No, it’s NOT my autobiography (ha ha), but the classic 1972 horror anthology (one of six released by Amicus Productions) with the poster I hated seeing in the subway as a kid. Hey, when you’re something under four feet tall or whatever, a HUGE ass skull with an eyeball following you around makes quite a memorably negative impression. Anyway, Freddie Francis‘ flick became a long time favorite after the first time I finally saw it on TV a few years after being scared to death of that poster.

Based on five great EC Comics horror stories, this film and the other Amicus EC anthologies can definitely be seen as successful comic book adaptations and in fact, can also be seen as scarier than some of today’s far gorier flicks that just toss body parts and nudity in a mixing bowl and let some overeager editor have at it until you end up with a jumbled forgettable mess. TFTC works as a horror flick and “or else” morality play of sorts where you’ll get your scare on without that grimy feeling most modern flicks leave you with afterward…

As this is a British film, there’s a class of actors here that’s quite incredible for such a low-budget film. Despite a few shock effects not being so “shocking” everyone gives it their all and each episode has its share of memorable moments. After an intro where five folks end up seated in a weird tomb-like setting with the Crypt Keeper (Sir Ralph Richardson!) spooling out a few spooky stories for them which just so happen to be ABOUT them…

“…And All Through the House” kicks things off with Joan Collins getting a big Christmas surprise from a REALLY bad Santa after she kills off her husband and tries to get rid of the corpse. MORAL: tell your kids there’s NO such thing as Santa Claus as early as possible… or else. “Reflection of Death” follows, with its initially predictable tale of a car crash survivor taking a few sharp curves as it heads to its shocking finish line. Wake up and don’t quite remember stuff too well? Walk by a mirror FIRST… or else. “Poetic Justice” is up next with its “Be nice to old people… or else” story that’s got a nice jolt of a climax after a old man is tormented to death by his nasty neighbors. Amusingly enough, you don’t even feel sorry for the people who drive the old man to suicide, so it’s one of those bits where rooting for the dead guy is a good thing.

“Wish You Here Here” is a funky take on the ancient horror story The Monkey’s Paw where wishing for what you want using a magical item gets a bit too our of hand. Let’s just say if you find a magic lamp or anything that claims to grant ANY desire, you’d better stop, think and map out every single potential outcome, both good and bad (or else!). That and hell, sometimes better off dead in the best thing for some relationships. Finally, the favorite episode for most (as well as one of those killer EC horror stories that gets remembered when those moldy old books get discussed), “Blind Alleys” tells the story of a cheap bastard who runs a home for blind elderly men and what happens when his budget cutting ways (he and his dog eat up and sleep well each night, while the old men starve and freeze) force his charges to take some truly unique measures to deal with him. The tension mounts throughout this episode and the final few minutes are a real kick in the ass. Don’t mess with blind people, either… OR ELSE!

As noted, everything clicks in this gem right from the beginning and while you can see the ending coming a mile away, it’s all in the delivery that gets your blood temperature a wee bit lower than it should be. Feel free to pair this one up with any of the other Amicus anthologies. I’d go for ASYLUM, as it was made in the same year as another quickie horror project with a great cast of English actors that do some stellar work at scaring you out of your skin…