Oh, you just KNOW this robot is going to be bad news, particularly if you’ve seen Alien and know how off the wall Ash turned out. This latest viral ad for Prometheus cracked me up because it’s so unsettling you hope that no one is working on anything this potentially psychotic in the field of robotics. Hey, what can go wrong with a machine that feels no emotion (and tells you this, no less), yet can cry on cue so it looks as if it can? 43 days and counting, folks…
OK, big deal. So you survived your significant other dressing up as the Black Widow and pounding you with a wooden chair while on the phone with her mom, (good thing you landed on your hard head, right?), but I don’t think you’re going to last long in Round Two. I’m just saying.. (Aflaaaaaaac!)
Hah! There are probably a few too many guys out there who WANT to get beat up like this by Ms. Scarlett. I’m not one of them, though (hey, I bruise easily and don’t do my own stunts!). I’m sure we’ll see some dopey YouTube video of someone trying this for real (ouch!), but I won’t be watching that particular pain-fest at all. Remember, kids – movies are movies… reality bites back hard! But of course, you’re not listening – it’s time to make that video, right? Before you break out that camera and chair and get your gal to doll up in a skin-tight outfit, you may as well check out the latest TV commercial for the upcoming film as well…
Confession: I’m one of those few who didn’t think the Verhoeven original was exactly a “classic” (the tri-boobed Martian hooker, excessive violence and hilarious Swazenegger one liners aside, it’s always been a weird flick to enjoy for me), so I had zero hopes for this reboot. Turns out I’m wrong again, as it looks pretty decent so far. Well, in a Fifth Element meets Minority Report kind of way. Like most of these blockbusters, I probably won’t spend a dime to see it in a theater unless it’s for a subway trip I get premiere tickets to. I can wait for the cable debut for anything these days (well, except Prometheus – that BEGS to be seen on a huge screen). Anyway, I like Colin Farell a lot as an actor, Bryan Cranston? Yup, awesome (Breaking Bad is a killer show any day of the week). The ladies? Well with Jessica Biel AND Kate Beckinsdale in this (AND fighting each other), it’ll be a fanboy’s dream flick. Me, I’m in it for the story, which I HOPE is closer to the Philip K. Dick source material. As usual (repeat after me, kids): We. Shall. See…
To be frank, I stopped counting (and watching) Wrath of the Titans ads when they jumped from 14 to 27 different ones or so in less than a day on YouTube, but this reboot/remake of the hilariously campy yet compelling dramatic modern Gothic soap opera (say THAT three times fast) actually looks as it’s going to be worth the ticket price. Tale that stake to the heart, you glowy teenage “vampires”, grrrr!!! Of course, my OWN dream project for Mr. Depp is for he and Tim Burton to get cracking on remakes of both Dr. Phibes films with perhaps a third film to make it a trilogy. Granted, I’m sure both guys would prefer a one-shot, one film deal that crams both stories into one extended movie over a sequel (or sequels) that demand geometrically increasing box-office tallies for each one made. Anyway, let me switch off my wishful thinking meter before I start going into Mega Millions mode…
Have there ever been THIS many different commercials for a fantasy film pre-release? Add in all the DVD-style featurettes about the different creatures and you’re looking at a pretty packed DVD/Blu-Ray edition in what, eight months or so? Talk about overkill, WB!. Anyway, no, I haven’t yet seen John Carter, but in talking to a few folks who have, it’s a divided nation indeed. Most actually liked what they paid to see and some have even read the original stories, so at LEAST they have context and can respect the film for what it is (unlike some bash-friendly folk that have been going after the film since it was announced).
