Google’s “Project Glass”: If Thine Eye Offend Thee (And How)…

Hmmm… As soon as I saw this video, I nearly fell over laughing. Oh, SURE, it looks cool and hip and fresh and whatever the kids all say these days. My choice of slang here would be “Dope?” Wait. It’s currently a NEAR TRANSPARENT screen that’s in front of your eyes while you’re walking down the street? Think about that for a minute (it should take a LOT less time, but I’m feeling generous today)…  Er, does anyone still use “dope” as slang anymore for cool stuff? Can I get a “dope” here? (Heeeeeeey, dope!)… Er, no dope? OK, let’s try this: Hey all you drooling hipsters and twittering techies… here’s another cool video to watch (it’s dope!):

In other words, this is an eternally DUMB idea that’s going to do more harm than good, I say…

The answer is a big fat YES, but I’ll pose the question anyway: Are we all really THAT lazy that we can’t figure out where to go without arrows and maps in front of our faces telling us when to turn like it’s a version of a driving game on foot? Can we live without technology interrupting our lives for ONE SECOND while we just go out for a nice walk in the park or stroll with a sweetie and NOT have some electronic baby monitor keeping track of our every moves? Do these goggles also tell you when to pee, that too much sugar, salt and fat are crappy for you or that you just stepped in a pile of dog shit because you were busy watching arrows guide you to that Starbucks you’ve been to five thousand times already and could walk to with your eyes closed AND backwards during a snowstorm?

Eh, I’d bet most of you don’t care at all about this rant at all. In fact, I’ll go out on a limb and say you’re all psyched to BUY these on day one and will also absolutely be donating to support that inevitable Kickstarter project that’s going to add a combo headset microphone and automatic spoon hack to those new glasses so you can walk, chat and eat your Pinkberry hands-free. “It’s dope!”

Now, I don’t know about you, but as a native New Yorker used to stepping AROUND short-stopping tourists, triple-wide baby strollers and other urban street hazards, I really, REALLY don’t want to be walking behind someone wearing these glasses, texting AND listening to music who’s so damn oblivious to their ACTUAL surroundings that they end up as a crime and accident victim within the space of a city block. Of course, karma is a bitch, as the sap who steals these from some idiot wearing them will find out. The perp will indeed be immediately struck by a truck (or even better, the police car that zooms onto the scene) when he or she puts their freshly stolen Google Goggles on and gets all “Duh-ooooh!” about those arrows and maps flashing in their eyeballs.

Look, folks: distracted driving kills more than enough people as it is and we’re already swarmed with walking tech that’s just as deadly. Hell, as it is, more than enough sensible people who just want to take a walk to the corner store safely probably want to see text-walkers and iPod zombies fall gently into open manholes like Wile E. Coyote. All I’ll say is once we see a ton of accidents, muggings, dog walks and jogs gone horribly wrong and other disasters caused by these X-Ray Specs of the future, someone will wise up and realize that sometimes a good sense of direction is a hell of a lot better than too much information in your field of view.

Oh, by the way… I’m not anti-tech, folks – just hugely PRO common sense. That and hell, I’d just love to go somewhere where I don’t have to try and rescue someone from their newfangled super device leading them to certain doom because they’re too stupid to use the eyes and brain they were born with…

1 thought on “Google’s “Project Glass”: If Thine Eye Offend Thee (And How)…

  1. I’ve seen the handheld version of this used for direct language translation, which as a nurse dealing with life and death scenarios is quite helpful. Creepier yet, my Irish cousin has a hubby who has developed the retinal implant which does the same thing as the glasses, and even records your reactions to scenarios/ products !!!! (Such as which books did your brain enjoy viewing at the Strand Bookstore ? etc). This will change the face of advertising…just wait til those pop up adds show up!!! Hmm..wonder what would happen if I wore them while cooking…. 😉


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