While it’s incredibly easy to get a job in Hell (they’ve got a 100% employment rate there), you’d probably want to seek out a higher level position as opposed to being trapped in the usual entry level position for eternity. Granted, EVERYONE starts out as entry level there, but it’s the true go-getters that actually make their way up the corporate ladder. All you have to do is ask your supervisor about how he or she got his or her gig and they’ll probably NOT tell you anything at all, whip you some more (or send you to the lava wash… you really don’t want to work there, trust me) or flat out lie about it.
Perseverance pays off handsomely (as does pushing your old supervisor off something high onto something hard and flat, hot and bubbly or really pointy – bonus points for all three at once) and you’ll soon find yourself yelling and punishing with the best of them…
One of the better jobs is supervising really stupid and dangerous stuff such as the changing of light bulbs or altering of corporate building names once they’re taken over. This happens quite frequently in hell, as the stock market tends to fluctuate more wildly than it does up here (and how!). Anyway, as a Building Maintenance Supervisor (Exterior), all you do for those 80 hour shifts (they go by fast!) is send workers up and down some long, long ladders and have them change light bulbs and letters as takeovers occur.
There’s nothing more intensely satisfying than to watch some fool scramble up a ladder in record time carrying a pail of hot from the factory bulbs or rivets, screw then in or replace letters and scramble back down only to see all that work undone with a simple press of the illusion box you’ll have attached to your belt. This leads to hilarity as the poor soul now needs to get replacements and scamper all the way back up (in record time, of course) only to find everything as it should be. Rinse and repeat and that probably going to be the best day EVER every damned day.
You may not be paid well (in addition to there being no beer in hell, there’s no paychecks either), but you’ll certainly love your job!
"DESTROY ALL FANBOYS!" 
I started at the bottom and liked it. But if there’s no beer in Hell?????
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Oops. You didn’t know this? OK, you’re new here, so you get a pass. You may want to read this for more good/bad news.
There are a few reasons there’s no beer in hell. One, it would be too hot to drink (not a comfortable well-pulled Guinness warm, either… just McDonald’s coffee burn blazing) and two, you can’t grow good hops or barley (or much else) down there.
That and unfortunately, alcohol catches fire or evaporates (or explodes) and if there were booze down there, no one would want to work. Granted, this means all the great Irish writers are either happily drinking in heaven or writing some mean stories about not having a good drink down in the basement level, but I hear that there’s a middle area were some get a pass to that’s got perfect pints. More on that if I can get the key I have here to work (and a map to that spot)…
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That’s it, pick on the new boy. If there’s no beer in hell then you will not find an Irish writer there. Which only goes to prove that we are the chosen few. So if you are and Irish writer you will drink. If you drink you will sleep, if you sleep you will dream. if you dream, you will be in heaven. cheers me dear I’m a fecking angel.
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There are bars in hell, but there’s no beer
so Irish scribes, they dwell not there
However, there upon the roof
with angels white-clad toe to tooth
The taverns there are always filled
and liquor that’s all pure distilled
You’ll find the great ones at the bar
(or favorite table not so far)
Sometimes grumbling about their lot
and eying down to where it’s hot
You’ll drink your fill in heaven’s pub
the food’s fine too, but there’s a rub…
For what’s a drunk without a fight?
A smashing left, a brutal right!
You can’t do that up in that place
no complaints or wars, just total grace
That might sound like pure bliss to some
but a good Irishman? He’ll come undone!
However I hear there’s a way
where two hobbies are combined, so hey!
As soon as I find information
I’ll post about that short vacation…
Unless that stuff is classified
and I find my poor self trapped and fried!
g.
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