As for Wrath? I’m not planning to pay to see it, but if I get a screening invite, I will write a fair review. I thought the first one was kind of OK (a bit heavy on the CG, but what can you do) and even though I respect Ray Harryhausen a HUGE amount, his best work on the original was the still scary Medusa sequence. Yes, as noted, this one is darker and grimmer, but these days, that’s nearly every sequel going for the throat with as many effects shots as they can get in while still having actual actors yell out a few lines in close up. The more interesting thing here is there’s no video game tie-in, which is only mildly shocking… unless you played Clash of the Titans, which was a great guilty pleasure more than a spectacular game experience…
When I first heard about this flick, I very seriously thought it was a total joke. But nope, it’s real and coming sooner than some history buffs would prefer. OK, I’m not up on EVERY oddball comic or popular novel that gets turned into a major (or minor) motion picture, but hey, I’m too busy playing games and writing about them in some form to absorb a bigger pop cultchah fix like I used to. Speaking of pop culture fixes… I’m really not sure whyThe Hunger Games is getting all this hype when the incredible Battle Royale did it better and more brutally (as in content that was clearly NOT for teens in a nationwide school reading program). Hell, I’d even take a mean and disturbing film version of the ancient Stephen King story The Long Walk over Games’ over-sauced promotional campaign that puts too much emphasis on the wrong elements instead of where it counts.
Yeah, yeah, I’m a total buzz-killer, aren’t I? But hear me out for a bit as I plant my tongue firmly in cheek and “rant” on a bit. You just KNOW that ten to twenty years from now, this damn film will be seen as actual FACT by those short attention span theater kids raised way too dumb to crack open a REAL book. Hell, you won’t even be able to argue a point in favor of the truth because they’ll even have cinematic proof of their own thanks to a few other “documentaries” about past US presidents doing double duty as supernatural slayers. You DID know that FDR got polio from a werewolf and JFK gave Elvis an assist in killing off some evil mummy, right? Laugh now, but If you’ve got young kids at home, I bet they’ll be learning this crap straight from the cloud through through their iPad XXXII implants… OK, let me get my creaky old ass to bed before I get depressed and head for the nearest window instead…
More glorious sneak peeks at the upcoming Ridley Scott film plus a link to what looks like the official website. Lovely and a lot of Hmmm, here: It seems that some folks dinking about on the internet still don’t get that this isn’t an Alien “remake” at all or a “direct prequel” to the 1979 film, but I’ll worry less about that crowd unless they stupidly decide that Ridley isn’t worth their idea of “respect” because he’s doing something they can’t easily digest thanks to their own ignorance. And so it goes, I guess (but I really, REALLY wish people were smarter these days. or at least didn’t waste so much time being wrong)…
I got that header quote in an email about the trailer and got a nice chuckle before i went into common sense correction mode. It’s not as if those brief snippets of tease-y galore not seen in the US trailers are going to be cut from the film here. Still, it’s nice to see more bits and pieces of the film and how super it all looks, although I have one gripe that bugs me about almost every recent comic book flick. How come we get to see some heroes without their masks in public acting like it’s no big deal that they’re revealing their true identities? Go watch Spider-Man 2 and 3 for the worst examples of this silliness.
Anyway, I’m pleased as punch otherwise. Hell, I’ll even accept Sam Jackson as Nick Fury after holding out for so long. He sure makes a better Fury than David “Hamburgular” Hasselhoff did, that’s for damn sure…
These are actually pretty cool, but it’s too bad they’re ONLY available as collectible 3D glasses and not higher quality real prescription frames, So, how do you snag a pair of these darlings, you ask? Well according to the press release:
“Beginning in April, fans at will be able to collect these limited edition RealD 3D glasses at special events, fan screenings and via upcoming online giveaways. THE AVENGERS RealD 3D glasses will also be available at select AMC Theatres, National Amusement Theatres and independent theatres throughout the U.S. beginning as early as midnight on May 3rd.”
Hmmm… I’d bet my shirt some of you out there would pay good money to be walking down the street in those official Iron Man, Captain America, Thor or Hulk specs and be able to actually see where you’re going, right? And, hey – where are the ladies’ glasses? I’d bet a pair of snazzy Black Widow frames would be a must-have for the guys and gals alike…
"DESTROY ALL FANBOYS!" 