A (Not So) Gentle Reminder: Pirates Do Whatever The Heck They Want, Arrrr!

TLAPD SkylandersSo (Ouch!). Yesterday was International Talk Like A Pirate Day and for a while I’ve always managed to more or less avoid “celebrating” that non-holiday that’s become one too many people take seriously (Ouch!). Anyway, I thought I’d make it clean through the day and not HAVE to post a single eyepatch, booty, or “Arrrrr” reference and actually did so, going to bed around 2am or so with a clean conscience.

That didn’t last long thanks to something resembling a pair of plastic hammers thumping me on the head until I woke up (Ouch!).

It turns out those Skylanders toys from the hugely popular game series? Yeah, they’re REAL. And tend to get really annoyed when they get ignored (Ouch). So, here’s a nice, belated post to go do something piratey yesterday(Ouch!) or ALL the time, not just on that designated day. Why? Well, because (and in case you didn’t read the title of this post)… pirates do whatever the heck they want! (Ouch!)… “Arrrrr!” Hey, Activision? Can you come and get this little guy out of my house? Those plastic hammers may be tiny (and plastic), but they do leave little dents in everything he hits. Hey, (Ouch!) I’ll trade him back for a PS3 or Wii U copy of Skylanders Trap Team (coming to PS3/PS4, Xbox 360/Xbox One, Nintendo Wii/Wii U, Nintendo 3DS/2DS and Apple, Samsung, Amazon and Google tablets on October 5, 2014. Okay, is that enough? OUCH! Okay, okay… I’ll post the other video, too:

There, HAPPY now? (Ouch!) Okay, okay! AND I’ll buy the game too! (Great, now I’ll have that goofy song looping in me head allll dayyyyy, arrrrr!)

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Alien Isolation #HowWillYouSurvive Trailers 2-4: #JustBarelyIfAtAll (If You Need To Know)…


 
Nope…


 
and Nope…


 
annnnnnnnd, make mine a triple, bartender. Or, “No more for me, thanks, I’m dyin’!”

Yeah, it looks as if there are quite a few ways to expire in Alien Isolation and I’m betting some of you won’t need a rocket to ride through space when this game launches on October 7, 2014 for PS3/PS4, Xbox 360/Xbox One and PC. Hopefully Sega and developer The Creative Assembly have been shutting out the trolls and paying attention to those of us who want to experience the game on any platform to see if it’s a worthy follow up to the 1979 film as intended and those expecting some run of the mill FPS with the license stamped on realize it’s not all about what they want and all about what the CA is bringing to the table in the horror/sci-fi genre. Respect is a simple enough word for this one and I’m in for the long haul as far as spreading the word if this one’s a winner.

Pathologic Update: 17 Days To Go. Getting To Its Goal, Body By Body…


 
Slowly but surely, this remake of the 2005 sleeper PC game Pathologic is getting funded via Kickstarter, so hop in and splash around those plague-riddled ponds if you want to see this come to fruition. I love the unsettling vibe this gives off, that slow-loading pistol (and if you didn’t squeak a tiny bit when the camera dipped up and that bird-suited thing was standing there, you’re a better person than I am) and the overall air of gloom that makes this one special. Then again, if this real life ebola thing gets into the country, we’ll all be doing that dance those quirky rejects from Mummenschanz are soon enough. Man, I hate it when reality intrudes on my gaming life. Hopefully this gets funded and finished before the planet goes all 12 Monkeys, ha and ha… *gulp!*

HTR+: The Vita Gets A Fun-Looking Slot Car Racer (But Try Convincing The Trolls)…


 

Sure, if you were or are silly enough to ONLY buy a home or portable game system purely for visuals and how many AAA titles you can stuff in your shorts to show off to friends, a game like this enhanced port of HTR+ may look as if it’s not up your alley at all. On the other hand, if you’re like me and grew up with HO-scale racing sets (I was an AFX kid), this game is something that NEEDS to be played on the Vita. If you’re coming from a simulation or arcade racer background and have never tried any sort of slot car game (or actual slot car racing), you’ll need to get used to the controls and how they differ from what you’re more accustomed to.

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“But those cars and tracks look like plastic toys!” Yeah, so what? They’re SUPPOSED to. “Oh nooooo! Another mobile game!” Which means you never played the mobile version to see if it was any good and didn’t realize that the Vita version isn’t a straight lazy port job. “I bought a Vita for THIS?” Obviously not, as you’re not getting a gun pointed at your head and forced to buy anything you dump on without playing it. And so forth and so on come the usual internet trollers who bash stuff when they should be expanding their horizons. That stuff got old and started collecting a pension five years ago and I’m gathering there’s no developer who wants to hear unsolicited comments from folks who seem to play LESS games and spend MORE time complaining about them. Anyway, I’ll look into getting a review code and seeing how this one plays, as that trailer set my nostalgia meter off big time…

D4: Access Games + Swery 65 + Xbox One = Hmmm, Commitment Time!


 

d4_image09 Grrrrr… Access Games’ new adventure game D4 is out and earlier than I thought because until a few days ago when I saw that facebook post by game director Hidetaka Suehiro, I thought this one wasn’t coming until the holidays or early next year. Well, I suppose I can hold my breath for a bit and hope to hell this doesn’t stay as an Microsoft exclusive, but if in case it is, D4 (Dark Dreams Don’t Die) will give me another reason to pick up an Xbox One. I’m actually more thrilled by this quirky episodic title than bigger releases getting more ad dollars, but I’m also smart and plan to hold out that Micrsoft is smart enough to release a retail disc that has all the episodes on it and any extra content if the game gets any DLC just so those folks who can’t download large game files can give this one a shot.

Forza Horizon 2: Stop, Look and Crash!


