Mr. Peabody & Sherman Turkey Day Poster Stuffed Full Of Self-Fulfilling Prophecy…

Posted on November 27, 2013 by geelw

Yeah, I’d be canning whomever thought up this poster like a bunch of cranberries, as my cartoon nostalgia sense tells me that this one will be dead on arrival after the first weekend at best. This turkey is planning to gobble up box office dollars while neglecting the fact that the original shorts worked perfectly because they clocked in at about five minutes and weren’t padded out with needless stuff that’s only going to appeal to folks who’ve never seen an episode of the Bullwinkle cartoons they came from. Ah well… I guess I should just shut the heck up and surrender, huh?

FINE. But not without a fight:

(thanks, bullwinklecanada!)

When I saw the trailer for the new CG flick the first time, I didn’t laugh at all, and seeing it again recently made me more annoyed than ever. But whatever, right? It’ll be “fun” for the kids that don’t care at all about history and nostalgia, that’s for sure. On the other hand… when the adults in the theater are groaning at the end like the ones behind me who hadn’t seen the trailer until then, I’m gathering Dreamworks will be wishing for their very own time machine so they can go back and erase this project from their books. Yuk.

ELYSIUM Headed to Blu-Ray/DVD December 17. You Forgot ALL About This One, Right?

Posted on November 26, 2013 by geelw

Okay, okay… so I almost did, thanks to the huge flood of movies rolling into theaters this year and some other distractions major and minor (alright… it was too many games, mostly). Anyway, at least Neill Blomkamp’s sci-fi epic took longer to hit home video than other flicks that came out, disappeared faster and sprung up on discs sooner. Yeah, I liked District 9 a lot and Blomkamp’s visual stule, so I’ll be snapping this up at some point. I rarely take the reviews of others into consideration because I’m old and cranky enough to know some people who review films and games approach them from a completely incorrect perspective, but you can’t stop them from presenting their opinions no matter how wrong-headed they are. Anyway, I’m looking forward to finally checking this out without any hootin’ and a’hollerin’ from the peanut gallery as well as seeing what this very talented director has up his sleeves for a next project…

Noah Trailer: Saving Up For Those Rainy Daze…

Posted on November 23, 2013 by geelw

Somewhere, Cecil B. DeMille is stomping around in knee-length leather boots and aviator pants yelling into his megaphone at this trailer. I can see him saying something like “There needs to be a ten commandments of movie-making!” or something similarly snarky. I may catch this on cable at some point, but spending my hard earned money on a movie like this is out of the question for me. Well, it should be entertaining and thankfully, wasn’t advertised as “based on”, “inspired by” or “from the incredible” true story or anything close to that. But hey, between the action movie music in the trailer, the expensive CGI effects and a cast of actors all looking worried or pissed off or hopeful at the right moments, I guess this will rake in the bucks no matter what the biblical scholars and fundamentalists have to say. I certainly wouldn’t want to be in between that particular rock and hard place, that’s for darn sure…

Need For Speed Trailer #2: Road Rage, Revisited…

Posted on November 23, 2013 by geelw

Well, given that this one’s headed at full speed towards being either a mega-hit or a mega-bomb, it’s at least nice to see all the actors throwing themselves into their parts as much as those CGI cars are throwing themselves across the screen. Granted, I’m betting people aren’t going to be seeing this for the “acting” all that much, as it seems the car body count will be high enough to keep them more distracted than any great thespian action going on. Of course, the laws of physics are being broken to hell in this one in the same manner it’s busted up in other popular car carnage flicks. But heck, if you’re expecting total “realism” as a fan of the video games this flick is based on, you probably still have a 3DO plugged in and on top of your old analog TV. Hey, I liked that first NFS game back in the day too…

Robocop Trailer #2: “He Has a Program. He’s Product!”

Posted on November 7, 2013 by geelw

Well, here it is, folks – the new RoboCop trailer in all its glory. For me, the jury is still out as the film LOOKS good (in that “we used a LOT of CG!” manner) and it definitely shakes up the original’s origin story significantly in terms of how Murphy gets his metal suit and why it’s now black in the new flick.

On the other hand, it also shares that very similar (and yes, slightly long in the tooth) thematic stuff many of these sci-fi remakes are afflicted with where it’s one man (or many) against the evil, rotten corporate scum who don’t give a rat’s ass about the little people. Cue dramatic music, explosions and bodies falling off stuff. But in PG-13 instead of R-rated violence because that gets more asses in the seats at the end of the day. That and yup, expect this to clock in at under two hours because less time means more showings per day as well. Any bonus footage is coming in the “Unrated” home video version, I’d bet you a hot nickel… Continue reading →

Mr. Peabody & Sherman Trailer: Wards of the State, Juvenile Delinquent Version…

Posted on October 25, 2013 by geelw

Urgh. OK, I think I asked this question before, but just WHO is this film targeted to? Us cranky ass oldsters who grew up watching Rocky & Bullwinkle, Fractured Fairy Tales and yes, these two characters are grinding our collective teeth about this CG travesty, the kids of today won’t have a C-L-U-E what the heck this is about other than the usual dumbed down predictable plot that lasts and hour and half and has pop songs packed in and the obligatory fake outtakes in the credits. Parents not in the know about Jay Ward and his creations (and style of humor) will of course, dutifully pack up the tots and trundle in to see this, buy the toys and other merchandise and thing all is peachy keen and as harmless as a stuffed poodle.

