Hmmmm… The words “Dracula on NBC” should already scare some of you away from this one like it’s covered in maggots with a crazed Renfield chasing after it with a very rusted butter knife, but here we go, another attempt at getting the vampire on the telly. Vampires in general have suffered the indignities of modern romanticizing for quite some time and it’s been a downhill slide for the true fanged few since the preteens got their stupidly stripped down versions on them that rake in profits for their re-creators by the billions. I won’t name any names here, but for many true fans of the myth it’s been a hell of the purest form seeing print, film and other new media vampires eat away at the legend to the point where it’s now “cool” and yet played out because every time you spin your head, some would be Stoker-lite is shifting a new piece of overblown fan-fiction from their hard drive out into the world as a professional work in some form of media and yes, the kids love them some fancy fang to face action on a regular basis. Blech…

Granted, this *new* Dracula takes place in 1896, so it’s going to be VERY thankfully void of product placement opportunities for everything that makes network TV so painfully dumb to watch. Of course, I bet you a pint that they’ll zap him into the future as a ratings grabber if the show ends up getting the long term series treatment. hell, you think advertisers are going to NOT want to have Drac on a cell phone, in a new car or flying on some airline as an in-show ad guaranteed to get HousewifeDracFan2843 scribbling down notes on what she wants when she goes shopping next week? Yeah, I thought so. Blech!

On the other hand, what’s this utter nonsense about the lord of vampires faking it as an ecology-minded industrialist or whatever trying to wean people of that century off oil and onto electricity? I don’t want Thomas Alva Dracula, people. I want a vampire that’s a walking plague, a pile of rats, mist in the air, dirt in his shoes, a foul, stinky Nosferatu coming for the farmer’s daughter fresh home for a visit after he’s sucked all the cows and horses dry so she can’t escape. Or something like that. Sure, a disguised noble is good for a bit of blending in and character development. But a vampire should be feared for what it truly is, not hugged like a damn vampire-shaped body pillow. (wait for it…)Blech!

Poking around today for press, early buzz seems to be half and half on this, which is actually a good thing for the show. But I probably won’t be watching it unless I hear it’s not “sexy” and has some actual shocks that suck the romance right out of the expected fan base that watches this stuff just because it’s got a handsome lad they’d like to secretly shag in it. Blech. Give me Max Schreck any day of the week. I’d let him in and serve him up some spaghetti laced with my special tomato sauce (loads of herbs and garlic in it) and while he’s groggy, tie him to a chair and keep him up ’til sunrise talking about all those fake vampires he needs to get after and off the tube at some point.