Hmm. As you can see from the screenshot above, Greenvale’s deadly Red Seeds Killer isn’t exactly handling his axe with respect. This is a bit disappointing for a few reasons, but especially annoying to his future potential victims. ANYONE knows that if you’re going to lose your head (and not from blowing your top, mind you), you certainly don’t want it lopped off with a nasty, dull axe. To avoid future errors (and I do hope you’re reading this post, Mr. Killer), I’ve decided to use the Internet to help you out a bit:

Correct Axe Use

1. A tool of the wrong weight or size is dangerous. The axe should be an appropriate type and size (head weight, haft length) for the job and for the user’s body size and skill level
2. Warming the axe head before use in very cold weather may prevent blade chips
3. Driving the axe into the ground will dull it and chip the bit (sharpened edge) – Use a chopping block
4. Avoid glancing blows, overstrikes, and understrikes as these are apt to damage the tool (and the user!)

Proper Axe Storage

1. Do not leave an axe laying on the ground
2. Keep the axe in a dry place, preferably in a shed where porcupines can’t gnaw the handle
3. For the sake of conservation, do not store an axe by driving it into a live tree
4. An axe may be stored temporarily by driving it into the chopping block (preferably in such a way that nobody will walk into the handle)
5. Keep the head lightly oiled when not in use to prevent rust
6. For safety (and to keep the blade sharp!) mask the blade when the axe is not in use

From Suite101: How To Maintain an Axe by Thomas Alan Gray

There, I feel MUCH better. As for YOU dear reader, it’s time to put your How To Get Away From That Killer With The Very Well-Cared For Axe skills to the test in Rising Star Games’ upcoming PlayStation 3 exclusive, Deadly Premonition: The Director’s Cut. Featuring upgraded HD visuals, PlayStation Move and 3D TV support, new content and more, you’ll hop into the suit and shoes of FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (just call him York) as you attempt to solve the messy murder mystery of the aforementioned Red Seeds Killer (and hopefully, his better cared for axe). April 30, 2013 isn’t too far away you know, so I’m recommending a bit of cardio and at LEAST a mile of running a day. And that’s a minimum recommendation, as I’m betting our killer is doing a bit more working out now that I’ve got an eye on how he’s been taking care of his tools.

Granted, Game Director Swery65 SHOULD have been noticing that axe getting dragged about like that would mean it was going to be less effective, but he was going for effect over realism and yes, an axe being dragged on that stone flooring does make for a pretty scary image. Not to mention the nails on a chalkboard sound effect with a few bumps and dings for good measure. Hell, I’d go hide in the closet now, but I’m sitting in the local library typing this, safe from Mr. Killer unless he’s going to beat me to death quietly with an encyclopedia.