You have to admire Crytek’s chutzpah here, as Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon isn’t even pretending to be original or in fact a “great” game. Of course, you absolutely need to be well-versed in the 80’s action flick cheese it makes fun of (but with super-colorful visuals that won’t run on a low-end gaming PC, of course – this IS a Crytek game after all). The good thing is this one flies into digital release at a cheap-ass price point and those who get what’s here will be chuckling along merrily. Those who don’t will wonder what the hell the fuss is about, but I say just go watch a few awful to decent macho action stuff from that era and you’ll get the point of this gem. Duke Nukem is probably very pissed of right about now…

It’s actually pretty darn cool that Ubisoft has tapped Michael Biehn to voice lead character Rex “Power” Colt in its intentionally campy send-up of way too many dopey (but awesome in their dopiness) 80’s action flicks, but I’ve had a burning question I’ve wanted to ask the actor ever since I saw The Terminator at the movies back when it was initially released. It’s bugged the HELL out of me that fresh through that time portal, a naked Kyle Reese gets his only pair of pants off a drunken homeless guy in an alley (Yuk!) and wears them throughout the entire film (Blech!), doesn’t go near a shower like he should (Ick!) but STILL gets it on with Sarah Conner (Nooooo!). That’s always made my skin crawl more than Arnold (well, his mechanical dummy head) doing “surgery” on himself by poking his own eyeball out with an X-Acto knife in that hotel scene. I guess Sarah had some pretty low standards and no sense of smell. Then again, SHE got to bathe when they got to the Tiki Motel – all Kyle did was buy stuff to make explosives.

Hey, I’m a continuity junkie, folks… I notice stuff like this in every movie I see. Hmmm… then again, maybe I’ll take this issue up with James Cameron. What’s his number again?