 

Amusingly enough, although this is a dig at some famous track-bound racing game franchises, I’d actually PLAY a good slot car racing game if some smart developer and publisher teamed up to make one on nearly any home or portable platform. Anyway, while this commercial for <strong>Forza Horizon 2 is magnificent and funny, I have to question WHY it’s partially shot in live action with real cars (with a good deal of expensive CG enhancing) when the actual game looks so gorgeous:


 

Then again, I don’t work at Microsoft and heck, they know their own games better than anyone, right? Anyway, I’m still an Xbox One holdout, but if I were to grab one of those, this would be one of the games I’d grab with that system. If this is as open world and free range pure driving as it looks, it’ll be something I get lost in for hours and that’s just driving around all by myself checking out all the hard work that went into making the game engine sing so darn well. I’d be the one pulling over every few miles to check out the scenery, even in the middle of a race, so I can’t imagine being the poor AI driver behind me trying to pass as I slide to the left or right and perhaps dent up my ride because I’m trying to ogle a pretty sky or sunset. Anyway, September 30, 2014 is the due date for this baby which is predicted to do VERY well on the console…

F1 2014: A Little Heat For A Slow, Cool Friday…


 

You’re looking a wee bit tired on this slightly chilly Friday, friend. How about a hot lap around Sochi to perk things up a bit? Based on user feedback, Codemasters Racing Studio is making F1 2014 an even more accessible game this year with a few changes to the formula including a new driver evaluation system to adjust the game to your level, shorter career options and a new Very Easy mode. While I know some purists will complain about these inclusions, it opens up the game (and the actual sport) to an even larger user base with the hope that those newbies learn the ropes, dial up the difficulty at some point and enjoy the sport as it’s meant to be. Unforgiving and heavily reliant on one’s skill as a driver, not just jamming on the accelerator and knocking AI cars around in an all-out bumper car match. This one’s out on October 17, 2017 for PS3, Xbox 360 and PC. Yes, Codemasters is working on an all-new F1 game for PS4 and Xbox One, so you next-gen owners will need to hold that breath for a bit until 2015 rolls around…

The Evil Within Tokyo Game Show 2014 Trailer: Run (or Roll!), Don’t Walk!


 

Okay, I laughed out loud when I saw this trailer because, well.. come ON now, people. Wouldn’t YOU just have jumped in one of those wheelchairs and rolled the hell away from what was chasing you? Yeah, I thought so. I know I’d be BLAAAAZING down that dimly lit hallway popping wheelies power-sliding past obstacles and generally confusing the hell out of that monster or whatever is chasing my character. Then again, I tend to look for the humorous side to any horror game or film, so if anything, I’d die laughing before anything else got to my soon to be doomed avatar. The Evil Within is out for Xbox One, Xbox 360, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 3, and PC on Tuesday, October 14. That gives you enough time to stock up on clean underwear and maybe a few spare controllers in case you’re prone to dropping them when you get scared…

Alien Isolation Survival Mode: You’ll Pay For That. You KNOW You Will…


 
Ah, the dreaded Season Pass rears its head in another game and yep, it seems that this method of squishing extra money out of gamers isn’t going to vanish at all unless people stop pre-ordering and buying that content, but that’s a tough sell with so many rabid fans of certain games stampeding into stores the minute something’s announced and looks good enough to buy on day one after some previews. Alien Isolation, already a strong contender for horror game of the year (well, in my book), is getting MORE paid DLC in the form of at least five Survival maps to be released over the course of six months. This should provided those of you who love more competitive experiences to challenge that leaderboard and share your survival stories with other players.

Me, I’m in this one for the story, so I hope in addition to the standard and Nostromo editions, we see a “Game of the Year” edition that packs ALL the DLC onto a single disc similar to how other publishers reissue their big games. I know for a fact that there are still people on the fence about buying this game despite developer The Creative Assembly’s track record and this game looking like the best modern Alien game to date. But hey, it’s the age of soapbox skepticism ruling the day (unfortunately) and yes, Sega not having a stellar track record in publishing previous Alien games. We’ll see where this one ends up on the list soon enough, but I think it needs more love for both the attention to detail and in helping kick this franchise back to life and one worth following. Alien Isolation is out October 7, 2014 for PC, PlayStation 3, PlayStation 4, Xbox 360 and Xbox One.

Hyrule Warriors: Nintendo Knows They’re Getting Some of Us To Spend More Money On This One…

Hyrule Warriors CoverWith just over a week to go before Hyrule Warriors storms store shelves, here’s a look at the TV commercial and uh-oh, trailers for DLC outfits. Yes indeed, the DLC for this game will grab you by the nostalgic hairs and yank hard on your wallet. Granted, I’d bet just about anyone who buys the game is buying at least ONE of these outfits or not buying them at all, but jamming up the eShop downloading them for free if that’s what they go for.

Oh, wait… they’re PRE-ORDER outfits and retailer specific, at that. Blech. Come on, Nintendo! Just let EVERYONE have what they want if they want it, as you KNOW the completion freaks out there who want everything but can only buy ONE copy of the game will be giving you grief deluxe. Oh well… perhaps these are timed DLC items and we’ll ALL be able to buy what we want directly from Nintendo at some point. One can only hope…

Okay, I was jesting a tiny bit. Nintendo IS smarter than the average internet troll who only skims the video before posting. They will indeed release ALL the DLC at some point via the eShop, so you don’t have to fret about missing out on anything. Like the company would pass up the chance to make some ABSOLUTE loot on those costumes in a few ways? Ha! Yeah, they’re on top of this one (for once). Yes, that’s tough love from me, ALWAYS for Nintendo!

Hyrule Warriors is out for the Wii U on September 26, 2014. Yes, it’s a must-buy game, folks.