Like everyone else out there, I sometimes fail miserably at stuff. But being old and stubborn and cranky yet willing to learn fast is actually a darn good thing if you put it into practice. Like you, I used to get upset at a setback and sink into something soft with something edible to squeeze as I planned revenge on what wronged me (although in many cases it was those three idiots me, myself and I doing the dirty work). What one learns over time is not to dwell on the not so good parts of life and focus on making oneself a better person even if it costs you a few brownie points with your dark side. Hell, letting that part have all the fun is stupid anyway, as all that does is make your nicer side pissed off and plan revenge (meaning you’re setting yourself up for a fall even faster than you can run out to the supermarket and stock up on crow pies and chocolate ice cream)…

Granted, SOME of you LOVE it on that dark side so much that you walk around like a clueless celebrity in blackface at a Halloween party and don’t care because you already burned every bridge while standing on it and you look mighty good in that costume you didn’t think twice about before coming up with. Yikes. That’s when it’s time for an intervention (or at least that last person who still talks to you telling you you’re an ass most of the time and that might be why you hate everything and everyone). Want a FREE tip? No? OK, whatever, ass. No it’s NOT “Don’t Play With Matches”, dummy. I know you hate ANY advice, good, bad or otherwise… but listen up anyway (it’s FREE advice and people like FREE). Just go find something you like to do (and NO, live human taxidermy is NOT on that list. I said NO.), do it well enough that you like what you’re doing SO much that you want to tell people about it and guess what? You are suddenly HAPPY about stuff other than the smell of stuff burning down all the time. Unless of course your new hobby is bad barbecue, woodburning for profit or just putting out all the fires you’ve started in the past…

Oh, look… I’m out of words again. Oh well… you probably didn’t learn anything anyway, but I tried. Again. Alright, I’m done here – get off my lawn and take your matches with you…