Pompeii | "DESTROY ALL FANBOYS!"

Yeah, this film is going to be a disaster of an epic scale, but yeah, people will go see it because it’s got a hunk in the lead and it’s basically Titanic but no one gets out alive. Um, hopefully. I have the feeling that somehow, someone will make it out alive. Hey, think like a Hollywood writer looking to make the best of any tragedy: history says everyone died there, but what happens if there were people who were just out of range of the doomed city who saw it all go down? Yuck. Anyway, my Friday blew. I got nothing done thanks to some SLOOOW as hell wi-fi. How slow? Even though the connections was “Excellent” (so sayeth my computer via pop-up message as I glare at that stupid little box and want to strangle it), I was stuck at the startling and less than adequate speed of 11.0 kbps, BOO. Anyway, tomorrow is another day, I guess. I need to fly out of here early to mail off a big box of books, so I’ll be trying to get in some updates and posts as soon as possible, as there’s a LOT going on in my inbox.

OK, I’ll admit it. I sometimes get Paul W.S. Anderson, Wes Anderson and P.T. Anderson ALL kinds of mixed up (and I bet you do as well), so when I first saw the name of this film I thought it was one of the latter two director’s works that had nothing to do with the historical disaster and everything to do with well-made, quirky masterpieces worth seeing and dragging a few skeptical friends who end up charmed and convinced. But, nope – it’s just the director of those hugely popular (well, among some horror genre and video game fans) Resident Evil films (well, most of them) doing his take on a historical drama with probably a romance and action angle. Hmmm. This is a bit problematic for me, as of late I totally despise these sorts of films that take actual events and add all sorts of “What if?” or “Let’s suppose…” and have some viewers sitting there and actually BELIEVING what’s on screen is what took place.

OK, Titanic got a pass for the most part because of Cameron’s obsession to every detail (I never liked the love story part of it at all – I went to see those expensive CG effects and walked out pleased for the most part) and there were/are other dramas I’ve appreciated for certain performances or directors. But retelling Pompeii on film (AGAIN) seems like a really dead end because no one survived as far as I can recall unless they weren’t in the area or somehow managed to escape a COMPLETELY unexpected volcanic eruption (they didn’t have the Weather Channel back then, kids!). So… yeah, this is one I won’t pay to see (no matter who directs it), but I may fall down in front of the TV around December 2014 or January 2015 when this pops up as a temporary cable staple. Hey, maybe if this does well, Anderson can direct a action/romance/drama flick about the Great Chicago Fire or that absolutely hi-larious San Francisco earthquake from the last century! Yeesh.

Oh well, the Game of Thrones fans will flock in if the film is good (or if it’s not) just for Kit Harrington. Me, I separate actors I like by the parts they play, so this one’s very low on the totem pole…