Hoo boy. Sometimes, I’ll see an article that criticizes certain types of genres of Japanese games for being too sexist or exploitative or out of touch with or whatever and I usually chuckle because often the game or games in question have zero chance of arriving here because of that content. Of course, of the games that do make it over with saucy scenes or imagery that may offend, some of the content is altered or snipped out completely so as to appeal to more puritanical American tastes. Granted, this sort of censorship offends fans of imports arriving unsullied and over time, some game companies has slowly allowed much of the silliness to slip in in various states. Well, Yakuza 4 and its in-context Geisha club antics and the Ar tonelico series’ eyebrow-raising “Dive Station” mind dating elements (trust me, it’s weirder than it sounds) have nothing (and I mean no-thing) on what’s going on in Xseed Games’ upcoming Vita exclusive, Valhalla Knights 3.

That trailer above doesn’t show anything outrageous – it’s below the jump, you pervs (and a link at that!)…

I’ve played all the previous VK games save for the Japan-only Battle Stance, and none of them were anything like this Japanese trailer for the game (it’s kind of hilariously NSFW, so turn the volume down and throw a coat over that monitor or else). I seriously through this was a gag video posted by some really clever fan, but nope. The other games in the series were either reliably sedate grind-fests (the PSP games) or open world grind-fests with a faux MMO feel (well, that Wii game had an online mode, but you know… it was on the Wii so not too many played online AND the game limited the player count and didn’t feel like a traditional MMO). Anyway, this sexytime stuff is so… weird and for me, out of place for the franchise that it comes off as a desperation move… that just might make it a hot seller here (go figure).

Yeah, well… I’ll play it because I have to review it, but even Dragon’s Crown with it’s bouncy heroines shifting some gorgeously dynamic stylized curves around the screen is like Candy Land compared to tickling and poking at some anime hottie so she’ll get a case of the shifty giggles and join your party. Granted, I’m no prude at all, nor a hypocrite (much). I’m just hoping that the main game is really good and the visits to the virtual Green Door hothouse aren’t 100 percent necessary to drive whatever plot is here. Oh well… should I play this outdoors, I’ll just let some random lady about to whomp me on the noggin with a loaded purse play those mini-games instead. She might enjoy that tickly-poky stuff more than I do…