot lately), you’d think he’d fall more in love with the gorgeous landscape including all those big trees and clean air. But, nope – he falls head over heels for a certain official-looking building in town… and you won’t believe which one (even though I gave it away – oops). Granted, it’s probably close to his heart because it’s related to his type of employment, but still, who wants to take their work home with them ALL the time. OK, granted he’s got a lot to take care of in town what with the Red Seeds Killer doing his thing and all, but I’d not even want to know what that special person in his life thinks of his obsession. Hmmm… then again, the special person in York’s life is is imaginary friend, Zach… but we won’t talk about that now. You’ll just need to see that for yourself…

And guess what, folks? You can do exactly that if you grab a copy of Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut, coming exclusively to the PlayStation 3 on April 30, 2013. Updated HD visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, an all-new scenario and more await your own appreciation. You may not know about art at all, but you should know what you like, I say. Even if it scares the hell out you most of the time you’re playing it. But you LOVE being scared, correct? Well, that’s what it says on your social network profiles. I’ve been reading alllllllll about you lately. You should appreciate that, too…

Speaking os appreciation, by the way, you buying this game and telling a friend or three would make Game Director Swery65 REALLY happy. If you ask me, I’d say that he’s sure to make a name for himself here in the US with his hot little interactive horror story and you can most certainly help out by snapping up a copy as soon as you see it at your favorite game emporium. I think he’s really on to something with this scary stuff, folks…