Me, I’ll be hitting my head with a hammer and hoping at least one or two critics point out that the Peabody segments were excellent because they worked best as unconnected shorts that were over and done with in a few minutes. Stretching things to feature length and adding needless stuff and worse modern jokes is only bleeding any chance for redemption from this one dry in record time. I didn’t even crack a smile during this trailer and that’s a bad sign because my sense of humor is pretty off the wall and expansive. Hey, I could be totally wrong, people… but it’s not a good sign in this day and age of movie trailers coughing up all the best parts of a movie in that two minutes or so. Hmmm… we shall see, I suppose…

Captain America: The Winter Soldier UK Trailer: Springing Into Next Spring All Over The Place…

Posted on October 24, 2013 by geelw

Hey, Robert Redford is in this movie. Wait, what? Well… I guess that’s going to be interesting to some people who might not otherwise care, but I guess he needed some company and explosions as stuff after spending all that time alone on a busted boat on the open sea. Well, he’s got plenty of friends in this superhero flick (although it doesn’t look as he’s going to be sporting a fancy cape and boots or driving a sports car off the roof of a high rise here) set to hit theaters in North America on April 4, 2014. I see that this comes out in the UK a week earlier, but I’ll have to look up if this is coming out in Chinese-speaking territories at all and what the date would be. The number 4 isn’t actually a good number there, so I’d imagine both that date and title would get a big change to something more audience friendly. I suggest “U.S. Man, You Owe US A Lot of Debt, Too: Stop Making Such Expensive Movies!” or something shorter, but Marvel won’t like that at all. Not one bit.

And yeah, I can smell the laser-eyed death threats from the crankier and more humorless fans who take these movies far too seriously already. Well, those who didn’t follow that Comic-Con advice about showering before the show each day… Bleargh. Well, I got my soap cannons ready, so come and get it… Just remember to bring your own washcloth and towel.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier Poster (Or, It’s Not Winter In April, You Know!)

Posted on October 22, 2013 by geelw

Ah ha ha, but that’s what I immediately thought when I saw that 4.4.14 release date. Ah, Hollywood… trying so hard to be clever when I’m all that much funnier than you are. Oh, you’ll learn one day, I suppose. Well, I guess releasing this in the winter might be a bad idea, as one can’t go to the cinema with eight feet of snow on the ground. On the other hand, even if they did release it and there was no snow on the ground, I currently have NO movie theater around here to go to (bough-hough!) until that nasty asbestos issue is taken care of. Hmmmm. maybe I can find someone to sue for that problem, although I haven’t been to that particular theater in ages and I’m not one for randomly suing people or getting caught up in a class action suit. Besides, I’d probably win popcorn and soda for life (which, given that’s in either these days means that “life” would be cut short by salt, fat, artificial flavors and colors galore. Yum!)…

Hercules: The Legend Begins Trailer: From Spartan Beginnings…

Posted on October 14, 2013 by geelw

So, Renny Harlin is finally back in the director’s seat on a big-budget film… but doing what looks like a mash-up of 300 and every other film or TV show that was “influenced” by Zack Snyder’s comic-book inspired mini-epic. *Sigh.* Sure, it’s a hell of a lot better than seeing Lou Ferrigno punch a bear into space (and turn it into Ursa Major!) or listening to some of that wretched dialog from those old 60’s Hercules flicks (To wit: “She’s in MY house now, Hercules, and I’m going to celebrate… by GOING THERE!”). On the other hand, if this film is as by the numbers as it looks, I’ll settle for a complete series DVD of that ancient The Mighty Hercules cartoon from the 60’s. Hey, a little Johnny Nash goes a loooooong way. Probably way past Ursa Major at least…

Need For Speed Trailer: Put it in “Park”, Pinkman…

Posted on September 25, 2013 by geelw

(thanks, joblomovienetwork!)

Oh, this is going to hurt, but here goes. We really do NOT need… a Need for Speed movie. Seriously. Aaron Paul may be a hot star thanks to Breaking Bad, but this soon to tank out effects-filled gasser isn’t going to gain him any fans unless they’re too young to watch him as Jesse but right in the clutches of this upcoming car flick. Not that it’s supposed to be a big thing to see an actor come off such a huge TV show ride as BB and make the leap to Oscar bait right away, mind you. I predict this will do well on opening weekend if there’s no Fast and the Furious flick rolling out at the same time, but anyone lining up looking for character depth may as well play Need for Speed: The Run, which was EA’s attempt at making a racing game play like a movie… and it didn’t work all that well despite the best of intentions. I’d laugh if there were a game tie-in on a console (I can definitely see a cheap app popping up, though) at some point next year. We gamers don’t have THAT short a memory (well, I sure don’t)…

Oh well, I’ll shut up now with my predictions and let this one find its level. If it’s in YOUR wheelhouse, enjoy the show. Me, I’ll hold out for the cable premiere and kick myself later if I was incorrect in my forecasting…