“At the Edge”…of your seats, that is. Get it? Get it? A ha ha. I’m on a roll with mustard tonight (and a wee bit too much cheese, I admit). Or I forgot to eat, am quite delirious and about to keel over in this absolutely BLAZING summer heat. Eh, I ate a bit earlier, kids, so stop baking those cookies and pies (for now)… I’m going to sleep now anyway, as I need to crawl out of bed and boogie on downtown to see some cool tech at CE Week. I don’t think there will be Jaegers there, but if there are, I’ll let you know at some point. I hope to hell those machines are very well air-conditioned!
And by “Them”, I mean YOU out there watching all these Pacific Rim trailers and such and chomping at the bit for July 12 to wash up sooner than it should. Yeah, Warner Bros. Pictures hears you and sees you and is right behind you all the way (which is a bit awkward when you’re trying to use the restroom, um… a little privacy, here?). Anyway, let’s hope those monsters don’t pop up while you’re all in that movie theater on day one, as they’ll most likely be stomping your way and all you’ll have to battle them are a few tubs of greasy movie popcorn and a bucket-sized soda. Then again, all you need to do is mix them together, toss a couple of those dynamite shaped hot dogs in the mix with a plate of nachos, light a match and there goes trouble… and that multiplex, too. Oops…
Jeah, jeah, I know it’s Jägermeister and NOT “Jaegermeister”, folks (oh boy, do I know the difference… but I don’t do that anymore, so perhaps I’ve thankfully forgotten?)… just roll with it, mmm’kay? Anyway, another nice and loving look at the heavy metal thunder about to roll into theaters soon in Pacific Rim. I must say that WB has a nice lineup of sci-fi/fantasy flicks this year between this, the just opened to positive press Man of Steel and the upcoming sequel The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Of course, I’ll be camped out at home with the video versions as well once all are released, as this seems to be the best way to see any new movie to get the full story and way too much behind the scenes info at one’s leisure and NO crazy people yelling at the screen like they’re on a damned talk or reality show set on a roller coaster. Bleh…
… But you should also add a bit of protein as well. Lizard chunks make a tasty addition to any meal, folks. Just cook them at the proper temperature, watch that sodium and remember, portion control is key. TIP: Using a smaller plate gives you the illusion of a larger meal. Add a small salad to your lunch or dinner and eat it first to become more full and avoid the trap of heavier fatty foods as filler. Er, OK, OK… I really have nothing else to say about this upcoming movie except for if it’s terrible I’ll be really disappointed. Well, I’ll still catch it on cable a few too many times just to check out the mechs and monsters, but yeah, if it tanks, it’s a shame for all that hard work and tons of money spent creating all this lovely wreckage…
So, I’m not hanging out in Los Angeles for this year’s E3 and its series of wild post show parties and such, but if I were going, I’d make sure to hang around until the 14th just to catch Man of Steel at whatever big theater it was opening at. I haven’t done that premiere thing since Star Wars: Episode One – The Phantom Menace opened and I got to see it at a ridiculously crowded midnight showing (the only time we could get tickets). Anyway, based on the power of their ads alone, both The Man of Steel and Pacific Rim are certainly going to be a hell of a lot better than Episode One was on a few fronts.
Wait…What? You mean they didn’t build ACTUAL working robots for Pacific Rim? Man, whadda gyp!! Well, not really, but given that the animation is done with no motion capture at all, these big metal behemoths have weight to them when they move and don’t look like a stuntman going through his paces (and too fluidly, at that). Hey, imagine the action figures for this flick and how HUGE they’re going to be? How huge you ask? Well, silly… what’s the title of that video again? Yeah, that’s right – OVERSIZED ROBOT SETS. I’ll take a dozen, thank you much. And just what do you get the man who has everything? A bigger closet!
Man of Steel TV Spot #7, meet Pacific Rim TV Spot # 2. Now shake hands and come out fighting for those summer box office bucks. Even better, go beat the stuffing out of something big and evil. Hmmm… Seeing both of these trailers together almost makes me think of the odd power Warner Bros. films have had over the decades. I can recall seeing many trailers either on TV (while watching TCM, primarily) or in theaters throughout the years where I’d nod when I saw that logo because I knew I’d be in for an entertaining two hours or so. Of course, I could say that about MGM, RKO, Universal, Paramount and other studios living and dead, but right now… I’m in a WB mood.
Hmm… must have been that carrot juice I had with the pulled pork and roast duck sandwich. Five points if you get my lame joke…
You know, if we DID have big ol’ clanky fight-bots stomping around like in Pacific Rim, you know you’d see far too many kids dolling themselves up with cardboard boxes, paint and tinfoil so they could look like their favorite heavy metal heroes. Of course, these days, it’s a bunch of middle-aged men and aging hipsters with access to 3D printers and far too much time on their hands trying to relive those Gigantor fantasies. Of course, Guillermo Del Toro gets a major pass because he can afford to build a real robot if he wanted to.. or at least have a CG effects team make it LOOK as if he’s kicking station wagons around in that mall parking lot making room so he can pick up a quart of organic goat milk. Yeah, I laugh at them (and quite a lot)… but that’s because I’m just too darn busy to make my own big cardboard robot suit. One day… one day…
Can you imagine the insanely higher insurance premiums in the future if we DO end up with giant robots, big sea monsters and all sorts of unplanned property damage that comes from them duking it out on the streets of any major (or minor) city? Well, considering that we probably don’t have flying cars because of the potential for humans causing MORE damage than any giant monster (although, all that texting/doing makeup/eating/et cetera while flying will clean up the gene pool rather quickly), this is probably a blessing in disguise or something.
Yes, ladies and gents… just forget about applying ANY rules of reality or actual science to these films (I mean, who in their right minds goes to a science FICTION film to complain about the SCIENCE afterwards anyway?). In reality, unless those robots were made of super-light materials (yet could still back a punch) your heroes and those monsters would go tumbling into the huge hole they created when they tried to walk on some of those tunnel-filled streets certain cities have. Well, maybe they’d do better in Vegas, what with that desert nearby and no big sewer system or subway to worry about crushing tourists and citizens in…
Anyway, just sit back, try not to go into a sugar and salt-induced coma from that half-gallon of soda and way too salty and greasy popcorn (that’s NOT butter on it, by the way – butter isn’t highly combustible or that overly golden orange in color, last I checked) and enjoy the show. Or not, if you’re worried about some big wet foot stomping on the theater while you’re watching this epic… eek.
OK, I’m tired from only getting about three hours of sleep before the Capcom event I came from not too long ago, so my I left my Giant Robot Pun Drive (Model 2.5!) in the freezer next to some ground bison. Oops. Anyway, Guiilermo Del Toro’s upcoming sci-fi flick, Pacific Rim is making fans of some anime robots cranky because his live action and CGI blend is making them want to see their favorite shows get this treatment. Granted, the director is paying homage to all those old to recent shows while carving his own path in giant robot history, so I say take this in and enjoy it on its merits as opposed to knocking it for “copying” other works. I think some of the naysayers will be surprised and impressed at this one once they clam up and enjoy the ride…
"DESTROY ALL FANBOYS!" 