I guess a post title like “In Case Of Emergency, BREAK GLASS. Slash Wrists With GLASS” is too extreme, huh? Anyway, the film is doing as I thought, as in fine with most horror fans and OK to so-so with critics who don’t quite see what the fuss is about or worse, go in with Cabin in the Woods expectations. Whatever. I didn’t like Cabin that much (despite it doing some fun things with the genre), the SCREAM movies annoyed me (again, some fun stuff, but overrated AND too many sequels) and don’t even get me started on those “found footage” flicks where someone has an old video camera with the battery life of a Galaxy Note III. Yeah, you Blair Witch Project. That ending was freaky, but I didn’t feel the least bit frightened by the rest of the film (and I’ve seen it three times just to make sure).

Hmmm… I don’t believe in “ghosts” either, so Paranormal Activity made me laugh at the people in the theater jumping at flying sheets or whatever. And as for The Exorcist? The hospital scenes were FAR scarier than any of that head spinning possessed crap. Which means the more superstitious you are, the least likely your survival odds will be when that ASPCA truck full of black cats tips over near that outdoor mall sale on ladders and mirrors which will get your heart racing before some kid running out of that mall in his 90% off Halloween costume (he’ll be a ghost or the devil) puts you down for the count. Welcome to your nightmare!

OK, maybe I’m too much of a curmudgeon here, but I won’t tell you what NOT to watch as it’s up to you where you eat your popcorn at the end of the day…